Need advice for my sister

[pinkroses]

There has been a guy where she works who has been very interested in her for two years. They just recently got together, about two months ago, and they've been real happy. The only problem is, he is living under the same roof with his ex-girlfriend and her child. I think the child is his. He says they have been Platonic for quite some time, and the the lease for that apt. is up next month. He's told my sister he's going to get his own place and be free of his present living situation, for a while. Well, now that the time is here, he is hem-hawing around saying he can't bear to put his ex and the child out and isn't sure what to do. I don't think he'd be hesitating like that if he didn't still have feelings for this woman, or if they weren't still involved. If she is working there is no reason why she needs his help supporting her with a place to live. He can still move on with a life with my sister and still make sure his ex has a place to go, without having to stay in the same home with her. My sister also cannot call there for this guy, because the ex is there. If they are Platonic, why would this woman hold up his social life unless she still has feelings and strings attached? My sister has been very open-minded and patient about this. Personally, I would have a problem with a guy I was dating still living with his ex. I think he should either break ties with this "family" or let my sister go. The way things are now, it's like she's dating a married man.

 

Does anyone have experience with this or any ideas?

[Just A Girl2]

Ya know, I've met a few guys, over the years, who claimed to be in similar situations.....living with their ex or ex wife, and kids.....and claiming they do so for all kinds of reasons (to help out the ex, because it will be hard on the kids if they leave, bla bla). I steer clear of these dudes....despite their adamant protestations that things are just "platonic." I call BS.

 

I don't buy the 'platonic' crap for a minute. There can't HELP but still be some kind of feelings there, particularly when under the same roof. Think that's just human nature.

 

Now in your sister's case, are YOU the only one skeptical here, or is she too? I didn't get the impression from your post that this situation is bothering her/suspicious?

 

The fact that she can't call over there, that's red flag #1. The fact that it's now time for him to move out (lease supposedly being up) and he's making more excuses..that's red flag #2.

 

Does this guy's ex even KNOW about your sister? Do you think she knows he's dating her? Or is that all kept 'hush hush'? (I guess who really knows for sure, hey?)

 

If this guy is so concerned about his ex, it's simple: he can pay her monthly child support..that would include whatever portion of the rent he's currently paying, and more.......to ensure she and his child are well provided for. Plain and simple.

 

OR...I suppose there's a remote chance that he's staying living there, so that she doesn't take him to the cleaners for child support? (though I'd say that's pretty remote)

 

Why is your sister willing to put up with this, that's the question I'd be asking.

 

She needs to be firm and tell this guy that if he wants a relationship with her, he needs to break his ties and move the hell out and live on his own. If he "can't" do that, then she needs to tell him to hit the road...and she needs to mean it.

 

Otherwise, yeah, it IS like she's dating a married guy/his mistress.

 

Personally, if it were me, I'd just phone there....see what kind of reception I got. If his ex answered, and asked who your sister was, your sis should just say "I'm _____'s girlfriend, you must be his ex." The response she'll get from the ex will be very "telling."

 

But seriously....I think it's pretty clear here, that this guy is full of sh*t, and is happy being able to have his cake and eat it too.

 

What age is your sis, and this guy?

[pinkroses]

is also very suspicious and upset about this situation. She's 35 and I don't know the age of her boyfriend, but I'm assuming he's also in his thirties. They aren't kids, they're mature and professional people. I don't know if he told my sister not to call there or if she just doesn't feel comfortable doing it. Either way, he isn't "free" if that is happening, in my opinion. She says the same thing. I don't know what the ex knows, if anything.

 

My cousin was in a similar situation, her fiance was being so responsible and caring for his ex and his daughter that he was spending more time with them than her. She finally told him it was either her or them. He chose her.

 

What is it with these kind of guys?