Durt Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Hi. I'm new to the site and this is my first post. My wife recently (within the last month) confessed to having an emotional affair with someone from her past. We've been married 11 years with 2 kids, both are young. We've been seeing a counselor since the time this happened, and he recommended that she cut off all ties with this guy. As I've never been one to tell her what she could/could not do, I told her (since I didn't fully know all the details of their relationship, nor do I care to fully know) that I didn't want to stand in the way of a friendship, but I could not tolerate anything more than that. Long story short, I'm convinced there is still something there. Oddly enough, she's been very friendly with me as of late. Our last counselling session revealed some of the ways that she's forced me away from her over the years. But this was a very quick change of heart for her. She tells me that I have nothing to fear, and everything is plutonic, etc.. In desperation, however, I did manage to verify that they've been communicating on a very flirtatious level. Fortunately, there is an advantage of physical distance--about 7 hours. But they email consantly, IM each other all day, and talk quite a bit on the phone. . .still. It sickens me. I should also mention that he is married, with several children. I don't know what to do. To tell her where I've got my information would not be a good thing. How do I catch her in this, especially when she supposedly wants to be close with me? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Install a keylogger on her computer, sit back and wait. It won't be long before you are able to compile a large amount of damning evidence. Once you get it, print it out and then make a call to this guy's wife and arrange for her to get a copy too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 Install a keylogger on her computer, sit back and wait. It won't be long before you are able to compile a large amount of damning evidence. Once you get it, print it out and then make a call to this guy's wife and arrange for her to get a copy too. It's OK for him to take care of his own marriage, but the other couple's is none of his business... That would be evil. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 5, 2007 Share Posted May 5, 2007 At his point there is not much you can do... Even if you tell her that you know everything... I doubt very much she will stop... She got addicted to this emotional affair which cause just as much damage if not more than a physical affair. You need to have a serious talk with her and tell her she HAS TO STOP contacting him or else you will end the marriage... period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Durt Posted May 5, 2007 Author Share Posted May 5, 2007 I hate to say it, but you're entirely correct Lizzy. I've thought about a keylogger, but I don't want to stoop to her level. I know things are not right, and have enough evidence otherwise to prove it. The hard part is that now she is just blissfully going on acting like everything is perfect. Guilt got to her the first time. Now, I don't know what has happened. I don't fully understand the details of their relationship, and I don't really want to. In one way, the process has been beneficial. It has shown me exactly the type of person she is. At this stage in the game, it's going to take a LONG time for me to regain my trust in her. Couple that with her selfishness, and her CONSTANT need for attention, and her inability to keep our problems private. . .uggh. I fear for our children. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 This woman you're married to isn't the woman you fell inlove with. She DOES love you, she's just not emotionally attached with you anymore, thanks to the budding 'friendship' with this other guy. She's addicted to how he makes her feel. She is getting something from him that she isn't or can't get from you. And, it's all based on good times, fantasy and fun. You have to decide what route to take. Tell the OM's wife what is going on between your wife and her husband, confront your wife, MAKE her understand what she is doing is wrong, that she needs to see what she is doing to you, the marriage and to the family...Until she's ready to understand, she won't change. No consquences felt, no changes...She needs to get into one on one counselling and fix herself. The constant need for attention (OM supplies that well for her and her ego), her selfishness, her neglecting you, the marriage and the kids. I hope soon she wakes up before it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 it's going to take a LONG time for me to regain my trust in her. I'm not entirely sure why you would consider ever trusting her. She will continue to have affairs like this for as long as your passive behavior allows for it to happen. Affairs don't end unless they are forced to end, usually paired with a very real threat of a very real loss. Waiting for a WS to feel bad enough to want to end it on their own won't result in anything but you waiting a long time for something that won't ever happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 It's OK for him to take care of his own marriage, but the other couple's is none of his business... That would be evil. I soooo disagree, if it is conflicting with his own marriage, then he has every right to take the initative to stop it on the other end, by letting OM's wife know what's been going on between his wife and her husband. Until this is done, there can be NO rebuilding process, they might as well divorce now and get it over with. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts