LoveLace Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 I love the episode where Ross and Rachel discuss taking their friendship to the next level, and Rachel says "Come on. When have you ever not broken up with someone?" I am in love with my roommate and my long-time friend. And we agreed not to renew our lease together. I've been ok with it, but we're down to the last 3 months and I'm starting to not wanna let him go, for the 2nd time in my life. I would think if wanted me that living a part (and as neighbors) would only help this relationship..but is that going backwards? If we don't wanna live together, why would we try to BE together? I don't think my moving is a bad idea. But I feel like I HAVE to, more than want to. We dont want the same things..for 9 months I've listened to his talk about having multiple girlfriends and doesn't want A girlfriend, etc. But at 1st, he wanted us to get a house together. If he doesn't want A girlfriend, how did he think this would go? The other day, he acknowledged the fact that I want a husband (eventually). He has never done that before. I have never once that he was looking for wife, since his ex-fiance left him for another a couple years ago. I've had the impression that he's a happy bachelor. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 I don't think my moving is a bad idea. But I feel like I HAVE to, more than want to. We dont want the same things.. A clean bathroom? Blinds, not curtains? Walking around the house naked?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted May 6, 2007 Author Share Posted May 6, 2007 I mean he's already done the married-with-kids things, and I haven't even begun. If he's interested in doing a 2nd time round, he hides it well enough. I would have to work pretty hard to convince him he should do it with me; he just seems happy with bachelor-hood, well I guess. I don't want him to resent me for "roping him in ", or something like that. I think I know too many men who resent their wives, it's just kind of scary. I'm sure it's vice-versa too, though, right? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 By living with him, he gets the 'wife' (clean house, babysitter for his kids, companionship if he wants it) without the relationship, responsibility or commitment. I don't see what the upside is for you. Bottom line, until you are honest with him about your feelings for him so that he can actually take that into account and respond to you honestly based on the reality of your situation, you will continue to have these questions. You will never know what you two can or can't be together if you're not honest. So, either take a deep breath and be honest and give him something real to consider, or suck it up and accept you will have nothing but a 'friend' relationship where you have to watch him dating other people as he pleases. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 I love the episode where Ross and Rachel discuss taking their friendship to the next level, and Rachel says "Come on. When have you ever not broken up with someone?" well LL you may need to learn to separate fantasy from reality Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 By living with him, he gets the 'wife' (clean house, babysitter for his kids, companionship if he wants it) without the relationship, responsibility or commitment. I don't see what the upside is for you. Bottom line, until you are honest with him about your feelings for him so that he can actually take that into account and respond to you honestly based on the reality of your situation, you will continue to have these questions. You will never know what you two can or can't be together if you're not honest. So, either take a deep breath and be honest and give him something real to consider, or suck it up and accept you will have nothing but a 'friend' relationship where you have to watch him dating other people as he pleases. I see where your coming from, and your right I need to be honest with him. But at this point we've already I agreed I move out in August. He knows I have another place lined up. But actually, he does more of the cleaning than I do. And if the kids are here, he makes them do chores. I straighten up and do what I can, but he's like Mr.Mom, scrubbing the bathroom, mopping, etc..and he knows I love this because I'm actually known as a messy person. I feel like something's different about our relationship though, since deciding to split. I'm noticing all the things that will make me miss him. And told me that he doesn't blame me for wanting out and knows its too stressful for me. He hasn't dated anyone recently. Then we suddenly came up with plans for a small family get away (us and kids) on memorial weekend. I don't know how I'm supposed to let go this way. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 I see where your coming from, and your right I need to be honest with him. But at this point we've already I agreed I move out in August. He knows I have another place lined up. But actually, he does more of the cleaning than I do. And if the kids are here, he makes them do chores. I straighten up and do what I can, but he's like Mr.Mom, scrubbing the bathroom, mopping, etc..and he knows I love this because I'm actually known as a messy person. I feel like something's different about our relationship though, since deciding to split. I'm noticing all the things that will make me miss him. And told me that he doesn't blame me for wanting out and knows its too stressful for me. He hasn't dated anyone recently. Then we suddenly came up with plans for a small family get away (us and kids) on memorial weekend. I don't know how I'm supposed to let go this way. I have to stop replying to your threads because there really isn't anything more I can say. You aren't going to figure anything out if you won't be honest with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 I have to stop replying to your threads because there really isn't anything more I can say. You aren't going to figure anything out if you won't be honest with him. Well that might happen soon enough, unless it's just PMS, I've been in tears on and off since last night, I think I'll crack soon. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Then we suddenly came up with plans for a small family get away (us and kids) on memorial weekend. I don't know how I'm supposed to let go this way He thinks of you as family? Then definately talk to him about all that is going on inside your head. Until then, those thoughts and wonders will drive you crazy. Just TELL him how you feel, take a chance, and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 Hey, whichway, well we didn't exactly call it a family getaway when we discussed it, I just said I have my dad's house memorial weekend, we should all go stay there for the weekend! And his eyes lit up, and he started looking up the address and directions, etc. Of course anyone would probably like the opportunity to stay in a nice house for a weekend, but it would be like a family thing, for sure. But he has pretty much always treated it like we are a family...well except for the part where he's dating other girls and me dating guys...messed up! I couldn't believe how excited he got about my idea though...I was trying really hard not to get overly excited myself. Especially when I know I'll be moving out when the lease is up. I've gotten closer to them as a family, so it's hard I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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