WhydoIstillcare Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 I met my first love when I was 15 years old. From the minute I saw him I knew I wanted him and no one else for the rest of my life. He was just perfection. We dated for a year ( one of the most exciting years of my life ) and then he had to move away. I thought our love was string enough to last through anything but unfortunately it didn't. He was gorgeous and very young and eventually we went our separate ways. We re-united a few more times years later but something always happened that separated us and I blamed him. He eventually hurt me so bad ( not on purpose but he was young I forgive him now ) that I finally said no more I have to break this infatuation and I let him go. He didn't follow. I always thought I loved him so much more and that he loved me too but I just wasn't "the 1" for him. Now its 7 years later and I have moved on. But I still carry him in my heart and always think what if I were to run into him in the future again? I have never felt what I felt with him emotionally and physically. Slowly I really started to let him go and think of him as dead basically to make it easier to move on. I poured myself into my new relationship as well as work and school. My mind still wondered off to him now and again but for the most part it was just to remember good times. Gone was the thought of us ever being together again. So a few days ago I get an e-mail on my Myspace and guess who it is? EVERYTHING I have been fighting for 7 years came rushing back to me at the first glance of his picture. I read his words and I couldn't believe it was him. I was happy, curious, shocked, hurt, and angry all at the same time. Emotional overload! He wrote to say Hi and that it has been years. He said he was happy and that I looked great. I didn't know if I should write back or not. I didn't want to get caught in the web after struggling to free myself for so long. I also didn't think it was fair for my boyfriend. But a huge part of me was so curious. I had worked so hard to look great and be accomplished just in case we ran into eachother again I could leave him kicking himself. ( I know I should have done those things for me ) Well I wrote back telling him I was happy now and things were great. And he responded with things like Im so happy your doing great and your happy with your boyfriend. If I could go back in time I would have done things differently. I am a different person now. But now I know better for the next time. He has a girl but is taking things slow because he really likes her and hasn't felt this way since us. ( OUCH ) He is extremely happy without me. I haven't even crossed his mind in all these years basically and he found me by accident on Myspace. He wasn't even looking for me I will never be 'that' girl for him and he to this day is my number 1. Reading his words I noticed how much more mature he has gotten and I started crying because I realized I still loved him. He is in the Navy now and will be for two more years but he wants to be friends and keep in touch. A part of me says no R-U-N fast! But the teenage part of me that is still in love with him says keep in touch you never know what can happen in the future. I know Im so stupid but I can't help myse;f. I have read so many books and honestly have tried to move on and forget him and I just can't let him go. I don't know what else to do. And my poor boyfriend loves me to death and I truly love him to ( its a deep mature different kind of love) and I hate that I still feel so much for someone who could care less. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Do you really think that not being his number 1 will ever be acceptable? Do you really think it's a good idea to hurt the guy that's there for you now, giving you what he's got, for a remote possibility that your ex will ever come back? Do you think it's a good idea to hurt yourself with a fantasy of someone that didn't care for you the way you cared for him? It wouldn't be a two way street with your ex. He hasn't changed all that much. He may have learned some things and matured, but he never had the depth of feeling for you that you say you had for him. But did you love him or was it infatuation? It sounds more infatuation. The mature love you describe your current boyfriend is usually what works long term. If you wbere simply very attracted (you use the words infatuation, gorgeous and physical) this is not something that lasts forever. I think you already have all of the answers you need. I don't think this guy was the one. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I think that you can use this as means to finally move on from this infatuation you have had with this guy. To me it sounds more like an obession and one that was always just a one way street. I do think that you should break up with your boyfriend though just cause it doesn't sound like you are ready to give yourself to anyone with you still holding a flame for someone that in your mind could do no wrong no matter how many years have passed since you last even saw eachother. Take the time to growi nto a good person for YOU and stop living for a fantasy Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts