Tell me what you think

[Chainbrain]

Alright. I'm in the 12th grade. Me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago today. We went out for 9 months (10 months tomorrow), but we were exclusive for about 18. Anyway, heres the story.

 

I'm going to make this as short as possible.

 

I met this girl in grade 9. Most beautiful thing in the world, and I crushed on her until the start of 11th grade. I heard she liked me so I thought I'd give it a shot. We hung out for a bit and she told me that she liked me alot and loved me like a friend but she had just broken up with a boyfriend of about 16 months. She wanted time to be single. So we stayed friends, but admitted that we were dating. We didn't make out or anything, just little greeting kisses when we met and parted ways, you know.

 

The thing was, we stared "dating" in October, and for the second semester she was going on exchange to Europe for 6 months. I was in love with this girl, though I knew she wasn't in love with me, so I would deal with it when she came. While she was gone we still said we were dating each other. She said she fell in love with me when we were apart, and the day she came back, we began "going out".

 

Everything was fine and all that for a long time. We hardly fought, and when we did, we could just laugh it off. I won't go into detail how awesome we were to each other, but just know the whole thing was amazing.

 

So we had an excellent summer after she came back, and when school started it was good too. But when exams came, she wanted to break up. I'll just say this girl is suffering from depression, but it was hardly an issue ever. She takes on way to much (Shes school council prez, lead in school musical, writes the school paper) and stress does bad things to her. So when she wanted to break up before exams we calmly talked about it and I talked her out of it because her reasons were a bit absurd. She said shes been thinking about the future and that we might not fit so she won't bother. I convinced her that that would be a problem when it came, since we were planning on staying a year back, both for different reasons, but it was a good match.

 

So now its about 3 months later, and the school play is in crunch mode since they aren't really ready and need practice all the time. She is mega stressed and just out of the blue at school during lunch she decides we need to break up. She said the same reasons as before that shes been thinking about the future and she needs to find herself, wants independence etc. I'm not an angry person, and if this is the end I want it to end on good terms. So I said okay and went home.

 

The next day we talked and she assured me that her feelings are final, no second chances. After some talking she agreed that we could discuss possibilities after the school play was finished which is sunday. She says she still loves me very much, but is confused whether or not she is still in love with me. But I shouldn't keep my hopes up, she says. One of her big reasons that she told her mom though was that I wasn't exactly mega supportive of her throughout this play (me and her mother talk alot) and I have realized this and I know what I did wrong. It was the only problem my ex told her we had.

 

Anyways, its friday today. We broke up last friday. We've had a few little convos here and there, but nothing about relationship. Just about school work and such. Shes been out of school due to play practice and shes been performing this week. I went opening night and met her after and gave her a hug and told her she was amazing and she did an awesome job. I thought I'd make up for my incompetence by giving her a congrats card. I did a good job holding it, but began to tear after a bit. The look she gave me though was one I was familliar with. Its the one she always gave me when we would talk about deep things and confess our love to each other.

 

So she IM'ed me saying the card was very sweet but says not to expect a major turn around sunday when we talk. The thing is though, I know she hasn't thought about it at all. She wants all of her head in the play, so she wont think about me. So I think that once the play is done, shes have room to think and I might be able to make her see that I know my mistakes, and I love her very much. Today she IM's me saying shes not taking that extra year off and shes going away next year, but shes always been impulsive and it probably won't happen. It doesn't hurt, it actually gives me some hope. We can do long distance, we've done it. And maybe when she thinks, she'll realize she can be independent at university so we can try again until that time and see what happens when we get there. I told her that it kinda ruined my hopes of second chances, but she says nothing. She says we'll talk sunday.

 

I don't know what to expect. Her mom and sister are thinking what I'm thinking. If we're over though we're still going to be friends for sure, no doubt. I just want her to be my loving girlfriend again so we can experience graduation together and a nice awesome summer.

 

I know my story is long, and I probably haven't explained it that great for speculation, but from what you guys gather, what should I think?

[Chainbrain]

Can someone please read and reply.

 

I would really like a 3rd party response.

[chryssy83]

Take what she says for what it appears to be--for some reason she doesn't want to be with you. You can't second-guess it or you'll drive yourself nuts. Maybe she'll come back one day, maybe she won't. Or maybe you won't be there anymore when she does. Long distance is HARD, and if she goes away to college she will change A LOT. Knowing all these things, I think you just respect her wishes.

 

If you keep being her boyfriend, you're going to do one of two things. (Neither is good.) Either you'll eliminate the need for her to come back, because she'll have you and the freedom to do whatever she wants OR you'll drive her nuts because she already said it's over. Either way, you don't move on or get what you want from her. I say go NC. If she's not your girlfriend she doesn't get to be your close friend.

 

As for being friends--you can be friends with an Ex, I think, but not until ALL the romantic feelings are gone for BOTH of you. It's not like that now, so you should avoid that situation.

 

Not what you wanted to hear, is it?