what a dope!

[Mustang Sally]

Ah. Well then.

I just hadn't read enough around here to know the whole, true story. Thanks for catching me up to speed a4a.

 

I empathize with you. If you recall my earlier thread about my H and M, similar things were going on. I tried to tell him things weren't working and we needed to do things different and he didn't listen until I asked for a separation. I remember you essentially told me to wake up - and I needed to hear that. Thanks.

 

Now, I wish you the best with whatever course of action you decide to take. I think sometimes, even when you think you're ready, it's still hard. Good Luck, let us know how it is going.

[jmargel]

My god.. I think you get enjoyment out of beating your husband into the ground. With your attitude no wonder he's this way. I think you get some sort of freakish satisifaction that you can have this power over him.

 

Do you actually have a job yourself? Do you help pay the bills? Have you two ever though about planning out a budget?

 

If you hate him this much then do him the favor and leave him. Looks like he can do nothing right in your eyes and you have great resentment towards him.

 

He is your HUSBAND! The one that you are suppose to love and care about more than anyone else in this world. Yet by your words he is your worst enemy.

 

He might have some problems but I can tell from your posts you do as well. Don't you see how you are playing the victim here as well? Re-read your posts.

 

Maybe if you try changing your attitude a little you will get further with him.

 

Einstein said it best: Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

 

Perhaps you are insane? Because you sure are acting like it.

 

You two need some communication skills, quick.

[a4a]

HA, I know what that means...................

 

a4a, he's seriously depressed, throw in some depression and procrastination, warped ways of thinking and handling situations, you, the marriage...His shrink needs to step up to the plate, come by and SEE firsthand how your H is at home.

 

Things will never change unless your H is ready to make those changes. It really looks like he is safe in his little world, doing as little as he can, not because he is lazy and doesn't care, because he is depressed, holds stuff in and procrastinates about it...This isn't about you at all, I'm sure he DOES love you, he just doesn't know how to show it in a normal and healthy way.

 

Thanks WW,

 

Been down this road..... he states he is not depressed. denies it?

 

I forced him to the shrink. Went to various medical specialist for his symptoms.

 

This is a dude that let his buddy look me in the face and said "all you women are bipolar bitches"........ just sat there, said nothing.

 

stated later he would not understand why I would find that offensive. Argued with me that I should not be offended.

 

Just told me this morning when I informed him one of the fences were down that he didn't see it...... so it is not real. Not possible because he did not see it.

 

what the hell is this...... depression or dickhead?

 

I told him to go take a damn pill..... this is his issue, only he can fix it, but in the meantime I am stuck her with him.

 

I did ask him for some empty boxes - he said "where am I supposed to get those?" :lmao:

[Moose]

My god.. I think you get enjoyment out of beating your husband into the ground. With your attitude no wonder he's this way. I think you get some sort of freakish satisifaction that you can have this power over him.

 

Do you actually have a job yourself? Do you help pay the bills? Have you two ever though about planning out a budget?

 

If you hate him this much then do him the favor and leave him. Looks like he can do nothing right in your eyes and you have great resentment towards him.

 

He is your HUSBAND! The one that you are suppose to love and care about more than anyone else in this world. Yet by your words he is your worst enemy.

 

He might have some problems but I can tell from your posts you do as well. Don't you see how you are playing the victim here as well? Re-read your posts.

 

Maybe if you try changing your attitude a little you will get further with him.

 

Einstein said it best: Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

 

Perhaps you are insane? Because you sure are acting like it.

 

You two need some communication skills, quick.

jamargel.......NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

<<<<<.........Moose is headin' for the hills now.......>>>>>>>

[a4a]

My god.. I think you get enjoyment out of beating your husband into the ground. With your attitude no wonder he's this way. I think you get some sort of freakish satisifaction that you can have this power over him.

 

Do you actually have a job yourself? Do you help pay the bills? Have you two ever though about planning out a budget?

 

If you hate him this much then do him the favor and leave him. Looks like he can do nothing right in your eyes and you have great resentment towards him.

 

He is your HUSBAND! The one that you are suppose to love and care about more than anyone else in this world. Yet by your words he is your worst enemy.

 

He might have some problems but I can tell from your posts you do as well. Don't you see how you are playing the victim here as well? Re-read your posts.

 

Maybe if you try changing your attitude a little you will get further with him.

 

Einstein said it best: Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

 

Perhaps you are insane? Because you sure are acting like it.

 

You two need some communication skills, quick.

 

 

You have no clue........ I have sat in with his shrink..... shrink says he is very negative, needs to take action...........blah blah. Shrink says I am angry and it is to be expected. Male shrink, that I don't hold back with when I do sit in.

 

I am not doing the same thing, he is. My budget is fine. I can plan, I am in the middle of building a house...... him won't even do his own taxes I have to.

 

But I will send him to a strip club this evening that should fix things. :lmao:

[2sunny]

why does it suddenly feel so hot in here???? 2sunny goes to fan herself...

[a4a]

why does it suddenly feel so hot in here???? 2sunny goes to fan herself...

 

well let me hose you down and lather you up with my very special soap.

[Art_Critic]

why does it suddenly feel so hot in here???? 2sunny goes to fan herself...

 

 

Why ? did you see Mr Wiggles ?

[whichwayisup]

Bottomline, he's scared to change. What he knows now is what makes him feel safe.

 

a4a, this isn't about him loving you, he does. He is just so stuck in his head, his life, hiding behind the walls he's built up..

 

If you love him and want the marriage to work, decide it's going to work and don't give up on him. Do everything you can do get him to another shrink, or have someone come by and assess him. I know dealing with a spouse who isn't functioning normally is frustrating, a spouse who is depressed and in denial, but something has to happen to shake things up otherwise the pattern will not change. He's so unhappy, but he's safe....He knows how be when he's depressed or acting up...Again, it's safe for him. He doesn't have to face consquences, be responsible, live life and be accountable for his actions...This is depression...

 

Decide what you can deal with, and go from there. if you need help, get help around the farm since he isn't capable of helping right now.

 

Don't enable his behaviour anymore, he may have depression, but you are letting him treat you like crap.

 

If you want out, tell him it's over and separate. Staying as things are now, it's just going to kill both of you.

[a4a]

Bottomline, he's scared to change. What he knows now is what makes him feel safe.

 

a4a, this isn't about him loving you, he does. He is just so stuck in his head, his life, hiding behind the walls he's built up..

 

If you love him and want the marriage to work, decide it's going to work and don't give up on him. Do everything you can do get him to another shrink, or have someone come by and assess him. I know dealing with a spouse who isn't functioning normally is frustrating, a spouse who is depressed and in denial, but something has to happen to shake things up otherwise the pattern will not change. He's so unhappy, but he's safe....He knows how be when he's depressed or acting up...Again, it's safe for him. He doesn't have to face consquences, be responsible, live life and be accountable for his actions...This is depression...

 

Decide what you can deal with, and go from there. if you need help, get help around the farm since he isn't capable of helping right now.

 

Don't enable his behaviour anymore, he may have depression, but you are letting him treat you like crap.

 

If you want out, tell him it's over and separate. Staying as things are now, it's just going to kill both of you.

 

Consquences...... topic of yesterday with him.

 

He never had any.

 

Exactly I have enabled him by trying to be understanding. Understanding his excuses, see it is not his fault. Dead Mother, suckass friends, bad luck, blah blah blah blah.

 

and this is where he ropes me back in......... I fall for it. Or I did.

 

I am certainly no longer sweet or understanding at this point. Over it.

 

It won't work, I just have to get out. This is not something that can be done in a day. Business, my investment here, moving the horses, blah blah blah blah.

[Touche]

You know, I'm really beginning to think this is just a case of "square peg, round hole" here. Women like us need STRONG men..DOERS, in other words, a REAL partner. It really doesn't sound like that's what you have in him.

 

There are women who like this kind of man..they're passive and they take much but they don't give much either. He is who he is. I doubt he will ever change enough to suit you from the sound of this. If he does, it will only be temporarily.

 

I'm very sorry you are going through this, A. Hell, I know what it's like having married the wrong man myself. We didn't even make it three years.

 

Keep venting and stay strong, ok?

[whichwayisup]

Then buy out his half and he can move out.

 

Until HE is ready to face his problems, his depression and do something about it, he is the way he is.......Maybe you two splitting up will be enough for him to realize he needs to get better.

[Lizzie60]

I love flowers...

 

I rather have flowers than a lawn mower. LOL

 

He meant good... It would be rude to tell him now that he already ordered them... Tell him in a month or so that flowers are nice but... blablabla... you know....

[Touche]

I love flowers...

 

I rather have flowers than a lawn mower. LOL

 

He meant good... It would be rude to tell him now that he already ordered them... Tell him in a month or so that flowers are nice but... blablabla... you know....

 

But see, A wouldn't rather have the flowers. Some of us are way more practical. I'd rather have a good lawn mower than the bouquet of flowers. I really want a tiller. That would certainly be more useful to me than store-bought flowers. Hell, I make my own bouquets from the flowers I grow and my H knows that. That's why I was pissed when he bought me that bouquet. He's never made that mistake again though.

 

See, it's about knowing who your mate is and doing something that you know will please them..not taking the easy way out just to get it over with. That shows no effort or thought. Some of you have said "it's the thought that counts." That's just it..there WAS no thought put into it at all. If he really knew A4A well, and actually cared, he would have planned something special.

 

From the sound of it he does nothing to make her feel special. And if your own spouse can't do that for you, well what's the point?

[Member2]

and this is where he ropes me back in......... I fall for it. Or I did.

 

If you are aware of the cycle then break the cycle, Don't let him rope you back in this time.

Take a stance and either seperate or divorce him. Maybe he is the type that requires the feeling of loss to realize what he just lost and how much you mean to him.

[a4a]

Touche you got it.

 

Like I told him his actions make me feel like I am nothing but a fat stupid cow in his eyes.

 

worthless....... meaningless..... used.

 

and I should be working right now instead of dealing with this crap.

 

I am so hurt that I cannot focus nor put on my happy face..... phone is ringing and I just don't want to answer.

 

Got to head out of state for a job and I cannot find the "focus" to get the job done right at the moment.

 

Can't go with this angry attitude. Won't work. I gotta have the "you can do it" attitude....... cannot find it at the moment.

 

Need to chat about lesbians and soap.

 

Perhaps get smacked around by mr. wiggles?

[a4a]

If you are aware of the cycle then break the cycle, Don't let him rope you back in this time.

Take a stance and either seperate or divorce him. Maybe he is the type that requires the feeling of loss to realize what he just lost and how much you mean to him.

 

Can't you just smite him for me? :lmao:

[Art_Critic]

Perhaps get smacked around by mr. wiggles?

 

My ears just perked up.....

[Touche]

You just have to "compartmentalize" this now. Put it aside. There's nothing you can do about this right now in this moment. Focus on work and yourself. You're going to make it with or without him.

 

I remember when I was going through all of that shyt..when I realized that that marriage will never work. I just was on auto-pilot. I went to work, did my chores and just was like a robot. Then I moved and fell apart for a time.

 

Just put it aside for now. You'll deal with it when you need to but don't let this color the rest of your life or take it over.

 

Do I have to get the wooden spoon out?

[a4a]

My ears just perked up.....

 

Wrong body part that I was looking for perkiness in.

[Touche]

My ears just perked up.....

 

Just your ears?

[Member2]

Can't you just smite him for me? :lmao:

 

I could do that, but it would require me having a night with your burning bush.

[Art_Critic]

Wrong body part that I was looking for perkiness in.

 

Just your ears?

 

Maybe he has ears too !!

[a4a]

You just have to "compartmentalize" this now. Put it aside. There's nothing you can do about this right now in this moment. Focus on work and yourself. You're going to make it with or without him.

 

I remember when I was going through all of that shyt..when I realized that that marriage will never work. I just was on auto-pilot. I went to work, did my chores and just was like a robot. Then I moved and fell apart for a time.

 

Just put it aside for now. You'll deal with it when you need to but don't let this color the rest of your life or take it over.

 

Do I have to get the wooden spoon out?

 

 

 

spoon? do you still have that damn thing?

 

I have to do a big "sale" today...... Must be perky! I will get there eventually.

Awesome oppurtunity...... just hitting at the wrong time. Working on the presentation at the moment.... but dag gone I do not want to talk to the client in this mood.

 

Spoon me!!!!!

[Touche]

Maybe he has ears too !!

 

Never thought of that but yeah...a head would have to have ears.