New guy telling fibs about online activity

[Just A Girl2]

Okay, have been seeing a guy now for about 3 weeks. Met him (where else) through the online personals. Seems like a really nice honest guy.......or maybe he's just leading me to BELIEVE he's so honest??

 

The personals site I met him on, I've been on that site myself for 2 yrs off and on. I've seen him there off and on for about that period of time.

 

Anyway, he brought up a while back, how rotten he thinks it is of people on those sites, when they meet someone and are getting to know them, to continue having a profile there, and going back to keep checking to see if "there might be someone better".....or to keep looking for someone there, after you've already started seeing someone. He went on about how deceitful and disrespectful that is, and I told him I agreed.

 

Well, shortly after I met him on there, I decided I'd have enough of the joint, and I completely deleted my profile. Regardless of having met him, I did it because I needed a break from the bozos and players there, period.

 

Well, I continued to receive "mail notifications" to my home email acct.....letting me know that I had mail waiting in my inbox there. Didn't make sense as I'd totally deleted my profile. I emailed the owners of this site, to ask them how the heck I could be getting mail, if my profile was no longer there. I waited for several days, mailed them twice even, no response.

 

I decided to check and see if my profile/acct HAD in fact been deleted...so I tried to log in. Nope, "no such user." Well what was going on then?

 

So the only way to SEE for sure if my profile was still showing up to users there, was to create another free profile, and go in there and do a search for my previous profile/username.

 

Well, I noticed that this new guy I was seeing, was in there a lot. I was kind of surprised but didn't get in a tizzy about it.

 

I didn't delete this new profile, I'll admit..but I did make it 'hidden' so that nobody there will write me (I'm not interested in meeting anyone else, and I'm not a paying member so I couldn't contact anyone there if I wanted to). Well, I periodically pop into there in the evenings, and guess who's online there? Him.

 

A few days passed and I was too busy to go and 'check'...but 2 nights ago, I logged in there, click on his profile..and it said he'd been in there a few hours earlier (Jan 4). Geez, after 3 weeks, what's he still going back there for? Hell, he's the one who told me that when you start seeing someone, it's just common courtesy and respect to completely delete your profile...because you're seeing someone. Hmm, I guess he didn't quite practice what he preached.

 

It shows he's been in there on Jan 6th, 7th, too (don't know about the other dates as I was busy and didn't check).

 

Okay, so 2 nights ago we ended up talking on the phone. Somewhere in the conversation, that personals site came up. He volunteered to me, "Geez, I haven't been there to check for mail in, hmmm, at least a week!" I knew this was an out and out lie, but I said nothing. Remember, to his knowledge I don't have a profile there any more so how would I know? He then admitted, "I did go there tonight JUST TO SEE if I had any mail, but I didn't."

 

What the hell? He sounded bummed that he didn't have any mail. Awww, so sad. Why would he care that no chicks were writing him, if he's seeing me anyway? What a stupid thing to say to me.

 

Well just now, I popped in there...and it shows he was last in there, yesterday (Jan 9).

 

What the hell goes on here? It's not like he's new to these personals and the novelty of women writing him is 'new'....he's been doing this for a long time now.

 

Pretty hypocritical.....considering this is a guy who prides himself on being honest, on only being interested in one person at a time, in going out of his way to profess that once he's met someone he's really interested in (he tells me this all the time, that he's very interested in me, and sees a future for us, even), he'd NEVER "keep looking."

 

So how would you proceed here? Should I bust him and tell him I know what's up? Should I see what he's up to and send him a 'collect letter' (he pays for it) and see if he takes the bait?

 

He's a great guy and we have lots in common, but I'm sure not in love with him......so at this early stage of the game, it's not going to break my heart if I find out he's a lying dog.........so if I did write him, with him not knowing it's me..and he acts all interested and wants to chat and maybe meet, etc...it wouldn't break my heart, I don't have much invested in things yet......but I'd like to know for sure what I'm dealing with. I dont' even consider it dirty or dishonest because let's face it, he's not exactly the king of honesty.

 

Thoughts?

[Tony T]

It seems you've met another one of those Internet dating service players. It's pretty easy to give lines that people want to hear when you're in front of them...and lots easier when you're on the Internet.

 

The guy's having a great time corresponding with ladies from the dating service and he's not about to give that up. He very well may be only corresponding with you but he is a hypocrite and a liar and you have found out...better now than later.

 

Absolutely confront him and get an explanation. You'll either get a line of major BS or you'll never hear from him again. You already know he's a liar.

 

This started out as a fraud and will likely continue that way. Very few times in your life will you have such an early warning. I suggest you take advantage of it and heed it. When a friendship starts out with lies, it's going in the wrong direction and the lies can get worse.

 

Even giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's going back to the site just for the novelty of it, fact is that he lied...and was pretty emphatic about his lies.

 

See what he says. Maybe you'll fall for it. There would be no harm in meeting this guy and seeing him if he's actually cancelled his membership to the dating service. But you'll never trust a line of BS he says.

[Just A Girl2]

There would be no harm in meeting this guy and seeing him if he's actually cancelled his membership to the dating service. But you'll never trust a line of BS he says.

 

Actually Tony, I have met him in person, and we've gone out a few times now. For all intents and purposes, he's made it clear to me that we are "seeing each other" (exclusively on his part, my part too).

 

If I hadn't even met him yet, I'd just tell him to go fly a kite and I'd bust his butt pronto....but because I've invested a small bit of time in him so far, strangely enough, I feel compelled (curiousity) to check out just how much of a BS artist he is. Okay, in fact, call it a perverse sense of curiosity. It's not like I'm going to cry hysterically if I find he does respond to my bogus profile...and gets all chatty and interested.......if anything, I'll thank my lucky stars that I caught onto him this soon.

 

I guess this is the risk you take when you meet someone through this kind of medium.....that unbeknownst to you, they can be dating you, but sneaking around still 'getting to know' others. That really boggles my mind, though. I'm sure not like that. I can't stand the time it takes to wade through the profiles and all the dingdongs you must go through until you find one who seems to be in the same wavelength....when I DO think I've found someone like that, that's enough...I have no desire at all to keep sneaking back to see "who else might be there." Maybe I'm just unique.

 

I have to say though, of all the guys I'd have suspected of being a likely snake, it sure wouldn't have been him. He calls me every night like clockwork, we talk til he goes to bed (he goes to bed early as has to be up for work at 5am), he is constantly making future plans for us to do things, and from the little things he says, he's seemed like the kind of guy who'd never do something that could hurt someone.

[Tony T]

Well, he is a liar...you know that going in. I guess it won't be a problem to continue to see him. He may or may not continue to respond to profiles for the fun of it and he may or may not respond to the fake one you put up.

 

Frankly, after the remarks he made, I think I would confront him about why he is still active on the site despite how rotten he thinks people are who linger there after they have met someone. I think he owes you an explanation.

 

You may be so happy to meet somebody you sort of mesh with and are afraid of his response to your asking the question...and his response to the question. But, believe me, you can do it in a kind way...and this is absolutely information you need.

 

If you continue to see this guy and he screws you over, it will be nobody's fault but your own if you don't get some answers now.

 

I hope this works out for you. Believe me, I know just how hard it is to find decent people these days.