Best Man

[Guest]

Okay, here is a short version of my problem. I've been friends w/ my best friend for 10 years (I'm 30, he's 29). We have been there for eachother through all sorts of good and bad situations. A few years back he went through a really rough time and I was basically one of the only people that really stuck w/him and helped him though.

So things started getting a little better for him a couple of years ago and he started dating a girl (and I actually helped get them together). They got engaged a little over two years ago. Right around this time is when he started acting differently. Becoming more distant, being secretive in regards to the wedding, started not being there when I legitimately needed him for support for things going on in my life and relationship with my girlfriend.

Now I understand that when people make the choice to get married that their priorities begin to shift, so when I started noticing these little things I told myself it wasn't a big deal and maybe I was overexaggerating.

Well as time went on it became more and more obvious that things were indeed different. I've brought it up numerous times and tried to get his side of the story - sometimes he'd deny anything changing sometimes he would agree but in the end nothing was done about it.

Now here is my main problem - when he got engaged (and even before he even met this girl) he had always told me I would be his best man. He had mentioned this numerous times during the two year engagement. All of a sudden a few days ago he tells me that he has been thinking and wants to have his brother as the best man and he was sorry he "gave me the impression" that I would be the best man. Now this really hurt me because like I said we had been really great friends and he hadn't given me the impression, he had flat out asked me several times.

I'm not sure how I should react to this - is it not that big of a deal? I'm torn between not wanting to hold a grudge about it and not wanting to feel like a pushover letting someone else be a dick to me and not say anything about it. He hasn't really shown much regret about it.

If he had just asked his brother from the beginning - I would have been a little surprised (I don't think they are that close) but would have understood. I just think it was a really ****ty way to go about things.

Okay so that was not as short of a story as I intended but any opinions/advice would be appreciated.

[Yamaha]

I would say the gf doesn't want him to spend time with you or want you in her wedding. He seems determined to please her at the loss of your friendship so I don't think there is much you can do. It is a ****** way to behave but that's life.