My Wife's "Friend".

[sealerpal]

I will make this short and simple. At my wife's former place of employment, she worked with a 45 year old guy named Lou. They both liked to jog during lunch, so they (and a few other employees) all jogged the grounds of the office complex together. I guess she and Lou became pretty good friends, going out to lunch together sometimes, etc.

 

Apparantly something happened that freaked her out with him at some point, although she has never gone into detail about it...and kept the fact from me for several months. My best guess is that this sleazy guy Lou made a move on her. Well anyway, she switched jobs (not related to this issue) and he kept calling her everyday, basically harassing her. She wouldn't come completely clean with me about the extent of the harassment, so I had to go behind her back and ask a mutual friend, who told me it was pretty bad.

 

I called the guy and told him to stop calling her. This was last year. The calls have now started up again.

 

I told this guy once to quit and he didn't get the message. My wife won't do a damn thing to stop it, so I kinda feel like my hands are tied here. I'm not going to call him again, since obviously that didn't work in the first place. I know where he lives and I'm going to pay him a visit. He's a 45 year old office worker. I'm 29, and I do paving work. Gee, wonder who's going to win this one LOL! I'm going to turn this guy's face into jelly. I really don't like the fact that I have to beat the crap out of this guy, but at this point I don't see any alternative. Any suggestions? This guy is a punk and he needs to stay the hell away from my family.

[Art_Critic]

If you go to his house and assault him you will find yourself in jail and brought up on charges.

Being on the wrong side of the law would not be in your wifes best interests.. or yours

 

I would find out from your wife the specifics of his harassment and find out what has been documented and then document everything from this point forward.

If there is enough evidence then go get a restraining order against him..

 

or you could just call him again and make it even more clear that his harassment of your wife will lead to probems for him.

 

Please start by talking to your wife about this.. this problem isn't all yours to fix and needs to be brought out in the open between you both in order to get a solution for it that will work

[sealerpal]

I just hate dealing with things that way. This guy is a soft, creamy excuse for a man and needs to be taught a lesson. I'm more than willing to face and accept the consequences if he's stupid enough to call the cops on me for beating him into next week. I will make it perfectly clear (before he blacks out) that calling the cops will only result in a beating a thousand times worse than the first one.

 

Here's an interesting alternative: He's married! Perhaps I should start calling his wife! I wonder how he'd like that!

 

Like I said, my wife just wants to "ignore him". Well, it's been well over a year and that hasn't worked. This guy obviously thinks I'm just another office mush who fights with words, and calls the cops when things get too heated. He's sadly mistaken. I've shattered noses, broken jaws, and knocked teeth out over far less than this back in the "day" before I got married, settled down, etc. I haven't been in a fight since I got married 7 years ago. I simply haven't had a reason to be in one. Until now.

 

At the bare minimum I think I'll just confront him face to face, maybe slap him around a little and make him pee himself. Correction on his age, he's 47 instead of 45. I hope that's not elder abuse, LMAO! I can't wait to see the look of horror on his face when I introduce myself to him. Perhaps beating him senseless is a little too much. I'd just like to smack him around a bit and humiliate him. If it comes down to it, I can live with a simple assult charge. I'm not looking to run for public office anytime soon. It would also make him look like even more of a puss if he called the cops because he got slapped around by a guy who's wife he was harassing.

[Art_Critic]

What makes you think that you can kick his ass ?..You sound like you have a bit of a temper.. normally those type go down easy..

 

This guy.. Being 47 doesn't make him a wimp.. but harassing your wife does,

 

Slapping him.. punching him will put you in jail..

[LakesideDream]

Sealerpal, you need to do a little catch up work before you go to war. First, you need to find out what was between your wife and the other guy. She may be more responsible than you realize.

 

Even more important, you need to abandon this idea of "pounding" him, and threatening him with further violence if he "reports" you. In every state, going to his home with the purpose of "pounding him" is a class one felony assault. Thats YEARS in prison. Threatening him is a second felony that will add more years to your sentence. What do you think your wife will be doing when you are locked up?

 

Last.. at 29 you feel invincible. We all did. I'm 57 now, and a shadow of my previous physical self. Still, I have no fear. As a former USMC officer with two tours in the sh*t, with thirty plus years of life afterward I know my limitations. If attacked (as you are planning) I know my only recourse verses a young guy like you is deadly force. You may be planning to pound him, he may be prepared to apply six pounds of pressure with his index finger. Remember, Gawd created all men equal, and Samuel Colt keeps them that way.

 

Tread carefully.

[Trialbyfire]

Don't mix it up with this guy. There's got to be a reason why he feels it's acceptable to harrass your wife, knowing that you are aware this is happening and odd why she won't tell you everything.

 

If you know all the phone numbers that he's calling from, get call block. Sooner or later he will get tired of calling nobody.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The OM isn't your problem. This is:

 

My wife won't do a damn thing to stop it

 

The guy is simply a nasty symptom of a larger problem. This guy won't back off as long as he is getting a green light from your wife (even if she is ignoring him - her refusal to actively dump his is still seen as a green light). Your wife has to actively get rid of this guy - she has to tell him point blank to leave her alone, and never contact her again. That is step one to getting rid of him. Step two would be to expose what is going on to his wife.

 

I can tell you this - you can't end this affair by yourself. Your wife has to take an active role as well. OM/OW don't just go away, as long as there is some hope of them getting what they want. Ignoring them won't work. The BS coming after them to beat their ass won't work (it only results in the BS getting punished for it). Telling their spouse works to some extent, but as long as the WS is sending signals to keep it up, they will find a way to keep it up - so in a sense, exposure by itself won't work either. The only way to get rid of an OM/OW is when the WS brutally and usually under threat of a restraining order, dumps them with no hope of ever starting up the affair again.

 

Once OM is gone though, understand you have treated a symptom - not the illness. You have to find out what is inside her that led her to this affair in the first place, and figure out a way to fix whatever it is - or if it can't be fixed, walk away.

[Richard_J]

The OM isn't your problem. This is:

 

 

 

The guy is simply a nasty symptom of a larger problem. This guy won't back off as long as he is getting a green light from your wife (even if she is ignoring him - her refusal to actively dump his is still seen as a green light). Your wife has to actively get rid of this guy - she has to tell him point blank to leave her alone, and never contact her again. That is step one to getting rid of him. Step two would be to expose what is going on to his wife.

 

I can tell you this - you can't end this affair by yourself. Your wife has to take an active role as well. OM/OW don't just go away, as long as there is some hope of them getting what they want. Ignoring them won't work. The BS coming after them to beat their ass won't work (it only results in the BS getting punished for it). Telling their spouse works to some extent, but as long as the WS is sending signals to keep it up, they will find a way to keep it up - so in a sense, exposure by itself won't work either. The only way to get rid of an OM/OW is when the WS brutally and usually under threat of a restraining order, dumps them with no hope of ever starting up the affair again.

 

Once OM is gone though, understand you have treated a symptom - not the illness. You have to find out what is inside her that led her to this affair in the first place, and figure out a way to fix whatever it is - or if it can't be fixed, walk away.

 

I agree with LB that exposure to his wife is a "possible fix". (I think that is another way of putting it).

 

But I also agree with her that there is a cause. It's in her or more likely between you and her.

 

I don't hear you wondering about how well you're filling her needs. Because she is showing strong evidence of a woman who is not being taken care of. I strongly believe that if one spouse isn't making it happen for the other, then eventually, the other will start showing these very signs, and in many cases, eventually follows through, in spite of having been a loyal and decent spouse for years before.

 

Sting: "If you don't love her, you're best friend will"

 

You seem the type who can take it straight ...

Are you floating her boat?

[Darth Vader]

It's possible that your wife slept with him and is afraid to admit it, she may have stopped it and other guy is trying to expose it. Do some research such as talking to your wifes former workers, stuff goes "around" if you know what I mean. Calling OM wife is an idea, but why stop there, call his work place, inform them of the situation. Harrassment is a form of stalking.........

[kepners]

right. 45 dont make him weak! but with a bat it does... but to fight him street style require one rule! u move fast you move quickly u make sure no one sees you and u kick him in the balls first then pound him!

 

NOW that how you win a street fight, or you do it dirty. but honest man to man you have to take charge!!! YOUR THE MAN. you can talk to him man to man making sure that his wife hears and making sure u know all the details

 

OR just make her change her number... then ring him to say i am coming to se you about this, i asked you to stop!

 

sorry for all the fighting talk, but i am doorman... its my way sometimes...

[Salicious Crumb]

I told this guy once to quit and he didn't get the message. My wife won't do a damn thing to stop it, so I kinda feel like my hands are tied here. I'm not going to call him again, since obviously that didn't work in the first place. I know where he lives and I'm going to pay him a visit. He's a 45 year old office worker. I'm 29, and I do paving work. Gee, wonder who's going to win this one LOL!

 

Be careful of that...I'm in IT and think I can take most of the construction workers out there..especially the ones that just stand there holding the signs...

 

But I digress man...you definitely are justified in your feelings of wanting to pummel this guy...but don't.

 

Instead..what about filing charges? And if your wife won't file charges...maybe there is more to the story...hmm?

 

I'm going to turn this guy's face into jelly. I really don't like the fact that I have to beat the crap out of this guy, but at this point I don't see any alternative. Any suggestions? This guy is a punk and he needs to stay the hell away from my family.

 

Can I ask why your wife won't do anything? Would she be agreeable to filing charges?

[Salicious Crumb]

right. 45 dont make him weak! but with a bat it does... but to fight him street style require one rule! u move fast you move quickly u make sure no one sees you and u kick him in the balls first then pound him!

 

NOW that how you win a street fight, or you do it dirty. .

 

Exactly...I have trained for 20 years since I have been 18 in boxing, karate, and jujutsu...the latter being the most effective, especially against a psycho who goes crazy on you.

 

But when its on the street...you do what you have to do. But there is no such thing as fighting dirty in my opinion when you are acting in self defense. When in self defense you didn't want to fight, you didn't ask for it...so you do what you gotta do.

 

Even Bruce Lee condoned biting when in a bad situation.

[sealerpal]

Fellas, I've had enough time to do my homework on this mush. I've seen him (he's never seen me), he's never been in a fight, no military background, etc. Come on. What ever happened to the good ol' days where you could knock someone's block off for just about anything. God, I remember getting in fights in school and really messing some kids up pretty bad. Punishment: 3 days suspension. Big deal.

 

I'm going to rattle this mush's cage in some form, just don't know exactly how yet. Someone told me he said something about having a gypsy after him, and he was "concerned". Well, good. He should be concerned.

 

He's a short, scrawny cokehead mush who likes to pick up on younger women even though he's married. I'm sure that in his "world", everyone he's fu*ked with like that hasn't done sh*t, other than maybe call him and politely ask him to back off. That's how mush yuppies operate, they're a bunch of pussies. He's never been around someone like me. I come from a whole different world than the one he's used to. When something ****ty happens to one of us, we deal with it on our own. He's about to discover that fact.

[kepners]

i agree you dont hear me complaining!

 

its why us blokes think long and hard about getting involved with another mans misses, for this very reason alone!!! its very very different for women, for one reason, he can stop her from fighting... she very rearly can. other than an incident that happens there and then!

 

in my experince and i have ... ALOT of fights.. you bulldoze him! but call him first, too.... scare him, because he will hear INTENT in your voice... INTENET that there never was before...

but remember to have an a cover story... not point out the obvious, but ur dealing with a middle class white man, who will go to the police! for me he needs a straightener!

no man is going to come on to my misses

 

but remeber to have all the facts... not to say this has happened before, btu when ur bulldozing him and he's screaming he will say stuff... your misses hasnt!..... before you do anything you speak to her and tell her the place u r in as a MAN who having his love of his life chased! she will understadn trust. just make sure u have everything in the way of information buddy.

 

let me know how it goes... god i have a nasty side....

[whichwayisup]

If he is harrassing your wife, then call the police and file charges against him. Taking matters into your own hands is not a good idea, as much as you want to pound his face in, that won't help in the long run. You'll find yourself in jail, not being able to DO anything, while he'll just keep on calling your wife.

 

Something isn't right, why is your wife afraid to stand up to him? Why hasn't she actually told you what happened between them? That really makes me think they fooled around, kissed or something - And then she changed her mind, backed off and he got pissed off, enough to keep calling and bugging her.....

 

TALK TO YOUR WIFE. Find out the actual truth.

[Enema]

Just step back from the anger for a second.

 

You're willing to go to jail (and it will happen) for a woman that is not willing to tell you the whole truth about what happened, or take an active role in shutting him down.

 

It's not worth it man. You need to get your wife to sort this out pronto.

 

If you step in and she doesn't... the other guy will think that she wants him but you're stopping it. It won't solve anything.

[Sheba]

I am sorry to say, sealer, that I agree with the others. Your wife's behaviour is suspect. I think that "something" did happen between this man and your wife and she is afraid to confront him for fear of you finding out. He has some "dirt" on her, or she would put a stop to this herself.

 

I think you should sit her down and ask her some specific questions about whether she thought of having a romantic relationship with this man, if she sent him inappropriate emails, if she kissed him - whatever. Tell her that you plan to pursue it with him anyway (even though I urge you NOT TO DO THAT) and you might get the truth from her.

 

If you want to make the man's life hell, call his wife. If he no longer works with your wife, call his employer. Call the cops. You think that you will get satisfaction from taking a round out of him, but I think you will be satisfied VERY BRIEFLY and he will get the last laugh when you are hauled off to prison.

 

There is nothing an "office mush" hates like public humiliation. His wife bitching at him, his boss reprimanding him, the cops at his door.....those are revenge strategies with lasting power!

[sealerpal]

Yes, I'm pretty sure something did happen. Probably they kissed, maybe a little more. I'm not the controlling type, but I always keep close tabs on her. So I'm 100% sure this wasn't a long-term cheating thing. My wife is very friendly, and sometimes "friendly" from a women can be viewed as "let's get it on" by a guy. My wife used to have alot of guy friends before we got married. They didn't like me too much so they don't come around anymore.

 

I would guess he probably initiated something she felt uncomfortable with (kiss, maybe just said he found her attractive). At any rate, I know she was very creeped out by it. Then the phone harassment began.

 

This guy doesn't know what I am or how people like me deal with situations like this. Like I said before, he's a cookie-cutter, middle class office mush. Without going into great detail here, all I can say is that I don't live the same way people like him do. He knows nothing about me, and assumes I am just another regular Joe who won't do anything. I'm sure my wife isn't the only woman he harasses. I don't like people like him in the first place, but the fact that he's medaling in my life, with my wife, really burns me up.

 

When I really think of it, beating his ass really isn't becoming of someone like me. I should figure out some other creative, but equally (if not more) way of ruining him. It would be even better if I could profit from it somehow. I've thought about showing up at his house with a forged work order and blacktopping his driveway, then claim he owes me about 20 times what I'd normally charge for a job that size LOL! It would be even better if his wife was home and I could convince her to let me do the job and sign off on it, then pay me!

 

Seriously though, I don't know what I'm a gonna do. This guy is like a zit on my ass that won't go away. I just wanna blast him in the mouth, but he'll for sure call the cops.

[sealerpal]

If you want to make the man's life hell, call his wife. If he no longer works with your wife, call his employer. Call the cops.

 

Can I call the cops? Maybe I should talk to one to review my options.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, he definately will call the cops on you. He'll turn it around on YOU, saying that you're the jealous and out of control husband as your wife cheated on you, and you're out for revenge. He may go down like a ton of bricks if you nail him in the face...But he ain't stupid...He'll use that in everyway possible to screw YOU over.

 

You are assuming alot about what happened with him and your wife. Time to sit, and ask to tell you the truth, talk about ALL that happened between them. She's probably scared to tell you the truth...

 

Another thing, you two need to talk about your marriage...She may feel a need of hers isn't being met and that is why she allowed herself to get involved with another man. Consider some marriage counselling, it can only help and bring you two closer.

[whichwayisup]

Can I call the cops? Maybe I should talk to one to review my options.

Yes, but not before you talk to your wife. You need to know ALL that happened between them, so you don't look like a fool by not knowing all the details and how it led up to him harrassing your wife and calling so much.

[sealerpal]

You are assuming alot about what happened with him and your wife.

 

I know, but like I said I keep close tabs. When this all started going down, I wasn't the only one watching her. There were no "dates", hotel rooms, sleepovers, etc. I covered my ass on that one, because I knew in the beginning if she was f**king him, she'd never come clean about it.

 

Bottom line is this guy is an obsessive, sleazy scumbag. He's a pervert and someone needs to straighten his ass out...one way or another.

 

Most likely they probably kissed or something and she knows I'd go straight to his house and rip his throat out if I knew for sure. AND SHE'S RIGHT! However, I know there was never an in-depth relationship of any type due to phone records, having her followed, having him followed, etc.

 

Now I just gotta figure out what I'm gonna do about this guy. I gotta straighten out his Puerto Rican ass somehow. While I'd love to pull his lungs out through his nose and feed them to his mother, I know my ass would surely wind up in the clink. Maybe I should just go up to him, grab his cell phone, and smash it into little pieces. Then tell him "this is your head next time". Do you think he'll get the point? I don't mind paying for a new cell phone for him.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Sure, he'll get the point. And you'll get arrested.

 

Do you plan to beat the ass of every guy your wife gets involved with, or are you going to address the real problem: that your wife cheats on you?

[sealerpal]

Aside from just simply giving someone the benefit of the doubt, doesn't it make any difference that I had her followed and watched while all of this was happening? I love my wife and while I don't trust her (I don't trust anyone), I seriously don't think there was any whoring around on her part.

 

Just yesterday I did a driveway for a woman and she asked me out. I smiled and said "I guess you didn't see this" and held up my left hand to show her my wedding ring. Does that mean I cheated? Saying that my wife is cheating on me without any solid evidence is stupid. Especially when my evidence points to the reality that she's not, and hasn't.

 

So you're basically telling me my wife's a whore and there's nothing I can do about it? Believe me, I'm not in any sort of "denial" here. We have no kids, so if my wife cheated I would throw her ass to the curb, leave her the God damned house, hop in my RV, head down south and she'd never find me again! No alimony, NO NOTHING! That might sound cold, but I could do it in a heartbeat if she betrayed me. Oh, and by the way...(hypothetically speaking) the guy she cheated on me with...he'd disappear too. Forever. Sorry, but your version of what you think is going on here isn't accurate.

 

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's spotting a liar and reading people. I grew up around all gypsy people and you learn to read people like a book. we are never wrong. We are smart and crafty. WAY more crafty than this Office mush. My wife doesn't share my past and that's where we differ, so I can read her a book. Regular people aren't very good at lying, unless they're doing it to themselves. You simply can't pull the wool over our eyes, because it's us who's been pulling it over their eyes for the past 1500 years! LOL! As the old saying goes you can't con a con man (or something like that). I'm not a criminal however, and I run a legitimate business I might add.

 

Anyway, back to the real problem: HIM. Should I just let it go? Should I go and slap him around? Surely a humiliating bitch slap, spit in the face and grab of the throat won't get me in too much trouble. As a man, I gotta do something. This is just eating at me.

[whichwayisup]

But she did cheat on you...Maybe she didn't have sex with him, but as you said, she shared something with him. Whether it was a kiss, or they did some fooling around, groping etc., she let it happen. Then, obviously changed her mind.

 

What you need to do is join a gym and put that energy into a punching bag. Going after the OM is pointless unless he is still calling and harrassing your wife. Your best way of getting him is getting the police involved. He won't be able to hide that from his wife.