Cocaine questions...

[Guest]

OK - I have to admit that I have very limited personal knowledge regarding this drug. In my late teens I certainly played around with pot, hash and mushrooms but was never interested in experimenting with coke or acid.

 

Fast forward 20 years and I am finding myself dating someone who has just confessed to having had a huge coke problem. Now, he claims to be free of it for the past three years. He says he used to be a dealer, used to have tons of cash and has absolutely nothing left from those days. That he went way down hill and lost everything.

 

Currently he has a very stable job - and claims it is something he loves doing. He also says he is involved in a few other business ventures. To be honest I am not sure whether or not I believe everything he has said.

 

I can be a very skeptical and cynical person. My first instinct is to walk away. However, another part of me acknowledges that he didn't have to tell me this and if he hadn't I would continue to date him for now. I guess I am trying to decide if there any point.

 

So to make this decision I have to wonder whether 3 years is a sufficient time out of that culture? He has moved back to his home state now - which is not where this happened. He seems to have rebuilt his life. He is close to his family and it looks like a good support system. Is this something I should be worried about? Should it be accepted as a part of his past and left there?

[LoveLace]

Read the thread about the girl with the coke-addict boyfriend. If you can identify with any of her problems, then worry.

 

But it sounds to me like your boyfriend is sincere and successful at kicking the habit, and changing his life. Especially if it was all in another state, he's far away from that crowd...not that he couldn't join a new crowd anywhere else. His confession, however, is a good sign that it's truly behind him. If he were say currently using, he probably wouldn't be talking to you about his past habit. If he's been clean for 3 years, chances are he's clean for life. I'd doubt he wants to hit rock bottom a 2nd time, especially now that he has a job he loves, and you...any addict is susceptible to relapsing; but for now I'd treat as a thing of the past.

 

What makes you reluctant to believe him? And what exactly is it your not sure you believe? If certain parts of his story are questionable to you, be honest and talk to him about those things. He was honest by telling you something he probably doesn't exactly want a lot of people to know about, so he must feel close to you. Maybe he can clear up whatever it is that your uneasy about.

 

But heavy coke users are obvious, that is if you know what to look for...blowing their nose a lot, going to the bathroom a lot (to snort), saying their "sick" a lot, sleeping a lot after a long night out, wide eyes (while high) ...can you tell I've known coke users or what? Also, the drug isn't cheap. A good dent in the pocket is usually pretty noticeable to a signifigant other. But if he's only dealing and not using, that would probably be harder to catch on to.

[sb129]

I have a friend who had a big coke problem. She is now happily married, has a gorgeous one year old son and owns her own successful business.

 

Give your guy a chance, he is innocent until proven guilty..... if you start to see any signs that he has returned to his old habits, then readdress your concerns.

[Guest]

Read the thread about the girl with the coke-addict boyfriend. If you can identify with any of her problems, then worry.

 

But it sounds to me like your boyfriend is sincere and successful at kicking the habit, and changing his life. Especially if it was all in another state, he's far away from that crowd...not that he couldn't join a new crowd anywhere else. His confession, however, is a good sign that it's truly behind him. If he were say currently using, he probably wouldn't be talking to you about his past habit. If he's been clean for 3 years, chances are he's clean for life. I'd doubt he wants to hit rock bottom a 2nd time, especially now that he has a job he loves, and you...any addict is susceptible to relapsing; but for now I'd treat as a thing of the past.

 

What makes you reluctant to believe him? And what exactly is it your not sure you believe? If certain parts of his story are questionable to you, be honest and talk to him about those things. He was honest by telling you something he probably doesn't exactly want a lot of people to know about, so he must feel close to you. Maybe he can clear up whatever it is that your uneasy about.

 

But heavy coke users are obvious, that is if you know what to look for...blowing their nose a lot, going to the bathroom a lot (to snort), saying their "sick" a lot, sleeping a lot after a long night out, wide eyes (while high) ...can you tell I've known coke users or what? Also, the drug isn't cheap. A good dent in the pocket is usually pretty noticeable to a signifigant other. But if he's only dealing and not using, that would probably be harder to catch on to.

 

Thank you for responding. Your last line sort of hit home. He did say that for a long time he was only dealing and not using.

 

I have accepted what he is saying and trying to just keep my eyes open. It does seem like he has everything "together".

[Diamonds&Rust]

There doesn't seem to be any reason to be concerned about it.

 

If he is still doing coke, it's not a problem.

 

When you get really, really into it, it's pretty hard to hide. Look for dilated pupils, irregular sleeping patterns, excitability, financial trouble, and a persistent sniffing habit.