Best revenge on a cheating spouse...

[hardcase]

Sounds like a plot out of the movie American Beauty.

 

Forget Art_Critic. Get a little revenge of your own. Find a honey for yourself. Your wife doesn't like it. Tough. Turn about IS fair play.

 

Damn FIC....while I appreciate the props....I won't ever stoop to that level. I'd be no better than her if I revenge cheated.

[hardcase]

There is so much blame put on the cheater, however, I personally, believe that there are not many people who cheat for no reason.

 

No, I'm not saying that a lack of perfection in a relationship gives anyone an excuse to betray their partner. However, I do believe that a relationship can't survive an affair unless the betrayed spouse admits their own failures in keeping the relationship affair proof.

 

And I'll say again...one can bend over backwards to make his wife as happy as she can be....he shouldn't have to break his back in the process.

 

If I have to go way above and beyond just to keep someone from cheating...then whats the point?

 

and if "failures in keeping the relationship affair proof" is a valid argument...then hell...I'd have slept with 100 women by now. I sure as hell never got everything I ever wanted out of the marriage...and yes...they were discussed...but I didn't find them a big enough reason to cheat...NOTHING is a big enough reason to cheat.

[Art_Critic]

I'd be no better than her if I revenge cheated.

 

good.. FIC's idea of turnabout is fair play is the surest way to put the final nail in the marriages coffin and to the divorce courts.. then you would have to tell your children one day that you did something just as bad or worse than mommy to destroy the marriage..

 

That posters idea of comparing rape which is a felony and a crime of anger to infidelity is rather insulting..

What an idiotic idea..

Rape has nothing to do with infidelity in your marriage or anyones marriage and they certainly do not parallel each other..

[hardcase]

I just find it funny how the same women who will hold on to resentment for years over the smallest things will then turn around and tell a man that he needs to just get over his wife betraying him in one of the worst ways. Women will hold on to anger because her husband 20 years ago took her to Taco Bell when she really wanted KFC but if she cheats on her husband he needs to just get over it. I sense some hypocrisy.

 

But KFC solved that problem....KFC and Taco Bell are now in the same buildings all across the US....hehehehehe.

[hardcase]

That does not make his wife an irresponsible mother. You don't have to be out until 4:00am screwing other men. Sorry but it takes two people to cause turmoil. He refuses to recognize his flaws that might have contributed to his wife straying. HC/SC sounds like a control freak. .

 

Nice try adulteress. How am I a control freak when I was happy to stay home with the kids when she was out at the clubs with her friends with my 100% complete trust?

 

Answer that one for me please.

[hardcase]

Excuse me but a woman being raped and someone having an affair are completely opposite of one another. .

 

That, Jinxx, is one thing we can 100% totally agree on.

[hardcase]

WB FIC, you certainly know how to come back to LS with a bang!

 

Two wrongs do not make a right, so HC cheating really isn't an option. He wouldn't do that, ever. And, him outing his wife to the kids isn't right, it's so inappropriate. That's something else he wouldn't do.

 

Exactly right....you understand me better than some others here.

 

Not only will I never cheat...I would not try to taint my kids view of their mother...even if I decided to go for custody because I think they would be better off.

 

But if I did get divorced, and when my kids grew up if they asked me why I divorced mom....I'm not going to lie to them either.

[hardcase]

If you plan on staying in this marriage I would tell her that you forgive her and will drop the grudge but if you ever catch her cheating again you will file for divorce the next day. You two will start off on a clean state but if she betrays you again it is over.

 

That sounds reasonable...but there is no way it could EVER be a clean slate...not with what I now know about her.

[whichwayisup]

Excuse me but a woman being raped and someone having an affair are completely opposite of one another. .

 

Yes, that was a bad and so wrong comparison... I know what he is meaning though, the long term affects it has, but still, apples and oranges.... I'm gonna stop now cuz I won't like what else I might say about using the comparison..

[whichwayisup]

That sounds reasonable...but there is no way it could EVER be a clean slate...not with what I now know about her.

 

But, if you two decided together to make that leap into the marriage counsellors' office, it could make that slate abit cleaner...

[Jinxx]

Nice try adulteress. How am I a control freak when I was happy to stay home with the kids when she was out at the clubs with her friends with my 100% complete trust?

 

Answer that one for me please.

 

This former adultress will gladly answer for you. I see you as a control freak now (maybe not before D-Day) with the way you express yourself in your posts. You want full control over her life, something you do not have. There is no guarantee that she will not cheat again. It kills you to think she just might not be doing what she says she is doing after she leaves the house. Granted you give her full permission to do as wants but bet you're always wondering what she is really doing. And as far as the clubbing -- I went out to clubs many times. It was for fun and to socialize with friends -- not to meet men or screw around. When I had my affair with XMM it was during the day during regular working hours. Not everybody goes to clubs looking to have affairs. So the next time she runs out to get her hair done or to the grocery store..... she just might be squeezing in a quickie with one of her boyfriends.

[Tomcat33]

Naaaahhh the slate can never be cleaned, it's tainted for ever. What councelling can do though is teach you how to accept and cope, it won't reverse the damage.

[whichwayisup]

I see you as a control freak now (maybe not before D-Day)

 

J, I think every BS becomes a control freak for a while, how could they not? His wife can make it easier by being an open book though..

[Ripples]

And I'll say again...one can bend over backwards to make his wife as happy as she can be....he shouldn't have to break his back in the process.

 

If I have to go way above and beyond just to keep someone from cheating...then whats the point?

 

and if "failures in keeping the relationship affair proof" is a valid argument...then hell...I'd have slept with 100 women by now. I sure as hell never got everything I ever wanted out of the marriage...and yes...they were discussed...but I didn't find them a big enough reason to cheat...NOTHING is a big enough reason to cheat.

 

Firstly, in your eyes you see that you did no wrong in the relationship. We don't have the benefit of knowing what you wife thinks about it. However, if that is the case (I'll say again) why on earth would you want to be with someone who is patently cheating regardless? It's not healthy for you or your children who are being given a model of a very, very sick relationship.

 

You are not here to find out how to help your marriage, you are here for one thing and one thing only; to receive validation for using your marriage to punish your wife, to wreak vengance on her and her actions. No one changes overnight, SC/HC, I suspect you have always had this vindictive, petty, spoilt side to you and thus the reasons for your wifes infidelities become clearer every post of yours that I read.

[Herzen]

"And to many men, their woman cheating on them has the same traumatic emotional impact as being raped. It is a life long scar. It is a kind of death. Part of a man dies when he finds out his angel isn't all that angelic after all."

 

Oh please. My first wife cheated on me with 3 men in two years. Was I happy about it? Of course not. I survived--and after the divorce she married the third guy.

 

Ask any guy if he had to choose which would he prefer--getting raped, dying or being cuckolded--and almost all will say being cuckolded ain't so bad--in comparison.

 

Often there's way too much drama over infidelity on these boards.

[Tomcat33]

Firstly, in your eyes you see that you did no wrong in the relationship. We don't have the benefit of knowing what you wife thinks about it. However, if that is the case (I'll say again) why on earth would you want to be with someone who is patently cheating regardless? It's not healthy for you or your children who are being given a model of a very, very sick relationship.

 

You are not here to find out how to help your marriage, you are here for one thing and one thing only; to receive validation for using your marriage to punish your wife, to wreak vengance on her and her actions. No one changes overnight, SC/HC, I suspect you have always had this vindictive, petty, spoilt side to you and thus the reasons for your wifes infidelities become clearer every post of yours that I read.

 

Couldn't agree more with every single word.

 

Furthermore, I've also asked him repeatedly WHY on earth if he suspects she is still lying to him (he won't give specifics) she does nothing to reassure him to win his trust back (according to HIS side of the story here) and she won't give him straight answers when he asks, is he still with her?? WHY?

Answer: cue: Tumbleweed rolling across desert.

 

or no he says it's "for the kids"

[Jinxx]

That, Jinxx, is one thing we can 100% totally agree on.

 

Oh I'm flattered -- something we agree on.

[Jinxx]

J, I think every BS becomes a control freak for a while, how could they not? His wife can make it easier by being an open book though..

 

Very true... But there comes a time it needs to be let go. Maybe his wife is making some efforts in achieving this. We just don't know all the facts.

[michelangelo]

 

Ask any guy if he had to choose which would he prefer--getting raped, dying or being cuckolded--and almost all will say being cuckolded ain't so bad--in comparison.

 

 

Comparing extremely bad experiences is kind of pointless. Seems like there will never be a time where I'd have to choose between the three awful experiences you listed.

 

I don't think I could rank them. I just know infidelity sucks big time.

[hardcase]

This former adultress will gladly answer for you. I see you as a control freak now (maybe not before D-Day) with the way you express yourself in your posts. You want full control over her life, something you do not have. There is no guarantee that she will not cheat again. It kills you to think she just might not be doing what she says she is doing after she leaves the house. Granted you give her full permission to do as wants but bet you're always wondering what she is really doing.

 

Wondering is not controlling....telling her you do as I say and you are not allowed to go anywhere without my permission IS controlling.....and I don't do that.

 

We did set up the ground rule about clubbing and bars. Partying is not something a mother and wife needs to be doing.

 

And as far as the clubbing -- I went out to clubs many times. It was for fun and to socialize with friends -- not to meet men or screw around. When I had my affair with XMM it was during the day during regular working hours. Not everybody goes to clubs looking to have affairs.

 

True...but you don't put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it either.

 

So the next time she runs out to get her hair done or to the grocery store..... she just might be squeezing in a quickie with one of her boyfriends.

 

Something I'm sure would please you greatly.

[hardcase]

Naaaahhh the slate can never be cleaned, it's tainted for ever. What councelling can do though is teach you how to accept and cope, it won't reverse the damage.

 

Cope..maybe...accept...never.

[hardcase]

No one changes overnight, SC/HC, I suspect you have always had this vindictive, petty, spoilt side to you and thus the reasons for your wifes infidelities become clearer every post of yours that I read.

 

Think what you want...but this is the reaction of a man who adored his wife only to find out she didn't give him the same consideration in return.

 

I was never like this...if you think I was...well then thats your opinion.

 

But saying my wife's infidelities become clearer because of the way I am now...says alot about you.

 

If I was so bad...why did she marry me? Why did she lie and start a family with me?

[hardcase]

No one changes overnight, SC/HC, I suspect you have always had this vindictive, petty, spoilt side to you and thus the reasons for your wifes infidelities become clearer every post of yours that I read.

 

And when you loved someone...always considered them before you...adored them...only to learn that they f#cked you over bigtime....this is what happens.

 

She cheats...and my anger is "petty" and "spoiled"?

 

and where does the "vindictive" come in here? She picked a fight with me..and sure..I fired back at her standing up for myself.

 

If I was vindictive...I'd really give her a taste of her own medicine and go out and have an affair myself. But I will never stoop to that level.

 

 

So you are way off base...but you think what you want. I still say a few of you women don't like seeing a betrayed man stand up for himself.

[Tomcat33]

Cope..maybe...accept...never.

 

 

Let's define acceptance so that it doesn't sound as scary as you think it is. Acceptance is not a bad thing, it doesn't mean you forget and clear the slate and begin from 0 again blindly. Acceptance means you come to terms with what happend in the past and with all the feelings it evoked so that you can plan to do something constructive out of all those feelings. It's reprogramming your thoughts to conform to your new situation, your new reality. It's opening the door to growth. Without acceptance you cannot grow, the rel. cannot grow. You won't have what you once thought you had with her but you can have something different and yes even better, if you both choose so. Reprogramming is part of living in the now, it's updating your "software" to keep up with the times. That's progress. That's growth.

 

So if you have already determined you won't grow from this (or accept) I urge you to walk away, for the sake of your kids don't even bother.

 

If you never accept what happened you will never let go of the anger/resentment hence the rel will NEVER work. Acceptance it the 1st step towards recovery.

[crazy_grl]

Firstly, in your eyes you see that you did no wrong in the relationship. We don't have the benefit of knowing what you wife thinks about it.

 

Given that his wife pushed for marriage while cheating on him, I don't think it's a matter of what he did wrong in the relationship that lead her to cheat.

 

However, if that is the case (I'll say again) why on earth would you want to be with someone who is patently cheating regardless?

 

White I agree with that statement on one level, I disagree on another. For a person who sees divorce as an easy option or someone who's been divorced before, that's a simple solution. At this point, I don't think HC genuinely feels it's an option. I think he still wants to believe his wife is the woman he thought she was, but is having a hard time because all the evidence says she's not.

 

It's too bad HC was tricked into marrying someone who wasn't who he though she was. If anyone should feel justified to divorce, he should. I personally think he should be granted an annulment due to the fact that his consent to the marriage was based on fraud, but I don't know if the law works that way.

 

You are not here to find out how to help your marriage, you are here for one thing and one thing only; to receive validation for using your marriage to punish your wife, to wreak vengance on her and her actions.

 

No, I think HC wants to stay married. What he really wants is the marriage he thought he had. He's still struggling to accept the truth of who his wife is. The beliefs he had about his wife, his marriage, and even his kids have been destroyed. That's a hard thing to deal with. HC is not this monster people are painting him as. He's in a lot of pain, and I think it's his pain doing most of the talking.

 

That's the way I see it anyway. I could be wrong. Only HC knows for sure.