mander Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 Hi. I'm new here, but I was hoping to get an opinion. I have been casual friends with this guy for years, and while I had a crush on him initially, I put it out of my mind. He's been working out of the country for the last several years, and we have usually gone out to coffee or something on holidays, when he came back to visit his family. Nothing romantic, just a "hi how are you" kind of thing. Anyway, he recently came back to the States for good (he says he wants to get a normal job and get married, start a normal life, etc.) We went out several times over Christmas break (I am now a graduate student living in a different state than the one both our parents live in), but I was never sure if it was a "date" or just the old hanging out for coffee thing we've always done. He paid for me every time we went out, though, which he's never done before. Somehow we ended up talking about love, relationships, and all that and I told him that I had a crush on him in college. He said, "I wish I had known that" and we moved on to some other topic of conversation. Later that night, we were talking about xmas, and he made some comment about how he wished he could still get excited about it like when he was a kid, but the only feeling that came close to that for him anymore was falling in love with someone. I realized after I went home that I had a crush on him all over again. I dropped a few hints in this regard the next few times we went out, but tried not to be too pushy. Anyway, I can't tell if he likes me romantically or not. He kept looking at me, and I caught him full-on checking me out a few times. However, he almost never called me, and in all this time I am usually the one to send him email or initiate contact, rather than the other way around. He's also never tried to make a move on me (tried to hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss me, etc.) We went out with my sister and her boyfriend one night, and my sister thought his body language was protective of me, but I'm just not sure. One would think that if he was interested, he would have tried to kiss me after 10 dates in two weeks! He did kiss me on the cheek the last night I was in town, but that hardly seems like a strong sign of interest. He did pay me a few compliments, and introduced me to his brother and mother. He has made a few suggestive comments here and there, and we have engaged in some mutual flirting, but nothing obvious has been said. We both have some major qualities that the other finds important in a potential SO (we're both vegetarians and buddhists, for example), and I find him quite attractive. In other words, I am highly interested in moving beyond friends, but I can't help but think that if he were interested, he would make more of an effort to contact me. I've decided to give it a rest for a while, as I am back at school and about to start a major research project and I need my wits about me. But, I just can't seem to stop thinking about him. We do live in different states at the moment, but seeing as how he's been on the other side of the planet all this time, that doesn't really bother me too much. I'm just wondering if I should do something bold, like tell him that I am really interested, or if I should just let it drop. Thanks for your help, and I apologize for the length. Mander "I can hypnotize a pancake" --Luna Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 Hi I think the only way you can find out is to tell him how you feel. You will never know whether it is shyness of lack of interest that is holding him back. He sounds like a good guy so you should make a move before he is snapped up by another nice woman. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 There are actually guys (and gals) who seek out relationships just like the one you have with your friend. They have one or more issues relating to intimacy, abandonment, fear, etc. and they much prefer the friendship route with a female they could even be in love with. Once you talk to him, if he doesn't make a move in the direction you want him to at that time...move on...or just be his buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
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