tanbark813 Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 This is partially to vent, and partially to glean feedback. I'll probably come off a little... mmm.. immature maybe, I'm not really sure, but there have been a lot of little things lately that have been bugging me with my girlfriend. We were together for 5 months last year, broke up for about 10 months, and have been back together for about a month. We've told each other we love each other, want to make this work as long-term as possible, etc, etc... On to the list of little things. I'm curious to see if people agree with me or think I'm too nit-picky... 1. My gf calls me "honey", "baby", "sweetie", etc.. all the standard SO talk. I love that, but she calls all her friends those things too including guy friends and even exes. I've tried to explain to her that it bothers me and kind of puts me at the same level on her priority list as everyone else, but she thinks I have no right to feel that way. For her, she's always done that and my asking her to stop is--in her eyes--me trying to change her and she refuses to do so. She says she loves me and I shouldn't feel at the same level as everyone else. 2. We were lying in bed the other morning just being lazy and playful and she was kind of biting at my finger a bit. I asked her to suck on it--something she's done before many times--but she refused. She said she wasn't in the mood. I let it go and got up to take a shower. She asked me to stay because she wanted a hug and I replied, "Well I wanted you to suck on my finger but we don't always get what we want." I told her that I'm willing to hug her and kiss her and do whatever she wants to make her feel better but she can't do this one little thing for me. She says it's stupid and not important but I told her the little things are important to me and I don't see why she can't simply do something because it's affectionate and makes me feel good. She'll jump at the drop of a dime to bite me and cause me pain, but she has to be in the mood to do something nice? Granted, the act itself is trivial, but it's the attitude and tone behind the whole thing that gets under my skin. 3. When we're alone she's (for the most part) very sweet, affectionate, loving.. She even talks about being together forever and getting married and what our kids might look like. When we're out in a group of friends, however, the vibe changes. Suddenly she's this princess that needs no man. She's not quite as affectionate and she jokes about the stupidity of marriage. 4. Just this morning we were talking about going snowboarding this weekend. She said she doesn't think she can because she just got laid off and doesn't have the money. I told her I'm perfectly okay with paying for both of us but she doesn't know if she really wants to do that so we just left it open. No problem. But later this afternoon she called and said her friend is all ready to hit the slopes with us. WTF?? I asked her why when I wanted to go with her she had no money but when her friend is available suddenly she's all set to make plans. She gave me some bs about trying to surprise me but I called her on it saying that if she really wanted to surprise me she should make reservations for just the two of us and tell me about *that*, not invite her friend first and then let me know what's going on later. Then she said she couldn't cancel on her friend because her friend changed her hair appointment so she could make it this weekend so either we go with her or we don't go at all. So I said that basically she's willing to cancel on me but not on her friend but she, of course, denies that's how it is. There are a couple others I could mention, but for the past week or two, she keeps putting other people's feelings in front of mine or not taking mine into consideration at all. I've either tried to explain how I feel or just try to let it go but she always wants to know what's on my mind and what's getting to me. Then when I answer her question she gets pissed off at me for feeling however I feel and doesn't seem to know how to just talk it over with me calmly. I've explained all this to her but I have a bad feeling nothing is going to change. I also haven't heard from her all day and I'm guessing she's just going to head up to Tahoe anyway even though I said that we just shouldn't go at all. All I know right now is that something's gotta give and I have a feeling it's going to give real soon.... Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 I think little things mean more then others do im sure, All the little things add up when you notice that something is wrong. I think that she should of asked you if a friend can come along befor she asked her to change her hair appointment to go as well. She should think of your feelings and your relationship first. but that is only my two sence worth for what its worth Good Luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 As you might be. I'll break it down by issue: 1. Honey, Sweetie, Baby This one isn't a big deal it just shows that she uses those words to show she cares about a person. I think it's more an issue of you feeling as though she's not making your relationship a priority - and I think that has more to do with the other issues. 2. To suck or not to suck This one shows that she was acting selfishly. However is this a regular occurence or a one time deal? If it's a one-time deal than maybe she just wasn't in the mood and wasn't feeling well. However, if regularly it's all about her and not about you that shows that she is selfish and will always put her feelings first. Not the best girlfriend material, if you ask me. 3. Not around my friends This shows a bit of immaturity and 'playing to the crowd'. This could be how she really feels about marriage or just the image she wants to portray. Either way it's a bit of a warning bell. 4. Not without my friends From this I take it that she thought she would have more fun inviting a friend along. Have things been getting a bit boring or stale when it's just the two of you? These issues taken individually might appear as if you're making a mountain out of a molehill, but together - it spells that what you want and what she wants are different. I think you already knew that - now you need to decide what to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 8, 2003 Author Share Posted January 8, 2003 1. Yeah I suppose. The thing that really gets to me is I know for a fact she would be pissed if I started calling every girl "gorgeous" like I call her. 2. Her refusing to do it was a one-time thing, but it's an example of things that have happened repeatedly where she won't honor a simple request for me. 3. She says she'll change this one but I have yet to really see it. 4. I wouldn't say boring or stale, but definitely comfortable. One thing she says is that I still give her butterflies but that she can be herself and be comfortable around me. That part is good (provided it's true), and I've tried to mix it up a bit--like with the proposed trip to Tahoe--but it's like pulling teeth sometimes. Finally, I know I can't force her to act a certain way so one way or another it'll work itself out: Either she starts to take what I feel into consideration, or I find someone who will. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted January 8, 2003 Author Share Posted January 8, 2003 Well thanks for the feedback but it doesn't really matter any more. We got into everything again this morning and finally she had enough. She called me last night after having spent 3 hours with her ex and when asked if she would see him again, she said she might to pick up some disk for a real estate class. When I requested that I go with her when she sees her ex, she got all pissy and said she was tired of all this and broke things off. I don't know how many times I have to be kicked in the teeth by this lesson until I finally learn it for good: People don't change. Henry Rollins said something along the lines of, "People don't change, they just find better ways of covering up their ****." I agree wholeheartedly. But no matter how hard one tries to cover up their ****, the stink eventually gives it away. The supposed "love of my life" would rather do things her way than take my feelings into consideration. Rather than work things out and discuss things calmly, she chooses to run away. Well so be it. I can't force a positive response from someone whose only real concern is herself. As much as she drones on about growing and changing, she's still the same selfish little girl afraid of giving a little in a relationship and scared to death of being abandoned. So rather than waiting for that dark end, she chooses to push me away instead. So here I tread, once again, back into the festering cess pool of single life wondering whether bliss or pain awaits me in the future. One way or another, I'm sure something interesting will come along... Link to post Share on other sites
love? Posted January 10, 2003 Share Posted January 10, 2003 Don't be surprised when she comes crying back to you again. Some people just don't know when they have a good thing until it's gone...... Link to post Share on other sites
Tolkien Posted January 10, 2003 Share Posted January 10, 2003 Thats true, but I don't trust people who will be nice to you in private, but then once they get in the spot light will talk to you, or about you like your dirt, treat you like that too. I don't know if that made any since, but when I was in 6th grade, the two "most popular" guys would make fun of me, just to get a laugh out of the crowd, or whoever was around them, but when either of them were not with there friends, they would be nice, like we were friends or something. I don't know, that's just always something I look out for, in relationships, friendships or whatever. Are you comfortable in public? If not, then it will never work. If she comes crying back to you, don't take her back immediately, if I were you I would sit her down and talk to her like two adults, because otherwise you will set yourself up for the same exact pattern. Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 10, 2003 Share Posted January 10, 2003 Originally posted by love? Don't be surprised when she comes crying back to you again. Some people just don't know when they have a good thing until it's gone...... Your right but others stop and think about things before moving on as well:) sometimes things happen for a reason that we dont understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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