Best revenge on a cheating spouse...

[Flyin in Clouds]

"And to many men, their woman cheating on them has the same traumatic emotional impact as being raped. It is a life long scar. It is a kind of death. Part of a man dies when he finds out his angel isn't all that angelic after all."

 

Oh please. My first wife cheated on me with 3 men in two years. Was I happy about it? Of course not. I survived--and after the divorce she married the third guy.

 

Ask any guy if he had to choose which would he prefer--getting raped, dying or being cuckolded--and almost all will say being cuckolded ain't so bad--in comparison.

 

Often there's way too much drama over infidelity on these boards.

I have asked that question (on a different forum) and one guy that had been raped in his teens and cheated on by his wife said by far he'd prefered the rape to the cheating.

 

Some men in fact prefer being cuckolds. It's a whole alternate lifestyle.

 

But for some, well they hang themselves or shoot themsleves after find the woman they loved cheated on them. Usually the more deeply a guy loved and trusted the woman the worse it was for him. Certainly if I didn't really love a woman very much but was just staying with her because she was hot in bed... well I wouldn't care if she cheated. But then I'd probably be cheating on her too.

[Flyin in Clouds]

So, noone in particular? Again? Just another generalisation....

Ripple, having read this and a few other forums, the GENERAL impression seems to be that if a woman cheats, she's to be forgiven and taken back and her H is just supposed to get over it by going to a little MC, while if a guy cheats he's a dirty dog and should be kicked to the curb immediately.

 

If we actually counted it up and scored both sides I think that's the result we'd find. It is the very distinct impression I get from reading these forums.

 

It is, generally speaking, no big deal if a woman cheats, according to women, but it is a big deal if her husband cheats. Listen to the excuses women give. "It just happened". What a lame ass excuse. no it didn't just happen.

 

Anyway the generalizations are what they are. And the impression is that men should just put up with women behaving badly cause women now have a right to behave badly.

[Flyin in Clouds]

That does not make his wife an irresponsible mother.

I beg to differ. A woman that cheats on her husband is an irresponsible mother and should not be allowed near her children. She'll damage them even more than she has by destroying her family.

 

Sorry but it takes two people to cause turmoil. He refuses to recognize his flaws that might have contributed to his wife straying.

Jinxx, I'll ask again. What does a woman do that causes a man to rape her? How is it EVER a woman's fault that she is raped?

 

No matter what a man does or doesn't do, it is never his fault if his wife cheats. It is ENTIRELY her fault. She is the one that decided to cheat instead of get a divorce and start over.

 

And yes, it takes two people to cause turmoil. The WS and the OM/OW...

 

HC/SC sounds like a control freak.

It is so controlling to not want one's wife to be screwing other guys. Geez... what bad guys we are... See what I mean Ripples? Guys should just accept their wives bad behavior because of course it's always the guy's fault.

 

I suppose if my wife shot me it's my fault too... I suppose if a bank robber shoots me it's my fault. ....

 

He gets great satisfaction holding her past over her head rather than seeking help from a professional and moving forward.

What's to move forward? If it was me she'd be on the street trying to put out her burning pile of clothes.

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

Men and women are equal opportunity employers of "resentment". I've met plenty of both men AND women who never seem to hold a grudge, (sometimes even when they really should). And plenty of both men and women who can't let even the smallest thing go. There's no rhyme or reason to it....

 

Your talking about individual cases. What is the general trend? Which gender tends to hold a grudge longer and over what issues? And what is the presecption in the general population as to which gender holds a grudge longer.

 

"Hell hath no fury ... " It wasn't written because there was no truth to it. Shakespeare didn't pull it completely out of thin air.

[Flyin in Clouds]

Excuse me but a woman being raped and someone having an affair are completely opposite of one another.

 

No Jinxx they are not opposite - in emotional impact on the victim.

 

Some women commit suicide after being raped.

Some men commit suicide after finding their wife has betrayed them.

 

And, in general, I think most men are more deeply and permanelty hurt by the betrayal than women are. Men would like to marry a virgin. They'd like to be their wifes first and only sexual partner. Rare these days but still I think most men would prefer it that way.

 

I don't think women care nearly as much about their husbands being a virgin. About being the first woman their husband has. But they want to be damn sure they are the last woman their husband ever has.

 

You cheated on your husband (right?). I'm sure to him it felt like being raped. Not phsycally but mentally.

 

And just so you know -- I was a former BS so I know every feeling and raw emotion that goes along with it. I get it.

Yes, but you only

"get it" from a woman's perspective. Men have a different prespective on their wives infidelity. Take HC for example. He's not even sure his kids are his because of what his wife did. Some other guy could be the father. Women always know the kid is theirs. It makes a huge difference. It is why a queen would be executed if she was found to be having an affair. It threatened the legitmacy of the King's offspring and thus the entire state. If a man strayed he might sire a bastard. No bid deal. But if a woman had an affair - well... that was a bigger deal.

 

Men and women are both hurt by their SO's affair, but in different ways.

[Flyin in Clouds]

WB FIC, you certainly know how to come back to LS with a bang!

 

Two wrongs do not make a right,

No two wrongs cerainly don't make a right. But they do make the two of them "equal". HC can no longer claim to be morally superior and keep throwing that in his wife's face. He can admit he was just as human as she was, just as in need to scratch an itch. I does that for their relationship. And if it cause her pain, then she can better relate to his pain. And it would certainly be an ego boost for his battered pride.

 

I know the conventional advise is against it but given the current state of their relationship I don't see it doing any harm. That is to say there relationship is at rock bottom anyway.

 

And, him outing his wife to the kids isn't right, it's so inappropriate. That's something else he wouldn't do.

And so the kids will never know the truth about their mother, they'll live with a false reality, and one of them may in fact believe that his father is HC when in fact it is some other guy. Great for knowing one's genetic history and susptibilty to medical problems.

[Flyin in Clouds]

Flying in Clouds - where you high when you wrote some of the stuff you wrote here hence the name?

Is that a personal attack? moderators like to ban people for that...

 

No I was just countering the boloney you were dishing out, mostly. and I wouldn't bother answering your non-sense but.....

 

First off I'm not even going to bother answering all the nonsense you wrote about showing anger infront of the kids because anyone in their right mind who is mature, empathetic towards children, and understands the psychology of children would agree that angry parents who show their disdain for one another infront of the children = deep seated problems for the kids' psyche.

Crap... it shows the real world and that parents are human and they get angry and have disputes and so on... you want your kids living in an unreal fair tale world were all is nice and never a cloud in the sky, fine... they'll have a rude awakening some day when they have to deal with the real and very nasty world - created by cheaters.

 

Obviously you don't have children OR you are an unfit parent if you think otherwise.

Now that is a personal attack. Yes, I have three children. Well adjusted thanks. They see mom and dad argue and disagree with each other. They also see us staying together... and resolving our problems. But I don't really care to discuss that further with you. So drop it.

 

Other than that I won't even bother responding to your entire ridiculous opinion on that subject, I'll laugh it off as a joke, which is what it is.

that is exaclty how I feel about all your posts. Ridiculous. And frankly I expected the personal attack because a person like you can't tolerate anyone that disagrees with them. Rather the discuss an issue you'd rather write me off as an unfit parent or falsely accuse me of using illicit drugs. Typical.

 

Actually I would recommend he leave her and start off a new life with someone else

Yeah, that's an option. It would be mine if I was in HC shoes. But IF she wanted to save the marriage for the sake of the kids or any other reason, it would be made clear to her that I would be fooling around, just like she did, she'd have no say in who I slept with, just as I had no say in who she was sleeping with. IF she wanted to stay married those would be the new terms she would have to agree to. If she didnt want agree to them it would be over.

 

 

If SC cheated on his W I would recommend the exact same thing to her, actually. No double standards.

No, what you and others are recommending is a double standard. She can fool around and be forgiven but he can't. He has to remain faithful to his faithless wife. That my friend is a double standard and one I would not accept. She plays, I can play. What was good for her would be good for me. We get to play by the same rules and do the same things.

 

First of all I am woman

Yeah, I was begining to figure that from what you were writing. But Tomcat's are usually male. It would be nice of people would delcare it and the forum showed the gender.

 

Second, "I am in love with Che"!?!? What are you 7?

Are you afraid to admit you love the guy? People that quote Che are either ignorant of who and what he was or they are fellow travellers.

 

I quoted the guy because his quote is simple and true. Get over it.

You quote Hitler and Saddam too?

 

Thirdly, Che was a revolutionary he believed in his cause, didn't "advocate" capital punishment,

Technically that is correct because he didn't believe in wasting time on a trial. He just believed in executing people that didn't agree with him. Those filthy capitalist reactionary pigs that got in his way of liberating the people who were supposed to be liberating themselves.

 

read up on him if you are ignorant to who and what he was.

I already know who he was. Castro's executioner. A throughly despicable man.

 

 

Like every great social movement in history there was resistance and casualties, that's a far stretch from calling the guy a mass murderer.

Yeah, that's what Hitler and Stalin said too...

 

Besides "I" don't believe in capital punishment who cares what Che believed. I was talking to SC not Che Guevara....

 

Lastly, WHO CARES about Che and my quote!?!?! .

People that quote Che and don't know anything about him, what he really was and did, generally don't get the time of day from me. google che guevara mass murder. Certainly he wasn't in Hilter's, Stalin's or Saddam's class, but still he believed in executing people.

 

Look Tomcat you are entitled to your opinion, but knock off the personal attacks, with stuff like am I high or an unfit parent. None of that adds anything to your argument.

[Darth Vader]

Given that his wife pushed for marriage while cheating on him, I don't think it's a matter of what he did wrong in the relationship that lead her to cheat.

 

 

 

White I agree with that statement on one level, I disagree on another. For a person who sees divorce as an easy option or someone who's been divorced before, that's a simple solution. At this point, I don't think HC genuinely feels it's an option. I think he still wants to believe his wife is the woman he thought she was, but is having a hard time because all the evidence says she's not.

 

It's too bad HC was tricked into marrying someone who wasn't who he though she was. If anyone should feel justified to divorce, he should. I personally think he should be granted an annulment due to the fact that his consent to the marriage was based on fraud, but I don't know if the law works that way.

 

 

 

No, I think HC wants to stay married. What he really wants is the marriage he thought he had. He's still struggling to accept the truth of who his wife is. The beliefs he had about his wife, his marriage, and even his kids have been destroyed. That's a hard thing to deal with. HC is not this monster people are painting him as. He's in a lot of pain, and I think it's his pain doing most of the talking.

 

That's the way I see it anyway. I could be wrong. Only HC knows for sure.

 

 

It's hard to get into a man's mind and thinking. You nailed it though, not many women can, or do. But the way that his wife has not been accepting the responsibility for her actions, by destroying his, and the childrens lives, that keeps adding fuel to the fire. IMO, he's gonna divorce his wife before she comes to the realization of the damage that she's done. Even then, it would just be for show.

[Tomcat33]

Is that a personal attack? moderators like to ban people for that...

 

No I was just countering the boloney you were dishing out, mostly. and I wouldn't bother answering your non-sense but.....

 

Crap... it shows the real world and that parents are human and they get angry and have disputes and so on... you want your kids living in an unreal fair tale world were all is nice and never a cloud in the sky, fine... they'll have a rude awakening some day when they have to deal with the real and very nasty world - created by cheaters.

 

Now that is a personal attack. Yes, I have three children. Well adjusted thanks. They see mom and dad argue and disagree with each other. They also see us staying together... and resolving our problems. But I don't really care to discuss that further with you. So drop it.

 

that is exaclty how I feel about all your posts. Ridiculous. And frankly I expected the personal attack because a person like you can't tolerate anyone that disagrees with them. Rather the discuss an issue you'd rather write me off as an unfit parent or falsely accuse me of using illicit drugs. Typical.

 

Yeah, that's an option. It would be mine if I was in HC shoes. But IF she wanted to save the marriage for the sake of the kids or any other reason, it would be made clear to her that I would be fooling around, just like she did, she'd have no say in who I slept with, just as I had no say in who she was sleeping with. IF she wanted to stay married those would be the new terms she would have to agree to. If she didnt want agree to them it would be over.

 

 

No, what you and others are recommending is a double standard. She can fool around and be forgiven but he can't. He has to remain faithful to his faithless wife. That my friend is a double standard and one I would not accept. She plays, I can play. What was good for her would be good for me. We get to play by the same rules and do the same things.

 

Yeah, I was begining to figure that from what you were writing. But Tomcat's are usually male. It would be nice of people would delcare it and the forum showed the gender.

 

Are you afraid to admit you love the guy? People that quote Che are either ignorant of who and what he was or they are fellow travellers.

 

You quote Hitler and Saddam too?

 

Technically that is correct because he didn't believe in wasting time on a trial. He just believed in executing people that didn't agree with him. Those filthy capitalist reactionary pigs that got in his way of liberating the people who were supposed to be liberating themselves.

 

I already know who he was. Castro's executioner. A throughly despicable man.

 

 

Yeah, that's what Hitler and Stalin said too...

 

People that quote Che and don't know anything about him, what he really was and did, generally don't get the time of day from me. google che guevara mass murder. Certainly he wasn't in Hilter's, Stalin's or Saddam's class, but still he believed in executing people.

 

Look Tomcat you are entitled to your opinion, but knock off the personal attacks, with stuff like am I high or an unfit parent. None of that adds anything to your argument.

 

 

Gees can you stay on topic? This thread is not about political leaders, it's about the infidelity of a particular couple, go back and read the original post if you forget what this thread is about.

 

In my books anyone who encourages anger and constant fighting infront of the children and who "advises" to show the children (and I quote) "What a whore their mother is" is an unfit parent. That's my opinion, if you think that's a personal attack...if the shoe fits...

 

 

 

As per the rest of your post and comments on "personal attacks", all I have to say is you might want to lead by example conisdering your post on page 23 post 344: Well excuse me for saying this SC, but what kind of dumb f*ck would LET his wife go out clubbing with her "friends" until 4 in the morning? Sorry, that isn't married behavior. Stay at home after you're married.

 

 

Just because you don't agree with the arrangement SC and his W had at one point, that may very well have proven to be ineffective, it does not give you the right to call him a "dumb F*ck"

 

Personally, I don't think he is a dum F*uck, his decission turned out to be a mistake in the end, but many married couples have agreements to go out seperately and it works for them, who are you or I or anyone to point out what should work or shouldn't for another marriage. It may not be what gels with your way at looking at the spousal agreement but that hardly makes another person a dumb "f*ck" Was that really necessary?

[hardcase]

As per the rest of your post and comments on "personal attacks", all I have to say is you might want to lead by example conisdering your post on page 23 post 344: Well excuse me for saying this SC, but what kind of dumb f*ck would LET his wife go out clubbing with her "friends" until 4 in the morning? Sorry, that isn't married behavior. Stay at home after you're married.

 

 

Just because you don't agree with the arrangement SC and his W had at one point, that may very well have proven to be ineffective, it does not give you the right to call him a "dumb F*ck"

 

Its ok...I was a dumbf#ck for letting her. I trusted her and was a fool. I thought I was being the kind of husband every woman would want...one that doesn't make her stay home..one that let her have time out with the girls. And I thought the rewards would come back to me.

 

Ya...right....so yes...I was a dumbf#ck.

[Tomcat33]

Hc why do that to yourself now? Why fill yourself with regret of what you could have done differently and worst of all why call yourself names because of this? At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. It felt good and it felt right to give to your W like you did. Letting your partner have the freedom to do what they like away from you is a mature thing to do, it is a selfless thing to do for the love you felt for her, the fact that she took your gift and abused it is NOT your fault. It's not your wrong doing, it's hers. If you are going to kick yourself for all the things you could have done differently you might as well throw "marrying her"in the mix too, and you could not have known at the time you were giving to someone who didn't deserve it .

 

 

that's what trust is, a choice. We choose to trust the person we deposit our trust on and hope that they will not walk all over it.

 

Regret is wasted energy, the question is what do you intend to do today with the knowledge that you've gainded from this whole experience? That's taking charge of the situation and your life.

[LittleLady]

Exactly..Except your your wife is a slu&bag.On the other hand, she is suffering from some serious overweight issues, depression and lack of self-esteem. Though honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you cheated on the fat cow. You deserve better than some woman who would cheat on you. I've cheated as well on my husband but thats because he's a fat obnoxious yelling and abusive prick.My marriage is pretty much over because he found out about my indiscretions and knocked me down the stairs and I wound up in the hospital. Now I'm living with my boss/lover in a secret bungalow he owns and he just goes to his actual home with his wife some nights.

[LittleLady]

Well excuse me for saying this SC, but what kind of dumb f*ck would LET his wife go out clubbing with her "friends" until 4 in the morning? Sorry, that isn't married behavior. Stay at home after you're married.

------------Oh please, you think you should CHAIN your spouse in the house after marriage. It IS alright to still lead your own life and have some fun here and there after marriage. Marriage doesn't mean you should be slave, stay home all the time and be miserable! You sound just like my soon-to-be ex-husband. And because of his controlling behavior and abusive attitude, I DID CHEAT!!!!! You are an idiot for swearing at this man as well. He was being a GOOD husband; just happened to have a LOUSY wife!!!

[Flyin in Clouds]

Gees can you stay on topic? This thread is not about political leaders, it's about the infidelity of a particular couple, go back and read the original post if you forget what this thread is about.

people that go around wearing Che t-shirts or quoteing him bug me beause they are usually clueless as to who and what he was.

 

In my books anyone who encourages anger and constant fighting infront of the children and who "advises" to show the children (and I quote) "What a whore their mother is" is an unfit parent. That's my opinion, if you think that's a personal attack...if the shoe fits...

So lying to children is preferable? Telling them their mother is a saint when she isn't? That would be good parenting?

 

 

 

As per the rest of your post and comments on "personal attacks", all I have to say is you might want to lead by example conisdering your post on page 23 post 344: Well excuse me for saying this SC, but what kind of dumb f*ck would LET his wife go out clubbing with her "friends" until 4 in the morning? Sorry, that isn't married behavior. Stay at home after you're married.

I didn't realize Tomcat was a pseudonym for SC or HC.

 

If you disagree with my ideas then say so, but don't acsuse me of using drugs cause I don't. And it is not that big a deal since I will tolerate "flowery" language a whole lot more than some others around here will.

 

Just because you don't agree with the arrangement SC and his W had at one point, that may very well have proven to be ineffective, it does not give you the right to call him a "dumb F*ck"

A married person that lets their spouse go out clubbing, taking care of the kids, while the spouse parties is being a dumb f*ck in my book.

 

And I think the SC / HC would even agree he had been stupid to let that go on.

 

Personally, I don't think he is a dum F*uck, his decission turned out to be a mistake in the end, but many married couples have agreements to go out seperately and it works for them, who are you or I or anyone to point out what should work or shouldn't for another marriage.

Well of course if she fully disclosed what she was going to be doing to him and he agreed. But she didn't. She fooled him. Duh... that's why he's P.O.ed.

 

It may not be what gels with your way at looking at the spousal agreement but that hardly makes another person a dumb "f*ck" Was that really necessary?

For the benifit of anyone else reading the thread that might be in a similar situation yeah, I think it was...

 

No offense to SC / HC. I think he's being noble and trying to be a good guy. But I don't think he should be noble about any of this to the point of sacrificing his own happiness.

 

One thing that I think too many guys do fall into these day, due to the feminist sensitivity training all these younger guys had to endure, is that a guy is expected to give a woman anything she wants because she has a right to it, including having lovers if she wants them. She's entitled. She is woman hear her roar. Frankly a lot of us are tired of it. Sit down and shut the f*ck up bitch is what we'd like to say. I'm the man here and you'll do as I say or hit the road. Now I know that will set off the feminist in the crowd. How dare a man... am I his property? yada yada yada. But frankly I think it works a whole lot better if women weren't so "equal" or so "independent" that they are always feeling so entitled to have everything their way.

 

Letting your partner have the freedom to do what they like away from you is a mature thing to do,

So "the mature thing" for wives to do is let the husbands go to strip clubs because they like to do it -- away from their wives. Come on that's b.s. and you know it. Women want to control their H's sex life completely, but deny a woman her freedom... forget that.

[Flyin in Clouds]

Exactly..Except your your wife is a slu&bag.On the other hand, she is suffering from some serious overweight issues, depression and lack of self-esteem. Though honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you cheated on the fat cow. You deserve better than some woman who would cheat on you. I've cheated as well on my husband but thats because he's a fat obnoxious yelling and abusive prick.My marriage is pretty much over because he found out about my indiscretions and knocked me down the stairs and I wound up in the hospital. Now I'm living with my boss/lover in a secret bungalow he owns and he just goes to his actual home with his wife some nights.

what can one say? .... some peole.

 

I wonder which came first the chicken or the egg, the obnoxious abusive prick or the cheating ......?

[Flyin in Clouds]

....Oh please, you think you should CHAIN your spouse in the house after marriage. It IS alright to still lead your own life and have some fun here and there after marriage.

why get married? If you don't want to have fun with your spouse then don't bother being married, just live together and be two free and independent people. But if you make a commitment to be with someone be with them. And if a woman wants to go out and have a little fun then that same woman can NOT object to her husband going to strip clubs and him having a little fun his way.

 

Marriage doesn't mean you should be slave, stay home all the time and be miserable! You sound just like my soon-to-be ex-husband. And because of his controlling behavior and abusive attitude, I DID CHEAT!!!!!

To bad he didn't cheat on you. I'm sure you would have deserved it.

 

Do you consider it controlling to prevent your husband (stbxH) from going to strip clubs? How about your boss/lover? Going to control his seeing other women?

 

You are an idiot for swearing at this man as well. He was being a GOOD husband; just happened to have a LOUSY wife!!!

No, he wasn't being a good husband. A good husband does NOT allow his wife to go out to clubs without him and letting her get into trouble. He aided and abetted her bad behavior and that is not being a good husband.

[Sal Paradise]

Well it took a while but I read the entire thread, now for a few thoughts…

 

 

I think a lot of posters on here are being completely unfair toward SC/HC. The guy basically finds out that after 7 years his marriage is based on a lie and is a complete fabrication. His wife was cheating on him while they were engaged. He also has damn good reason to believe that his wife cheated on him for years after they were married (judging by her actions and unwillingness to take the LDT I’d place the odds at 99% that she has been cheating on him throughout the marriage until D day). Despite that he wants to stay in the marriage so he can raise and provide for his kids (one of whom he suspects isn’t his) in a way he doesn’t feel he can if they were to split.

 

Is he still angry? Of course he is and he has every right to be. His wife basically stole 7 years from his life. She lied before her vows, lied during her vows, has lied every day since and is still lying now. How else is he supposed to react to her continued inability to come completely clean? Should he pretend she isn’t lying and reach out to her, comfort her and reassure her when she has a moment of insecurity and accuses him of cheating because he is working out? Of course some of you had the nerve to suggest he was abusing her, it was almost as outlandish and ridiculous as her accusing him of cheating. If anyone is being abused it’s him. Every day that she continues to lie about her betrayal is another day of emotional abuse he must endure because of her cowardice.

 

Try to imagine for a second what he is going through. This woman has been lying to him for years and he had absolutely no clue. Not only that he trusted and loved her so much that he was willing to allow her to go out to clubs without him (and sometimes she didn’t come home until 4am). She took advantage of his trust and made a fool of him. He thought he was being a good husband by having faith in her, faith in her love for him, to the degree that he trusted her to go out on the town with her horrible friends to clubs (basically a room full of drunk, single horny people). I know that I wouldn’t do that but I’m not going to fault someone for trusting their spouse. His heart was in the right place the problem is that he gave it to the wrong woman. The problem isn’t with him it’s her. How anyone could suggest that he shares in the blame for trusting her to go out to clubs and not spread her legs for every guy that buys her a drink is utterly ridiculous

 

Some say Eight Months is long enough and he needs to get over it and move on. Many people have accurately compared the pain of infidelity to that of the pain experienced from the death of a loved one. When a person loses someone they love they grieve in their own way, at their own pace. Well that is just what he is doing. He is grieving the death of his absolute trust & faith in his wife, her love for him, and possibly their marriage. You wouldn’t expect someone grieving over a deceased spouse to “hurry up and get over it”, so don’t expect him to do so. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL HIM HOW TO FEEL OR HOW LONG TO FEEL IT. He will move on when he is emotionally ready. He isn’t prolonging it to make her miserable, if it has that effect then that is the price she must pay for her years of lies and deceit. Next to what he is going through her end is a walk in the park.

 

 

I don’t understand how anyone could take anything out of his original post in this thread or any of his responses and come away with the impression that he is out to get his wife. He simply wants the truth. How can he be expected to forgive her when she won’t come completely clean? Their relationship will remain in limbo until either one of them leaves or she comes clean. Forgiveness isn’t possible without remorse and honesty. She has displayed neither.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else who’s posted here under similar circumstances get attacked by so many posters over how they were dealing or dealt with their spouses infidelity. Hell I’ve seen some threads where posters displayed more sympathy for those who cheated or those who are involved with a married man/woman than he has received from some of you.

 

Some of you seem to be looking for any way possible to blame him for this or how he is dealing with it. It indicates a bias toward him. Either the bias is personal (perhaps his posting history offended some of you) or its gender based. Either way it’s unfair to him.

 

 

 

SC?HC I know you’re against therapy or counseling and I can understand why to a certain degree. If you’re unwilling to seek MC perhaps you might consider individual counseling. Perhaps it would make you more comfortable with the possibility of MC down the road at the some point. Yes there are bad therapist just as there are bad doctors, cops and cab drivers but you shouldn’t let the fear of getting a bad one (who might blame you) prevent you from finding a good one (who will work with you both to fix the marriage which will include your wife coming clean). You and your kids deserve to be happy, that isn’t going to be possible with two parents who resent each other.

 

Personally if it was me I would have left her already. I don’t think cheating is forgivable. But each of us must make that choice on our own. Good luck and I wish you the best. And remember that you deserve to be happy, you didn’t cause any of this so don’t blame yourself for trusting her.

[Chrome Barracuda]

HC I think you need to have that baby of yours dna tested. You dont want her to divorce you, force you to pay child support, then on the 18th birthday she spits in your face: this child isnt yours.

 

Some women do this, believe it or not women aint all saints. Some are them are if not more devious then men.

 

Keep working out and doing good. In time when the dust is settled your gonna feel better about yourself. It's time you started asking your wife some hard questions, it's time you asked for the truth.

[Art_Critic]

HC I think you need to have that baby of yours dna tested. You dont want her to divorce you, force you to pay child support, then on the 18th birthday she spits in your face: this child isnt yours.

Spoken like someone that doesn't have any kids...

 

I think at this point dna has little to do with whose the father here.. HC is the father and something tells me that he would never abandon his children.

[Woggle]

I think it is so funny how women get all bent out of shape if a man goes to a strip club but this guy finds out his wife is a cheater and he is just supposed to suck it up because if a woman cheats it is obviously his fault right? This shows why I sometimes have aushc a negative attitude towards women. The women hear don't seem to think there is anything wrong with what his wife did but they will hold resentments for 20 years over the smallest things. I guess men don't have feelings and if we do women don't care anyway. Of course not all women but it is a growing trend.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think it is so funny how women get all bent out of shape if a man goes to a strip club but this guy finds out his wife is a cheater and he is just supposed to suck it up because if a woman cheats it is obviously his fault right? This shows why I sometimes have aushc a negative attitude towards women. The women hear don't seem to think there is anything wrong with what his wife did but they will hold resentments for 20 years over the smallest things. I guess men don't have feelings and if we do women don't care anyway. Of course not all women but it is a growing trend.

 

I notice this trend too and its getting sickening. We rake men over the freaking coals for affairs and when women do worse we treat them with the kid gloves. And what makes it twisted is the women know that they wont get punsihed like the men do so they abuse the system based on what society does.

 

Basically they committ emotional and physical murder and they get away with it, when cheating and that **** is not fair. It screams double standard.

[Woggle]

I notice this trend too and its getting sickening. We rake men over the freaking coals for affairs and when women do worse we treat them with the kid gloves. And what makes it twisted is the women know that they wont get punsihed like the men do so they abuse the system based on what society does.

 

Basically they committ emotional and physical murder and they get away with it, when cheating and that **** is not fair. It screams double standard.

 

In many ways men do it to ourselves because we don't kick these women to the curb. When a woman cheats men do everything in their power to kiss their ass and save the relationship when really we should be throwing them out on the street. It is time for men to grow our balls back. Even the music men make today is emasculated. Women are making all these female empowerment songs while men are making sensitive James Blunt type of songs. It's sickening.

[a4a]

all genders and people of different sexual orientation cheat......

 

I think this thread has gone way off topic.

 

Perhaps it would be best to start another "evil women" thread without clouding up SC/HC's thread.

******************************************************

Men and Women can be quite deceptive.......

In this case a women did not tell HC that she had sexual relations before marriage..... major deception. She may have also continued to decieve him with more "cheating".

 

In other cases a spouse may have entered a marriage without revealing how they really feel about things such as religion, children, or other matters that will have a great effect on the other person in the marriage........ again deception (I have experience myself in this arena). It is major deception, because you base your choice to marry on the information your partner gives you.

 

And others may enter marriage with some major major issues that they keep to themselves, knowing that if they were revealed their partner may indeed reject them if the issues were known........... again major deception. Mental illness and a defective/harmful belief system my fall into this category.

 

Omission = lies = deception.

 

IMHO you cannot have a good marriage that is entered into while being decieved by the other partner.

 

HC's wife needs to come clean with HC...... to finally allow him to make a choice to continue his marriage or leave. He has a right to that information.

So do other spouses that are being decieved or in a marriage that was based on deceptions.

[serial muse]

a4a, I was going to post something similar.

 

Woggle, Flyin, etc. - look, gentlemen. This thread is about SC/HC's marriage. Not about how all women suck. It's about one guy's story, and it shouldn't become a platform to extrapolate one woman's cheating to how all women hate men. You know, I've seen a wide range of responses from the women who post here - personally, for example, I saw nothing untoward in SC/HC's original post, and more power to him. Others have their own points of view. It's not necessary, nor is it accurate, to reduce them all to "all you women hate men," and frankly, it makes no sense. It also reduces a discussion about how to deal with cheating to a nonsensical war of the sexes that isn't helpful. And there are also men (Art, Herzen) who have taken an opposing view and expressed concern with SC/HC's way of expressing his anger. These are all valid viewpoints, and all have the right to be expressed, and to not be reduced to a battle of the sexes. That's just not what this is about.

 

I also want to point out that I haven't noticed any of the women who have responded saying anything about evil men, or about how "all/most men do x" and I'm thankful for it. Perhaps I have missed something? But I think, while I may disagree with points of view, people are generally managing to keep their comments on a personal, one-guy's-story kind of level, and not making it about what they think of men. That's coming from you guys, and you're stirring the pot. I wish you'd stop. I don't get why one guy's story has to turn into a diatribe about crappy women, time and again. Please, please stop and just focus on SC/HC and how he can work things out for himself, one way or another. Okay??

 

Oh, I guess I want to add this - whatever you may be reading on other boards - you are on this board, and you are talking with these people. You know? I'm sure there are man-hating (and woman-hating) boards out there. But this isn't one (usually). LS at its best is about individuals helping/advising other individuals through tough times in their lives. Why make it about something more pernicious?

[Tomcat33]

Flyin in Clouds wrote:

 

people that go around wearing Che t-shirts or quoteing him bug me beause they are usually clueless as to who and what he was.

 

Well good for you and your philosophy. As for me, I lived in Cuba for 2 years. I also studied abroad where they teach you all about Che Guevara amongst other leaders in world history as part of the regular program. So before you go ahead and make assumptions and false accusations about what I know and what I don't know, stuff it. That's the end of that topic. If I feel like quoting Che Guevara in my signature, I will. That's really the only explanation you need. PS I don't own a Che t-shirt, people who wear the t's bug me too LOL

 

 

If you disagree with my ideas then say so, but don't acsuse me of using drugs cause I don't. And it is not that big a deal since I will tolerate "flowery" language a whole lot more than some others around here will.

 

 

I don't think I need to say that I disagree with your commments, the argument I posted speaks for itself. But if you need to see it in black and white: I disagee with you. I asked you if you were high when you wrote the bit about getting as angry as you need to infront of the children to show them what a whore their mother is, because only a person who is high would seriously advise that.

So if it's no big deal and you tolerate flowery language why did you even bring it up? just take it like a man already and quit crying mommy...since you also like to dish it out. LOL

 

 

But then again you are also the person who claims that once you are married you are no longer an individual, you become "one". I didn't realise that getting married meant you morph into one person sort like mixing two colours of playdough together to make a big ball of yellow-blue, so......

 

 

One thing that I think too many guys do fall into these day, due to the feminist sensitivity training all these younger guys had to endure, is that a guy is expected to give a woman anything she wants because she has a right to it, including having lovers if she wants them. She's entitled. She is woman hear her roar. Frankly a lot of us are tired of it. Sit down and shut the f*ck up bitch is what we'd like to say. I'm the man here and you'll do as I say or hit the road. Now I know that will set off the feminist in the crowd. How dare a man... am I his property? yada yada yada. But frankly I think it works a whole lot better if women weren't so "equal" or so "independent" that they are always feeling so entitled to have everything their way.

 

 

All I have to say about your bolded comment up there is, it doesn't surprise me ONE bit that you would advocate tit-for-tat (go ahead cheat on her), agression in front of the children, vilolence against women.So not only do you come across as an unfit parent you also come across as an unfit spouse. The reality is that men that speak like you are more whipped by their women than cool-whip. LOL

 

The advice given here has NOTHING to do with being a woman or a man, you just want to highjack this threas to vent your anti-femenist issues.

 

What we have here is a man, who was cheated on who chooses to stay with his cheating W and who is also in a lot of pain. All I want to know is what is he going to do about it, because where he is right now is neither good for him nor his children. He's stuck in limbo feeding his resentment.

 

 

So "the mature thing" for wives to do is let the husbands go to strip clubs because they like to do it -- away from their wives. Come on that's b.s. and you know it. Women want to control their H's sex life completely, but deny a woman her freedom... forget that.

 

 

 

Look the mature thing to do is to sit down with your spouse and work out an agreement that works for the two of you, there is no right or wrong as far as what is good matrimonial protocol for a successful marriage, it's all about negotiation between the two people involved and about what BOTH parties feel comfortable with, contrary to what the neighbour might think (the neighbour being you FIC, in this case) It's like running a business what may work for one company may totally destroy another.

 

At one point in SC's relationship the agreement he and his W had seemed good, little did he know that she would take the priviledge that she was given and abuse it. But he gave it the benefit of the doubt because he trusted her, he wanted to give to her unconditionally (which is really hard to do) The bottom line is that she would have found a way to cheat either way, clubs or no clubs, she had it in her....THAT'S what you should be focusing on not the fact that he was "dumb" to let her go to clubs. She had already cheated on him by that point so the club thing is irrelevant.