Tolkien Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 While I'm reading all of the posts, I'm thinking in the back of my mind, do long-distance relationships really work? I'm sure this has come up before, and I'm sure a fair amount of the members here have been in one, or had the opportunity to be in one, so I would be interested in what everyone here has to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 They don't work very often, especially the ones that start long distance. Nothing beats holding hands and kissing that someone special in person. Long distance relationships work only when two people have a solid foundation of attachment formed first in person. They can go for a time in long distance mode but eventually, if they don't get back in proximity to each other, it will go down the tube. Long distance relationships are mostly of the mind. You can just about make anything happen in your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 I agree with tony.. What some think or in the heart others have only in their mind in some cases can be heart breaking for some. Link to post Share on other sites
Something Blue Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 A few years ago, I was in a long distance relationship for about 7 months. After that period of time, both my boyfriend and I realized that in order to ensure the success of our relationship, one of us had to move to the other's town. Considering our circumstances, it was easier and more economical for him to move here, so that's what he did. Honestly, I think that's one of the most important factors in LDR. Sure the distance is hard to deal with, but if you have that light at the end of the tunnel in which you'll finally be able to be with each other for good, it's easier to cope with the distance. At least it was in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 13, 2003 Share Posted January 13, 2003 Distance and how long your apart is a major factor once you began a long distance relationship. I was in mine for 3 years. With us being 3000 miles away from one another hurt us along with me having kids and him and his family owning there on business. He couldn't leave there and I couldn't leave here because of the children. He couldn't walk out on the business and I didn't want to take my kids away from everyone they knew all their lives. It is hard to go threw long distance relationships. I love him so much and I wanted to show him that but I had to think of my kids first. By the time I made up my mind to make this long distance relationship come to reality it ended.: ( It is very hard on one another:( Link to post Share on other sites
Metalhead Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 If you're in love and you're older and more mature! The first two years of my present relationship was long distance. We didn't plan it that way, but we fell in love but she had to go back home to finish something (in another country!). But after that two years she moved here with me and, well, it's actually quite a romantic story. However, when I was a teenager and was separated from my girlfriend at that time from having to move to a different city (but same province) that relationship was doomed. After that I certainly didn't expect myself to ever go through what I did with my present relationship, but hey, getting older, getting more mature! Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon22 Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 no Link to post Share on other sites
sheeba Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 well yes. long distance relationships can work...the excitement...the "precious work" it takes to keep it going......the emails, letters, the visits....all exciting. LD relationships are EASY. the true test of a long distance relationship is when you take the next step-and make it SHORT distance-move in, get married, etc. what if the excitement of long distance was all you had? what happens when the commitment is right there in someones face and the leisure of LD is gone? Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Originally posted by sheeba well yes. long distance relationships can work...the excitement...the "precious work" it takes to keep it going......the emails, letters, the visits....all exciting. LD relationships are EASY. (They may be easy but they are hard on the other person that is on the other end recieving them) the true test of a long distance relationship is when you take the next step-and make it SHORT distance-move in, get married, etc. what if the excitement of long distance was all you had? (It was all I had for 3 years, LONG years, The man I love and I thought loved me(because he had told me that everyday and night) didn't have the love for me that he said he did. I took that step to move to another country with this man, signed my rights to the kids father so they could live with him because he wouldnt let them leave the usa, I give up my Home my property and everything I had ever worked for to go be with this man. Come to find out he was with another lady wile apart from me. So I say NO they dont work. You dont know what is happening when your not around. I believed in him and every word he had to say.) what happens when the commitment is right there in someones face and the leisure of LD is gone? In my case He and I took it slow, He thought it was best that we did. I thought as well it was best that we did because of the relationship that I was in. To make it all worse... the last time we spent our times together some things happend that he isn't aware of and now wont ever know. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 My husband and I met and dated long distance. It can work I agree, if you're mature enough to make it work. I also agree that how long you're dating matters. If you're carrying on a long distance relationship over like 5-10 years, I don't think so. Shoot, 3 years maybe a bit long to me. But It can work. Link to post Share on other sites
elycium Posted May 5, 2003 Share Posted May 5, 2003 No, they don't. My boyfriend and I of six years were going through a tough breakup. At the beginning of this year he went on a business trip and met an old friend from years ago. Well she pursued him via email and phone (his version)and eventually a few weeks ago on his spring break he went to Arizona to be with her and had a week of tyrsts and supposedly fell in "love". Since his return from Arizona, I found out about the affair and was devasted. I'm in therapy now and getting better. However it does get worse. He tells me he loves me and he tells her he loves her. I know that we both shouldn't but we continue to see each other and be intimate. I finally put an end to it. However, I just discovered that I'm four weeks pregnant. He says he's going to tell ther the truth and be honest to her. But I don't belive him and I finally made the decision to leave him. His reasons for having the affair is that she stroked his ego, made him feel good, and the fact that he can go to school, work with out the hassles of a real relationship, such as with me. In other words, a relationship of convenience. He can have his cake and eat it too!!! As much as I was hurt and feel anger towards this woman, I feel sorry for Edna (the girl from Arizona) for she has no idea what a monster she has fallen for her. Hopefully in time, he will realize that a relationship is based on honesty, trust, time and effort and not "romantic love" such as most LDRs are. Perhaps my story will prevent anyone from getting hurt and realize that you don't have to travel 3000 miles for love. It can be right there under your nose and not realize it! Godspeed! Link to post Share on other sites
daisywindmill Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 There does seem to be a lot of negative feelings towards LDR but surely, if you really love one another and you are destined to be together for life, you will overcome distance, whether it be ten miles or one thousand miles? You could live next door to your partner, in another country, even in the same house, if the relationship and love is going to last, it will, regardless of the circumstances. The only problem with distance, apart from the obvious, is not being there in person for one another, but on the other hand, a person can be with you constantly and still not be there for you. It's up to the couple, if they want it to work then it will, but if it's not be be, it won't work, regardless of the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted May 18, 2003 Share Posted May 18, 2003 Just wanted to say that mine did. Here's the background, we went out about 6 months of our senior year in high school, hungout all summer, I went to school in SC, I'm from NJ where she stayed and commuted to college. It was a little tough, we had a few fights, and one time where we went on a break, we didn't see anyone else but it is tough to not hold someone or kiss them for 5 months, but you know what, it worked. I think it helped she lived at home and commuted instead of being at her own school living there, but it worked. If you can get through that, you can get through a lot, especially at that young age I think, just some hope for some people, it can happen! Link to post Share on other sites
krissisweet Posted May 18, 2003 Share Posted May 18, 2003 Well i think ldr work. i have been in two. My first one wasnt soo good, my bf at the time didnt want that kind of commitment. The guy im with now we been together for 6 monthts and he loves me more and more everymonth. but we are only staying to gether because this summer im moving up there to be closer to him. LDR only work when you want them too, and the two most important factors are committment and and beleiving it can work. you have to know what you really want and then do what you think is best. LDR dont last forever, you have to take a leap of faith and eventully do somethin about it Link to post Share on other sites
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