what a dope!

[whichwayisup]

Flowers CAN last atleast a week or more if you take care of them. Fresh water daily, snip about 1/2 inch off the stems daily too. Add some gingerale or sugar into the water vase for nutrients, helps keep the flowers fresh smelling too.

 

I know you don't like flowers, but maybe he does??? Maybe he thinks it's romantic? I dunno.

 

Happy birthday though! (whenever your bday day is!)

[Moose]

Maybe if it's a PA act, the best retaliation, so to speak, would have been to allow the flowers and fawn repeatedly over them? That probably would have thrown him off.

Not a4a's style.....

 

Besides that would be like affirmation, reward, or encouragement to this guy.....(if he doesn't just blow it off completely), to keep ignoring her demands.....um errrr.....requests.....sorry....forgive me there.....

If my wife figured out about a gift I bought her and demanded that I cancel the order or canceled the order on her own then my knee jerk reaction would be to divorce her ass..

Deal Breaker........

Well, you and I and just about any husband out there would get the hint after being lectured about it a couple of times, three times max......ok....maybe 4 times for us slow ones....BUT...and here's where it gets a little testy perhaps.....

 

a4a will, (if I understand her previous threads/posts), will, "put out", at a drop of dime most of the time for her husband, while she takes care of the household, AND both jobs or businesses so to speak, (and other "irons" in the fire), while her husband is on the dingy riding this wave all the way to port.....

 

I just realized something........thinkin'.....thinkin'.......NAH......weeeell.......NAH........anywayssss....

 

Think of it this way......if your wife knew you hated chicken ali' king on Friday nights, you've made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you prefer steak and that YOU would even prepare it......yet EVERY FRIGGIN" FRIDAY NIGHT YOU COME HOME AND IT'S.........well....you get the point....

 

I agree that I wouldn't be happy at all if Mrs. Moose called and told me to renig on a purchase.......I would be pissed.....but I don't see that ever happening.....

 

a4a is comfortable with dishing demands, and her husband is numb to it......this could go on for awhile, and I KNOW that we'll not put another deadline on the relationship......

 

BTW a4a.....Happy, "upcoming" Birthday.......

[Art_Critic]

I'd be curious to know the exact point of what you were trying to drive into your husbands head ?

 

Were you trying to tell him the marriage is over ?

 

Were you trying to show him your balls are bigger than his ?

 

Were you trying to show him who makes the rules and enforces those same rules in your marriage ?

 

It was such a power play.. What were you trying to say to him ?...Is it something simple and I've missed the whole thing ?

[Touche]

Well, I must interject here since I had almost the EXACT same issue with my H. About 5 years ago, he sent me a huge bouquet of flowers to my office for Valentine's Day. I was not too pleased because I knew they were expensive and I thought he could have come up wth a better gift.

 

My co-workers were oohing and aaahing over the flowers and I was complaining. THey thought I was NUTS to think it was a shytty gift.

 

Bottom line was that I told him that allthough I appreciated the flowers, I would have appreciated actual flowers/bulbs..etc. that I could plant in my garden even more. I mean he knows how much I love to garden.

 

After that, he's always given me rose bushes and other flowers I could plant in our garden. Remember the gorgeous red rose bush in my garden, A4A? The one you admired? That was from one of the Valentine's Day since the bouquet Valentine's Day.

 

And this past V'Day, he bought me a whole mess of rose bushes. He said "I never promised you a rose garden, but you're getting one anyway."

 

We just moved in December and we actually have the room for a rose garden.

 

Anyway, I see nothing wrong with tellng your H what you like/don't like. I've bombed out on a few gifts to H a few times too and he tells me so...you better believe that, like him, I don't repeate my mistake again.

 

I don't see what's so wrong with A4A expressing her preferences to her H. And I don't see why he can't abide by those wishes.

 

It's certanly not a reason for divorce, for crying out loud. Anyone who has been successfully married for more than 5 years knows that each person has to give a little and swallow their pride. Give the other what they want. Nothing wrong with that. If you can't do that much, you don't stay marriied for long. It's that simple.

[dropdeadlegs]

Flowers have the same meaning to me as money when in the form of a gift -neither take much time or imagination. When flowers are presented for no other reason than "just because" I truly appreciate them, but as a gift, they have little life and little value to me. I would much prefer something I can enjoy for a reasonable amount of time. A large scented candle, or a sought after CD, is better IMO. Most flowers from florists don't even smell good in my experience.

 

When money isn't in abundance, flowers are a big, unnecessary expense. Yes, they are romantic in the right circumstances, but they are also a cop-out. Taking the time to GROW flowers is more appealing to me.

 

I have often requested gifts that might not seem romantic, but have so much more value to me. Things like towels, or nice cookware actually make my every day more enjoyable. No, they are not romantic, but they are useful, and when money is tight, I prefer something useful to something extravagant. When it is my "day" I think I have a certain amount of say in what gift(s) would make my day.

 

All that being said, if I had made my desires known, I would accept the gift and once again try to make my desires known in the nicest possible way. An incident wouldn't lead to divorce, but it might play into it if it happened repeatedly. It's then a lack of communication.

 

I pay attention to things my SO shows a desire in. I make mental notes constantly. It's called caring about his wants and desires, and wanting to be the person to fulfill them.

 

My second husband once bought me an emerald necklace and matching earrings. They are truly beautiful and I still have them. I have worn them exactly once in seven years. My attire and lifestyle do not warrant expensive jewelry. It took several months to pay them off via credit card purchase. I accepted them gracefully, but would have preferred a dishwasher. A dishwasher was much cheaper and would have had more use.

 

Not every woman likes practical gifts. Many prefer romantic overtures. The key is knowing which type of woman you are with.

[Art_Critic]

But none of you.. Touche or DDL had done what she did..

 

What she did was passive aggressive.. and not healthy for a marriage at least not a marriage as rocky as she as posted about.

 

Taken by itself .. yes it isn't enough to make the grade as far as a divorce is concerned..

When I stated I would've divorced her I meant as a totality of all the things that have happened in their marriage..

 

I also stated that it would've been my Knee Jerk reaction..not necessarily the one that I would've preferred to have.

This incident to me would've been the straw that broke my back..

[dropdeadlegs]

Art, I totally understand. I appreciate that you clarified your knee jerk response.

 

It is my opinion that a4a is to the point of this being the straw that breaks the camel's back.

 

Except she would have preferred a camel to the flowers.

 

It is often the little things that push us over the edge, right? We can often take a lot of big hits and the cap left off the toothpaste is the last straw.

[Art_Critic]

Except she would have preferred a camel to the flowers.

 

... it seems that you know A4a all too well...

[dropdeadlegs]

... it seems that you know A4a all too well...

Well, I'm just paying attention!

[michelangelo]

we must have spent an hour in the flower shop looking for just the right flowers.

 

My son got to pick out the arrangement.

 

It had a variety of flowers. Red roses, babies breath, and so on.

 

We get home and the wife is pissed. Why? Because I was supposed to know her favorite flowers were yellow roses!

 

She was positively toxic to be around. Her attitude was awful. She didn't go off a bout it around our son (thank god), but once she was done being petulant I told her off. I told her she was being a spoiled brat. That if she was going to react that way over a gift that was the last flowers she'd ever get from me.

 

BTW, she'd never indicated a preference for yellow flowers before--ever.

 

And even if she had, to go off like she did? Totally wrong.

 

BTW II, I haven't gotten her any flowers two decades. Don't plan on getting her any either.

[Woggle]

I think that no matter what this guy does he can never make you happy. If I were him I would take that money and go out with the guys while you get nothing. Some women are unpleasable and they wonder why men stop being romantic. If I am damned if I do and damned if I don't then I won't.

[Trialbyfire]

a4a, you've gotta' let him fall on his diapered bottom some of the time...

[BentSpine]

I thought a4a was going to recommend a good dealer, judging from the title.

[JadeStar]

I'm assuming you are wanting to get your ducks in a row before seperating from him? Its probably what needs to happen. He got flowers and its not what you wanted nor has anything else been.

 

He has gotten it all wrong it seems as far as giving you what you want/need, and since you say he knows what that is, but yet he is choosing not to do what you asked, then he is maybe playing a game? IMO, If you're really tired of this game, you will end it soon, because chances look slim he will ever get it right for you.

[a4a]

When you repeatedly ask for something and you don't get it........ what is that?

 

When you nicely state I would really like to have quality time and they don't bother to do so.........

 

When you directly tell a person, please don't waste your money on flowers, you repeat this and tell them what you really would like from them, they refuse, and they again get flowers?

 

We were up until 2 am last night.

 

Of course I love you, I don't want a divorce, I know I don't actually treat you like I love you, but I do! :rolleyes:

 

Let me tell you this is not about the flowers or the money, this is about actually paying attention and backing up words with action.

 

I ask for help......... it is ignored. I ask for a little bit of time. Ignored. I ask him to pay the electric bill....... ignored. I ask him not to buy flowers........ ignored. I tell him his actions hurt me....... ignored.

 

He says he knows but does not know why he doesn't do things. He will, was going to, meant to, wanted to...... just he never does it.

 

This is not about the flowers, this is about me having to tell him to feed his own dog again at 9 pm last night. This is about me going through a repeated pattern of the "I am so sorry" with him and him just again repeating the same behaviors.

 

This is not about me being a bitch. This is about me being treated in a manner in which I have previously begged, pleaded, and cried for...... and he ignores it.

 

Hell I sat there with his shrink...... the shrink told him to clean the cat box too because it means that much to me......... he ignored it.

 

Why because I am a stupid fat cow........ obviously not worthy of his time or energy....... unless of course I am making him money.

 

Trust me he is not a victim of my cruel ways........ fine example is we were out with friends, I was having a great time with my friend I have not seen in 6 years, laughing, not being cruel, just really laughing he turns and says "that will be enough" :eek: We weren't doing a damn thing wrong. Not laughing at him, or because of him, it was one of those moments when you cannot help but to laugh,nothing to do with him...... case of the giggles......... and I/we get "that's enough"

 

Well I have now had enough.

 

I could give a rats ass if we get divorced. That is exactly what I want..... but he wants to keep roping me back in with his poor me, see how mean you are, I got you flowers even though I promised you a couple days away for us, poor me...I love you... poor poor me. I tried.... no buddy you lied.

 

Oh did I mention how he lets his friends put me down right in front of him?

or maybe how he chooses to put other people first? Or how I have asked for 1 night out with him that he plans....... never has done it in 2 years. Oh and of course him and the great dog attack. 2 years of this. Will not defend me, or come to my aid....... 3 weeks ago was the last incident.

 

Yeah I am one cruel bitch.

 

I admit now I am on the way..... because I have had enough.

 

Funny how I guess if you don't experience you just cannot see why I am reacting the way I am. I am glad he is seeing his shrink, I sat in and you know what, the shrink said he was not treating me well at all. I clearly asked for things and he chooses not to take action. He gave examples to the shrink and the shrink told him those things he did were indeed offensive, uncaring, and inconsiderate.

 

So he can stick those flowers where the sun don't shine.

 

oh BTW he promised me a 2 day trip for my b-day, actually for us.... told the shrinky.... yep I will, I want to, I am going to, ........ lie...... lots of lots of lies.

 

Oh the promises that man makes......oooops I mean lies he tells me.

 

 

Jade he chooses not to get it right...... he chooses that.

 

If I ask for something as simple as "please keep the cat box clean"....... he won't do that even. Chooses not to.

 

I am actually just venting here........ the only solution is to get the hell away from him, I just so hate packing.

[a4a]

Well, I'm just paying attention!

 

:lmao: will you marry me!

 

My god what is so hard about asking a man:

 

You know what would make me feel good, if you could initiate sex every once in awhile.

 

Oh my what a difficult task, how terrible of me to ask that. Wow I can see why he cannot do this, after all that may take a couple of minutes..... some energy involved, oh and he doesn't get to just lay there like normal.

 

:lmao: :lmao:

 

mention the words blow job and his pants disappear.

[JackJack]

Man....you so need to be rid of all this aggrivation. Just do it.

[Art_Critic]

I am actually just venting here.....

 

Vent away Chickee...Even me being hard on you I understand your need to vent..

[a4a]

Man....you so need to be rid of all this aggrivation. Just do it.

 

I still have some brie left in me.

[2sunny]

just go buy the gift you really wanted - wrap it up all pretty - then leave it by the front door...

 

open it in front of him and say - oh my god! you are amazing! this is exactly what i wanted! kiss kiss.. he'll be left wondering who really bought you the perfect gift.... ;)

 

oh and happy birthday a4a - i hope it gets better...

[2sunny]

Even me being hard on you

 

does this read weird to anyone else? :lmao:

 

freudian - perhaps?

[Art_Critic]

freudian - perhaps?

 

Hey now... I did just get back from the dentist..

It didn't say hard for her.. hahahaha

[2sunny]

you know she LOVED Mr. Wiggles.

[a4a]

Vent away Chickee...Even me being hard on you I understand your need to vent..

 

Well Art as suspected Mr. Big Plans has no money in his account again....... Mr. "I was going to take you to dinner but the bills surprised me".

 

Same story as last year.

 

So to go out to dinner I get to pay for it. Cuz I just been begging to go out to dinner at this very expensive place he made reservations for but cannot afford to take me to....... but see how he tried to please me :lmao: (I don't ask to go there btw) He likes it.

 

Maybe I need to put some cash in his acct. so the other checks he forgot about don't bounce too at $25 a crack?

 

Last year he was going to get me diamond earrings...... ooopsy...... his acct. got overdrawn. "I was going to get you these but then I had to take care of all the other things I owed"

 

Anniversary........ again oooooopsy.

 

$70 would have gone a little way to help pay for the new digital camera I have been needing but just cannot seem to spend the money on for myself.

Not even a toy to me but need it, the old one is just old.

 

Planning, effort, and action.

 

I would have enjoyed a nice realistic broke boys invitation to the endurance race I mentioned to him last weekend..... picnic lunch $20. Hell I would have paid for that.

 

This is just retarded........

 

I told him I want some empty boxes and a divorce for my b-day. Hell I will even pay for the divorce.

 

Of course he refuses. This is going to take a year or more.

 

Just shoot me.

[whichwayisup]

Hey now... I did just get back from the dentist..

 

HA, I know what that means...................

 

a4a, he's seriously depressed, throw in some depression and procrastination, warped ways of thinking and handling situations, you, the marriage...His shrink needs to step up to the plate, come by and SEE firsthand how your H is at home.

 

Things will never change unless your H is ready to make those changes. It really looks like he is safe in his little world, doing as little as he can, not because he is lazy and doesn't care, because he is depressed, holds stuff in and procrastinates about it...This isn't about you at all, I'm sure he DOES love you, he just doesn't know how to show it in a normal and healthy way.