fray718 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I read that when a guy initiates hand-holding it means that they are committed to the girl and is proud to be a couple with her. Is this true? What do you all think? When guys hold your hand on the 4th or 5th date, does it mean they are into you and possibly wanting a relationship? Or is hand-holding just something guys do nowadays casually with whoever they are dating? And what about the guy putting his arm around your shoulder? Is this more or less affectionate than hand-holding? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I personally take it that way, when the guy I am dating first made the move to take my hand, that it's how I felt. I think public displays of affection are a big sign. I hope that is right, speaks loudly to me when my guy holds my hand and gives me a kiss in public, shows other girls he is with you and other guys I am with him. Tonight my guy got off the bus before me on our way home from seeing a movie, he kissed me, got off the bus and outside he waved and blew me another kiss. Also means something to me when he says mwaa over the phone no matter where he is, doesn't care who hears. I hope that kinda thing means he wants to be in a relationship with me! hee hee Shoulder I'm not so sure because a really good guyfriend could do that. Also hard to say cause I had a date with a guy once and on the way home he put his arm around my shoulders and then after that date he said he wasn't feeling anything between us. (though months later emailed me saying he didn't know what was thinking at the time and was kicking himself since and was still thinking of me) So who knows! Though I am a woman, what do the guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I'm a guy and if I hold hands or put my arm around her it means that I'm into her and are affectionate. If she is just a friend and in distress then I might put my arm around her or hug her to comfort her. I would not hold hands with her in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Those are just sub-conscious, instinctive possessive postures designed to show that you belong to him and others should be wary. While feelings of "love" and "caring" may accompany such gestures, even those responses are designed to maximize the opportunity to pass on his genes. Once his genes have been transferred to you, the need will subside. But if he sees that another might be moving in on you will he resume his possessive stance, and he will most likely be driven to pass on another set of his chromosomes to you just in case. So i wouldn't read too much into it if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Those are just sub-conscious, instinctive possessive postures designed to show that you belong to him and others should be wary. While feelings of "love" and "caring" may accompany such gestures, even those responses are designed to maximize the opportunity to pass on his genes. Once his genes have been transferred to you, the need will subside. But if he sees that another might be moving in on you will he resume his possessive stance, and he will most likely be driven to pass on another set of his chromosomes to you just in case. So i wouldn't read too much into it if I were you. Interesting perspective. I would think they would avoid PDA in any form if they weren't really interested/cared so as to maintain the appearance of being 'available' to other females... No? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Those are just sub-conscious, instinctive possessive postures designed to show that you belong to him and others should be wary. While feelings of "love" and "caring" may accompany such gestures, even those responses are designed to maximize the opportunity to pass on his genes. Once his genes have been transferred to you, the need will subside. But if he sees that another might be moving in on you will he resume his possessive stance, and he will most likely be driven to pass on another set of his chromosomes to you just in case. So i wouldn't read too much into it if I were you. I don't buy evolutionary psychology. It's little more than a cop out these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Interesting perspective. I would think they would avoid PDA in any form if they weren't really interested/cared so as to maintain the appearance of being 'available' to other females... No? Yeah i agree with stargazer. I don't think holding hands is a sign of possession, I think it's a sign that the guy cares for you and is proud to be with you. I personally love it when my bf holds my hand in public, it makes me feel special. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fray718 Posted May 9, 2007 Author Share Posted May 9, 2007 Yeah i agree with stargazer. I don't think holding hands is a sign of possession, I think it's a sign that the guy cares for you and is proud to be with you. I personally love it when my bf holds my hand in public, it makes me feel special. Oh I hope those of you who agree with this are right. The guy Im dating held my hand for the first time on the 4th/5thish date. It felt good when he did that. I kind of used my other hand to touch/stroke his arm for a bit (not in a sexual way, just in a nice way haha) just to let him know that I liked that he held my hand...was that arm-touching on my part good or bad? It felt right for me to do that, but then again I dont' necessarily have common sense when it comes to dating lol. I mean I just want a way for him to know I like it so he will keep holding my hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Oh I hope those of you who agree with this are right. The guy Im dating held my hand for the first time on the 4th/5thish date. It felt good when he did that. I kind of used my other hand to touch/stroke his arm for a bit (not in a sexual way, just in a nice way haha) just to let him know that I liked that he held my hand...was that arm-touching on my part good or bad? It felt right for me to do that, but then again I dont' necessarily have common sense when it comes to dating lol. I mean I just want a way for him to know I like it so he will keep holding my hand. Aww, that's sweet. Yeah you are on the right track. I do that with my boyfriend and he loves it. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I think that most couples do it unconsciously, not too sure about like 4th-5th date. However, after watching my bf's friend maul a girl he is interested in last weekend for about 5 hours, I would have to say mauling in public is a sign of interest... Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Holding hands is definitely a sign of affection/attraction. But I think it varies from person to person. Personally if i begin holding hands with a girl, it is a sign im interested in being a couple. Hand around waist definitely implies sexual interest/attraction. Hand around shoulder is tricky, it can imply friendship or more...but then you'd have to gauge the guy's other signs of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Oh I hope those of you who agree with this are right. The guy I'm dating held my hand for the first time on the 4th/5thish date. It felt good when he did that. I kind of used my other hand to touch/stroke his arm for a bit (not in a sexual way, just in a nice way haha) just to let him know that I liked that he held my hand...was that arm-touching on my part good or bad? It felt right for me to do that, but then again I don't necessarily have common sense when it comes to dating lol. I mean I just want a way for him to know I like it so he will keep holding my hand. For sure I can only see it as a good thing! I'm sure he liked it and took it as that you liked him holding your hand as well. It was farther along in dating that my guy held my hand as well. Though was because we had been staying home cause of lack of money! LOL So later on when we went out in public he grabbed my hand. I think date 4/5 is a good amount of time to also look at it as he is interested as well because he has had enough dates to get to know you a little better and show affection. Congrats and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Man I miss hand-holding. I think it's a good sign. Don't let Johan poo-poo this. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I think this goes into the category of something people read WAY to much into. Personally I'm really physical and I touch people all the time, including people I would date. A friend and I used to meet guys and then go out with them together for the first time, people always thought I had been with my guy for much longer then date #1 because I touch him all the time and the guys would just about always respond the same way by grabbing my hand, putting his arm around me or hugging me whenever just because I do it. I dont think it means anything other then giving you indication of how physical the person is and how open you have been with him. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I think this goes into the category of something people read WAY to much into. Personally I'm really physical and I touch people all the time, including people I would date. A friend and I used to meet guys and then go out with them together for the first time, people always thought I had been with my guy for much longer then date #1 because I touch him all the time and the guys would just about always respond the same way by grabbing my hand, putting his arm around me or hugging me whenever just because I do it. I don't think it means anything other then giving you indication of how physical the person is and how open you have been with him. The question was about guys though and woman are more touchy than men anyway. As you said the guy did it because you did. The question was refering to when a guy does it first on his own will, not because the girl did it first. I still think it's a big sign. Not something to assume your in a relationship, you still should talk about that when the time is right. But still a sign that he cares and interested. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 The question was about guys though and woman are more touchy than men anyway. As you said the guy did it because you did. The question was refering to when a guy does it first on his own will, not because the girl did it first. I still think it's a big sign. Not something to assume your in a relationship, you still should talk about that when the time is right. But still a sign that he cares and interested. What do you mean "does it all on his own" you go all the way to date #4 or 5 without ever even touching the person you are with? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 What do you mean "does it all on his own" you go all the way to date #4 or 5 without ever even touching the person you are with? The guy grabs the girl's hand without anything on the girl's side first. You said you are touchy first and then he does the same thing. So if the guy grabs your hand or around your shoulder first without you being touchy first. That's what the question was asking about. I wasn't referring to anything close to "all the way"! LOL That's a different conversation! hee hee Just talking about holding hands! Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 The guy grabs the girl's hand without anything on the girl's side first. Hell I guess we just approached being with people very differently, I was always pretty much in constant physical contact with whoever I was with and still am with my husband now. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Hell I guess we just approached being with people very differently, I was always pretty much in constant physical contact with whoever I was with and still am with my husband now. Wasn't talking about anyone specifically, just referring to the question asked, if when guy grabs/holds your hand for the first time does it mean anything. After than I think it's great for both sides to be affectionate, it's what keeps you connected. Shows then you care without words. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Think about it: the type of hand holding, arm-in-arm action you are all describing really only happens when other people are around. A guy will be more likely to grab your hand as the number of people surrounding you goes up. It's one step short of urinating on you and then kicking grass on you. Some chicks actually dig that. They are the honest ones. The rest of you are just fooling yourselves. "Evolutionary biology is a cop out." Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I agree with Johan. My ex was big on this PDA thing, hand holding, arm around me, sometimes both arms around me when we were in public. Not sure why but it obviously wasn't an indication of love... Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I agree with Johan. My ex was big on this PDA thing, hand holding, arm around me, sometimes both arms around me when we were in public. Not sure why but it obviously wasn't an indication of love... Not always love, but shows he cares, likes you, shows other woman he is with you and guys that your taken! Link to post Share on other sites
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