Young and worried

[AudaciousKP]

I've been with this man since I was 16. I am not twenty years old and we have a two year old daughter together. We got together because of my circumstance. I did not have anywhere to go and he offered me a place to live. I didn't know much about him and at the time it was the lesser of all evils. We were fine the first year or so. After that, we started arguing a lot. I figured it was a result of my pregnancy. After I gave birth it got worse. We've been back and forth states. At one point I was living in NY and he in Ma.. he ended up cheating on me 2x because " I wasn't treating him right" yet I was 400 miles away. I got upset and decided to return the favor. He found out and we broke up for a month. We then decided to get back together a few months later. He is a great father and I can tell he loves me but we have some differences that have started to take a toll on me. I have love for him but i don't think i'm inlove with him. i just see us as too opposite people. I'm very passionate about school and he isn't. He doesn't have a hs diploma and while some say it shouldn't be a major issue, for some reason it is for me. He is 25 years old and is not interested in school at all. Secondly, he is too jealous. A few nights ago he decided to call every number in my phone book at 2:30 in the morning. Some were my teacher's office and the others weree female students who had school the next day. This all started because I told him that I might have to leave the state in two years to attend grad school. He told me that we might as well break up now because he will not be with me if I have to leave the state. To me, this seems as if he is trying to control me and my future. i don't need someone to bring me down. The same night he saw an I.M from one of my good guy friends and automatically assumed that I was cheating on him. He also smokes weed and I don't like the fact that he does. Whenever he visits my family in NY, he will come home high and my parents get upset at it. He smokes inside of the house when my daughter is home. He also drives around smoking and then will pick her up slightly high. I just don't feel that our relationship is going in a positive direction. We barely have fun anymore. I can't have an intelligent conversation with him about anything........ he is completely indifferent whenever I try to express my emotions. He tells me to just "snap out of it" whenever i'm feeling depressed or anxious. I'd rather be inspired.

 

I keep telling him that I need some time to figure myself out because I cannot focus on school, our daughter and him at the same time. I also let him know that we didn't get together because we loved each other, everything just happened so fast. It wasn't a well thought out decision. He doesn't understand that i'm just not ready to be in such a serious relationship. I rather live on my own and take care of my daughter. I just feel this situation is too overwhelming for me. I need some time to mature as a person and figure out what it is I truely want. I'm afraid to make the decision because I know things will be much harder as a single mother and also he keeps telling me that I will never find someone as good as him. I'm worried that I might be making a huge mistake. He claims that I am just not appreciative of him.I'm not sure if this is true or not but I keep having this feeling that we aren't meant for each other. I understand because I have a child I can't live my life like a typical 20 year old but I also believe that there is more out there for me. This relationship shouldn't be what I will live with for the rest of my life. I'm even worried about getting married... i don't want to but he does. I don't feel that i'm ready to be committed to someone but he tells me i should be because I have a daughter with him already and breaking up the family wouldn't be a good thing. Can someone please offer me some advice on what it is I should do or what they think about this whole situation?

[annabelle75]

This relationship just isn't working for you. I think you already know that and are just looking for the courage to end it.

 

Being a single parent isn't easy, but I can't tell you how much better a parent I feel I've become since I ended my marriage. I've been able to focus more on my daughter and the constant arguing and unhappiness no longer are a regular part of her life.

 

Don't stay in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship because you think its what you should do for your child. Moving on may be the best choice you can make for her. He can still be her father with out you having to be with him.

 

BTW- Being stoned while taking care of your child in unexcusable and dangerous. You don't have to put up with that. Sounds like he has more growing up to do than you do.