Thaila Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Hi, I was born with a pretty severe hearing impairement - it's pretty much fixed with hearing aids and otherwise Ive lived a normal life (I'm now a lawyer and dont have a speech impediment or anything). Anyway, I also have a twin sister who is a fashion model and perfect in every way. Obviously my early years, at school being the retarded one with the hot sister, were pretty tough. I thought i was pretty much over it when I graduated law school and moved to a new city. But I find I cannot get close to anyone for fear they'll reject me. Even though I know i am decent looking, that I have a fun personality etc, I stick to getting drunk and only meeting guys out at night when everything is more sparkly, when they cant see the real me. I recently met an amazing guy who I could fall head over heels for - but he is getting turned off because I cannot really relax around him. I am terrified that he will realise I am just the "deaf girl". I dont know what to do - we have spent most of the past few months just going out drinking and I do not want him to see me during the day looking like crap... Part of me just wants to dump him and avoid the heartache, but I also dont want to wake up at 40 years old regretting not getting close to anyone. Has anyone had a similiar problem or any advice for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 If you've thought this way of yourself for many years you may need professional help to improve your self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 So you are trying to hide real you from the man you like? sounds lots of burden. maybe you've heard this many times "be yourself", then you can attract that man who loves real you, if a man doesn't love real you, then probably he isn't the one for you. It is the new discovering each other that make coupling interesting and fun You cannot relax, probably because you are faking a personality or something. Give him a chance to show if he is really that amazing, you know, how do you know he is that amazing without examing? if he doesn't like the fact you are deaf a little, then probably he isn't that all wonderful. Everybody is special, comparing will lead many negative feelings. probably it's time to give up comparing with your sis, and find out the difference between you and your sis. I am sure you have lots of special points that your sis doesn't have Many people have same fear, one step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 If you keep this wall up, there's simply no way in the universe you can get REAL love because nobody will ever know you for the fear. There's some interesting information here...don't know who wrote it...but it's good. Just read it over and see if it applies: http://www.members.optusnet.com.au/~acceptance/YourPurposeWeb/TransformFeartoLove.htm Your best cure is to develop an attitude of not caring which way situations go. That will take you out of fear mode. Fear will always block love. But if you start just not caring how situations will turn out...being ready to accept them either way...you will find your entire life will transform for the better. As you can see, my signature is: "What, Me Worry?" There's a good reason for that. I'm not going to lose sleep if you love me or hate me. I love myself and that's a great start going into the next moment of my life. My existence is not contingent on any specific person loving me. That kind of attitude is extremely irrational and borderline insane. If my life depended on one particular person loving me, I'd be in deep shxt. I've always suspected that people who were obsessed with Internet porn sites had the same problem you do. Making love to an image on a screen takes away the fear of intimacy and of being loved. Oddly, many of those people have relationships already. If their real life relationship goes south, they always have a safe relationship with Bertha, the porn queen computer screen. Stop caring so much and start living. Just forget trying to control other people and the outcome of their relationship with you. You'd be absolutely amazed at how attracted people will be to you if you have that attitude. You're an attorney, write up a court order to effect such change in your life and have a judge sign it. If you screw up, you go to jail...and, hey, you never know....the love of your life may just get booked along with you...haha! In that case, just don't care one way or the other..... Link to post Share on other sites
Hitman10000 Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 I wouldn't worry about yourself. If the guy responds to you sexually and you respect yourself at the same time, it's all good. Link to post Share on other sites
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