behappy999 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 My boyfriend just started a new job with long hours and it's very hard work. He's only had it a few weeks so far. While I understand his schedule suddenly got a whole lot busier, I'm starting to feel neglected. We talked much more often (obviously) when he didn't have the job. But now I'm lucky if I hear from him by 7pm. Not even a simple text message or anything in the morning.. Anyways so we both had the day off on monday but I had something I had to do later on in the evening, so we talked in the morning and he said "we will do something today but I've got some stuff around the house to get done, I'll give you a call in a few hours." The previous week we went 5 days without seeing each other and so I told him! "I really would like to see you today because we probably won't see each other all week." So I go about my day and get my stuff done... excited to see him, 4-5 hours later still no call. I get home and see an IM he left saying we probably wouldn't be able to hang out today. What gives? He said he would call and he didn't. So now the problem comes because of tonight. Haven't talked to him ALL day, calls me after 9pm to talk for seriously like 2 minutes, and tell me he's going out for a few drinks with his friend. I was fine with it at first, but when I got off the phone I got to thinking about it and it upset me!! You would think on his day off he would hurry up and get his stuff done to see me, even if it were only for an hour!!!! he knows I would drive to him. Then somehow, after a long, hard day of work, he takes the time to shower, get ready and go to the bar... what gives??? So my point is I feel like he's neglecting me, I don't expect to see him everyday, or even every other day! But I feel lately like I'm not even a part of his life anymore! We hardly even get to talk. And since his friends are home from school I feel like they always take priority over me and that I am always the one more anxious to see him! And don't get me wrong I'm a busy girl and have my own friends and do my thing too... so I just don't get it. He wants to hang out tomorrow because he has the day off from work, but I have work AND class and I would have to bust my butt in order to make time for him, which I want to desperately because I miss him. But should I not? Should I make him realize this relationship does not revolve around HIS schedule only? I have kind of felt this way since day 1 actually, that we hang out when HE wants to. And lastly, next time I see him should I bring this all up? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
Author behappy999 Posted May 9, 2007 Author Share Posted May 9, 2007 by the way, we are both in our early 20's and both live at home if that's of any use. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 i have been in this kind of problem before and it sucks... you have already told him how you felt, i wouldn't push it from there. even though things are definately changing in your relationship, you wouldn't want to smother him and get angry with him. when my bf would rather hang out with friends than me even though we haven't seen eachother in a while i get upset!! but he wouldn't want to hang out with me if i'm always getting mad at him or upset with him. the best you can do is hang out with your friends more often. don't bust your butt to see him if he wont see you. i don't like playing games in relationships but it seems like you like him more than he likes you. there is always someone who likes someone more in the relationship. just put this in your perspective and try not to get upset when you guys don't talk or see eachother. if in a few weeks you guys are gradually fading, bring it up to him again and see what he says. i hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 The guys new on a job, after being unemployed. Sounds pretty responsible to me. The alternative: A stay at mamma's house, unemployed, loser. In reality, his work schedule should drop off some, once he is established in a new job. Keep him or dump him? Seems like an easy choice to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I disagree Lakeside. I think he sends a very important message when he chooses his friend over her in this situation. It doesn't make him a bad person, but it does, however, send her the message that he does not value time with her apparently as much as she would like. This is touchy Happy. Though he may not be doing anything intentionally, he is showing you by not going out of his way to get together with you that you are important only in convenience. I would be worried about this type of display in my SO. It's a flag in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 The fact that he's putting time and effort into his new job doesn't seem to be the issue here. It seems to be that he's chosing his friends over you when he does have free time, and that he tends to make you feel like he sees you when it's convenient for him. I think firstly you have to allow him time to see his friends. We all need friends as well as partners. Perhaps he needed some time to sound off to a friend about new work pressures. Perhaps he didn't want to put that on to you. However, it doesn't take 2 minutes to pick up the phone and say a quick hi, or to just touch base with you. And it seems like he's no longer making the effort to do that. That he's brushing you aside a little? Did he say why he couldn't hang out, or why he didn't call on the day he IM'd you?! How often are his friends home from school? For how long? Is this part of why he's trying to see them now, while he can? I think you need to breach this with him. Try not accuse him of anything, but rather explain that you know he is busy with his new job, and things have to change because of that. But that you feel he isn't making an effort to see you as much as you would like. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 As the OP said, he's only been on his new job "a few weeks". She doesent say how long they have been dating, or what type of relationship they are in. Exculsive? Dating? Making plans for the future? Aside from that, he may be under enough pressure that a couple of hours and a few beers may be his first outlet. Like it or not, maintaining a dating relationship can be as stressful as it is pleasant. That's just a man's viewpoint though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author behappy999 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Share Posted May 10, 2007 Hi all, Thanks for the replies! My boyfriend and I are in an exclusive relationship and have been dating for 6 months or so... He brought me flowers the other day at work which was so so sweet and we got a chance to see each other just for a bit afterwards, so I sort of got a chance to explain to him how I have been feeling. He apologized for not making time for me on mon... so I think all is well for now Thanks again for everything Link to post Share on other sites
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