How do you handle cheating jokes with your partner?

[kurtolios]

Hi Guys,

 

I'd just like some opinions about the issue of joking around about cheating. Let's say I'm with my girlfriend and a guy friend of hers puts his arm around her and winks at me or something...

 

Or I'm with some friends and my gf and a guy are gone in another room for 10 minutes and people look at me and say "gee, what are those guys up to?"..

 

This has happened to me tons of times throughout my relationships but I was never good at handling it, I'd always get very jealous and insecure. I'd just like some other guys or girls opinions on the issue, and how you people deal with it.

 

Do you laugh with them and say "hmm i wonder what they're up to"... and if a guy puts his arm around your girlfriend for a minute, do you just look the other way, bite your tongue? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Lizzie60]

you need to relax my friend... I think you're waaayyy too insecure...

 

I think they do all that on purpose because they know you get all 'twitched' over this... they are just pulling your leg...

 

If I were you I would ignore completely or just laugh about it... they'll stop.

 

I have never had any of those 'jokes' played on me... I think they are 'stupid jokes' anyway... not even funny...so just ignore those 'little childish games'

[Tangerina]

Yeah, I would totally just laugh along and then forget about it, or make some nonsensical answer to show you could care less like "I dunno, they're probably swapping potato salad recipes or something."

[Trialbyfire]

People can be insensitive or too sensitive. Guys will do this to your g/f, knowing they will get a reaction. If it bothers you this much, reciprocate the action with their g/fs and include a little "stare deeply into their g/fs eyes" thing. You might be surprised at how quickly they back off.

 

As for people wondering, if you want to take action, you stand up and say, "Thanks for bringing that up to me, I'll go ask them for you"...

[IpAncA]

Well I always joke around but if I knew it bothered someone I won't continue doing it.

 

I do think that you need to lighten up.

 

If you want to have some fun with it...break them up and put your arm around the guy, LOL!!! Maybe if you keep doing that they'll stop. Unless they enjoy it then you'll have your hands full.

[Carbine]

Ish...I don't handle it well at all. Back when I was with my now-ex bf, I was very open about my jealousy and paranoia about him cheating. Naturally his stupid mates would play off of this and try and stir me up. It worked quite well and I'd always end up getting very upset and having a huge fight with my bf, his mates or both.

 

We're not together anymore but still hang out as friends. He knows I still get jealous around him so he tries to behave himself but occasionally I'll overhear him making a joke about cheating or whatever and this infuriates me. I don't expect him NOT to make jokes like this, but it upsets me that he does it around me.

 

Things came to a head on Easter weekend when he took things too far. I had a few people over to my place at the start of the long weekend, including my ex, and a mutual female friend Lisa. Apparently, my ex and I had some sort of "pact" (his words) that we wouldn't get with anyone else over the weekend. Anyway, the next day he went off on an interstate trip with his mates and the party at my place kept going. We had a few more people drop in. One of them was Lisa's gay male friend. The next day my ex rang me to catch up and asked what i'd been up to. VERY jokingly I said "Oh i kissed one of Lisa's hot friends". He's like "Oh, really?". So to get back at me he and ten of his moron friends who are like 30 years old befriended some 19 year old whore who was staying at the caravan park they were at. When I spoke to him my ex is like "I had some hot girl sit on my knee and I felt her up". I was in HYSTERICS. I rang every caravan park in the area trying to find out where he was, I stressed out so much and making myself very ill. When we spoke after the whole thing was over, he said that he was just trying to stir me up and all that had happened was that this "hot girl" sat on his lap while they were driving her to the pub. I believe him, but it still hurts like hell. He said that he felt very bad that his actions had caused me to get sick.

 

I think we both learned our lessons after that experience.

[LakesideDream]

Carbine, Your EX boyfriend? And let me guess, you broke up with him....

 

It's none of your business who he feels up in a trailer park (and I can't imagine it matters). You have become unhinged. If he's an ex and he does something that bothers you, make him a No Contact ex.

 

He's jerking your chain. Don't let him.

 

Oh.. and get yourself some help, counseling etc. It shouldn't bother you like this.

[Carbine]

Carbine, Your EX boyfriend? And let me guess, you broke up with him....

 

It's none of your business who he feels up in a trailer park (and I can't imagine it matters). You have become unhinged. If he's an ex and he does something that bothers you, make him a No Contact ex.

 

He's jerking your chain. Don't let him.

 

Oh.. and get yourself some help, counseling etc. It shouldn't bother you like this.

 

Yes, my EX. And I'll THANK YOU not to tell me how to feel in the future, Lakeside. We have enough respect for eachother not to brag to the other person about who we've been with and I don't see whats so bad about that. I don't remember making the 'pact', we were all very drunk that night, but I trust there was a good reason for it.

[Salicious Crumb]

If someone puts his arm around your girl and winks at ya...he is just jokin around with you.

 

Now her leaving with another guy to a room by themselves for several minutes...well....I dunno...sounds fishy to me.

 

All you have to do is go check. If it is in a kitchen or somewhere that they could get easily caught if they were messing around...then I'd say they were doing something else...but if it is in a room with the door closed and especially locked...then you have some justifiable concerns.

 

Maybe you should pick a female friend and leave the room with her for about 15 minutes and see if you gf comes looking for you.