megnog Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 i plan to go see a therapist because of my problems but i just wanted to throw something out here and see what others would do.. my boyfriend has been on this co-ed softball team since last season. it bothered me to some extent but i just tried to not think about it. this season however i went to his game with him for the first time and there are so many great looking girls running around in short shorts and such. i am aware that there are going to be better looking girls in his life than me (duh) but i'm just afraid they will all become great friends and hang out all the time and stuff like that. last night me and my bf got in a pretty bad fight. i got up the nerve and stupidity to ask him who he thought was pretty on the team. he had his list all set up for me. he said two girls names but he stopped right there because i think he knew it was killing me. of course i freaked out and i left and cried the entire drive home. its so stupid, its like if i realize that he is going to think other girls are pretty and such, why does it bother me so much?? now if i EVER go to any of his games thats all i will be thinking about. i'm definately ruined and its obvious i don't trust him. his softball team is killing me!!! what would everyone else do? Link to post Share on other sites
Carbine Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 I'd chose the most obvious solution - join the team yourself and make sure there's a few 'accidents' in the girls' locker room that involve a softball bat. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Jealous of a co-ed softball team, seeing a therapist about it? Isn't that an awful lot of drama? Carbine was right, join the team yourself! You run the risk of this man staying your "boyfriend" instead of progressing to another level. You must scare him to death. If being "respectful" to your SO means no interaction with members of the opposite sex, then society is truely returning to the 14th century. Link to post Share on other sites
Author megnog Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 i already tried to be on the team but i suck and everyone else on it is good. i can't now because the season has already begun i didn't say he wasn't being respectful to me, i already recognized that this was my problem. i plan to see a therapist not just because of this incident (obviously, that would be lame). am i the only one who is jealous when their SO is attracted to the members on their team? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 i got up the nerve and stupidity to ask him who he thought was pretty on the team am i the only one who is jealous when their SO is attracted to the members on their team? Did you ask who he thought was pretty or who he's attracted to? There is a difference. The former is more innocent than the latter, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 From what I understand of men, they place that sort of question right up there near "do I look fat in this"? They don't want to lie, but are screwed if they tell the truth. If they lie, then you get mad at them for lying. If they are truthful, you get angry/weepy/etc. with them for being truthful. What should you do? Talk to your therapist about your insecurity issues, because they will surely be the death of your relationship if you let them go unchecked. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 From what I understand of men, they place that sort of question right up there near "do I look fat in this"? They don't want to lie, but are screwed if they tell the truth. If they lie, then you get mad at them for lying. If they are truthful, you get angry/weepy/etc. with them for being truthful. Yep. This is why men die at a younger age, on average, than women. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 From what I understand of men, they place that sort of question right up there near "do I look fat in this"? They don't want to lie, but are screwed if they tell the truth. If they lie, then you get mad at them for lying. If they are truthful, you get angry/weepy/etc. with them for being truthful. What should you do? Talk to your therapist about your insecurity issues, because they will surely be the death of your relationship if you let them go unchecked. No kidding LB. I can't decide if this an insecurity issue, an enormous ego or a controlling individual. Maybe a mix of all three? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 No kidding LB. I can't decide if this an insecurity issue, an enormous ego or a controlling individual. Maybe a mix of all three? wow the OP is looking for advice, support , words of encouragement maybe; she has already addressed that she plans to go to a therapist and that she is having issues with insecurity. On your part, is this a lack of empathy, kindness ors support? Maybe a mix of all three??? best ye say nothing at all if ye have nothing productive to say Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Go to all the games wearing something cute (you can wear short shorts, too, like the girls on the team do, if you want), and cheer him on. Go out for drinks with them after. Have fun and make friends. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 now if i EVER go to any of his games thats all i will be thinking about. i'm definately ruined and its obvious i don't trust him. his softball team is killing me!!! why did you ask him who he thought was pretty on the team? Link to post Share on other sites
Author megnog Posted May 8, 2007 Author Share Posted May 8, 2007 i would definately go to every game looking cute and wearing short shorts but i don't have that kind of body. he would probably be more embarassed than turned on by me. and i can't go with them for drinks afterwards because i am underage and his friends think otherwise. i did ask him who he was attracted to and he said "no one, but i think you are asking the wrong question" so i said what is the right question? and he said who he thinks are pretty. i guess there is a difference, i wasn't asking who he "liked" because i know he doesn't know them real well yet. maybe theres more to this that i'm not understanding, but if someone is pretty they are attractive therefore you are attracted to them...right ?? i don't know why i asked him that question, alphamale. i ask questions like these that just put me through a needless whirlpool and i get too worked up. i am just very curious and then i pay for it by knowing. its not some kind of ego thing, i am very aware that these girls are attractive and that he would think they are pretty. i'm not mad at him for thinking that or anything, that can't be helped, but i'm just , i guess, mad that i don't look like that. i don't think i'm pretty and i'm certainly not thin. i do tend to take out these insecurities on him, lessening my appeal to him. i know this may sound CRAZY to some people but i don't really appreciate being made fun of .. if you don't have helpful advice then please don't bother - i didn't write in here to get put down Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 but i'm just , i guess, mad that i don't look like that. i don't think i'm pretty and i'm certainly not thin. i do tend to take out these insecurities on him, lessening my appeal to him. Your b/f loves you and is with you. That he chose to differentiate between "attracted" and "pretty" speaks well for him. Stop and think about why you are unable to control your insecurities and taking things out on him, the guy who's effectively innocent. There's no doubt you're devaluing yourself by being unreasonable. If your b/f did the same to you by harrassing you about things that weren't your fault, how would you feel? He's not your punching bag for life's inequities. Please, go see a good therapist to control your anger issues so you don't take them out on the next unsuspecting victim. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 maybe theres more to this that i'm not understanding, but if someone is pretty they are attractive therefore you are attracted to them...right ?? I think girls think like that but guys tend to differentiate. Generally speaking, to a guy, being attracted to a girl is the same thing as liking her. Thinking she's pretty is simply, and only, that: thinking she's pretty. There have been times I thought a girl was pretty but wasn't attracted to her because she was a raving bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 what would everyone else do? Hang out with him when hes with the team. Go to the bar with with them after the game or after practace (you dont need to drink to go with them). Get to know the other people on the team as well and let them know who you are. I'm not saying go circle your property like a dog, I'm saying try to get to know these people and put a face on them other then some bunch of hos trying to steal your man. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 i plan to go see a therapist because of my problems but i just wanted to throw something out here and see what others would do.. my boyfriend has been on this co-ed softball team since last season. it bothered me to some extent but i just tried to not think about it. this season however i went to his game with him for the first time and there are so many great looking girls running around in short shorts and such. i am aware that there are going to be better looking girls in his life than me (duh) but i'm just afraid they will all become great friends and hang out all the time and stuff like that. I guess look at it this way...if he is going to be that superficial and fickle...then to hell with him. And if he is around all those girls and you keep him...he is into you. but really...why a co-ed team? If I loved to play softball and my SO was uncomfortable with the co-ed part, I'd just play on a men's league. So maybe there is something to your concerns...why does he have to play on a co-ed team? Have you discussed this with him? Does he know how you feel and just don't care? Link to post Share on other sites
Author megnog Posted May 9, 2007 Author Share Posted May 9, 2007 i would like to hang out with them and such but their practices are when i have school or work. i can come to the games but i feel kind of stupid being there (in the dugout area) because i'm the only one hanging out there thats not on the team. i just wish so bad that i could have played on the team. i wish i was better and/or i had the courage to play on the team even though i knew i'd be the worst player. its weird, because i thought about if a friend of mine played on a team and they offered me to join them.. i probably wouldn't feel so.. embarassed. around him, i feel like i have to be better and i guess impress him. so thats another reason why i didn't want to join the team. his friend is the coach of this team so thats why he is on THIS team and not some other team. i have told him about this and i offered to join some other team with him but he said he likes how his team is "layed back". he told me last season they all sucked and it didn't really matter if they won. but it seems this season they are a lot better and more intense. i almost want to join a team (co-ed) to give him a taste of his own medicine. not to make him mad.. i know that sounds vicious. really, more, its like i want to be on some kind of team as well and have that social life. he tries to compare me going to school with him going to his practices and games. but its not the same. we only have like two days out of the week because of me working and going to school, and when he takes away some of that time for his softball game, i just get sad. i understand he needs to have this life or whatever.. i just wonder how he would feel... right now its been over an hour past when he usually gets home from practice and i'm wondering where he is. i am working hard though to just not care about things like this. i am afraid though, if i stop caring about stuff like this - try to drop all this jealousy, i will stop caring about us. BLAH Link to post Share on other sites
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