Coobie007 Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 [font=times new roman][/font][color=blue][/color] Hello..I need advice and I need it quick I met a woman just a short month ago (I never believed in love at first site) but from the first time we met we spent hours talking and since have felt totally comfortable with her. Problem is she is in another relationship-one that I thought at the time was completely over...but now, she is worried about hurting anyones feelings so she keeps teeter totering back and forth between us. My friends say there are allot of fish in the sea...and I am being taken for a fool etc...But to me, someone like this is worth the wait...I want her to know that if she wants to be with me I don't want her wondering in the future if it was the right choice or not... She has allot more friends then me...I've heard nothing but good things about her and she seems to be a very honest professional woman. I too am very independent...but I am feeling like she isn't giving me enough time to even get to know me...now that the other person seems to be back in the picture. How can I handle the situation in a healthy manner without making her feel like I am smothering her right off the bat??? Thanks for any advice.....by the way...I am 38 and she is 49 Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 You should be her friend , let her know your there but dont let her know that your a second option. Wemon tend to find someone to fall back on when things are hard on there other relationship and look for ways out by telling them it aint so good at home and other things that make another man think that they arnt happy at all when the real thing might be that they are looking for something that is missing out of there relationship. JMO Just be her friend if its ment to be it will happen and it wont be over night as she has a relationship already that she either has to make up her mind that she wants to be in or she wants to move on to a new one. She has to think about herself and not stay in a relationship that she is unhappy in.JMO Guard your heart because sometimes things dont work out when we really want them to. Good Luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 I guess my first question would be; define Relationship. What kind of relationship with the other guy? Have they made a commitment to each other? Does he know about you? At 49 it's probably pretty scary for her to take a chance on losing either of you and facing being alone and/or starting over. You haven't known each other for long and its too soon to jump into a commitment with her, but you do need to discuss being honest with each other, and with this other guy. If all three of you are okay with dating and there are no commitments, then she is free to date both of you. And you are free to date others too. Perhaps as you get to know her, and she you, love will develop and she will make a commitment to you. On the other hand, she may commit to the other guy and in that case it's best for you, because as you said, you don't want someone who may feel they made a wrong decision or be with someone who you know wants someone else. Does that make any sense? Talk to her, tell her you don't want to smother her. Tell her you felt a spark and want to keep seeing her and see what develops, and tell her that you need to know that the other guy is okay with this too. Tell her you hope that someday you two will make a commitment to each other, but for now you understand she is being cautious -- it's only been a month! But you need to know she is not cheating on this other guy with you and has enough respect for both of you, and for herself, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted January 10, 2003 Share Posted January 10, 2003 Can't really give you any advice without having some more info, please. This other guy she's in a relationship with....has it been something long-term? If so, how long? Does she live with him? Seeing how you know about him, I wonder if HE knows about YOU? YOU know she's teetering back and forth, but does this OTHER GUY know? If he has no clue whatsover about you, then I'd be a little cautious/suspicious here....as to the possibility of you being the "let's see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence" guy. Know what I mean? As in.....she's got the old car but you're the one she's taking for a test drive........knowing that if she doesn't like the test drive, she always has the faithful old car to fall back on. How soon after you met her, did she confess to you that she's in this other relationship? Was she quite upfront about it from the start? Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 11, 2003 Share Posted January 11, 2003 You are 38 and she is 49? That's the problem right there.... Link to post Share on other sites
Bizzit Posted January 11, 2003 Share Posted January 11, 2003 I dont think that age is the problem.JMO Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 11, 2003 Share Posted January 11, 2003 Yeah probably not just thought I's say it... Link to post Share on other sites
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