Sobri821 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Hello, my name is Sobri. I am new to this site and have been reading lots of the threads. It is both sad and conforting to see that many people despite being in love has obsticals to deal with and that is not just me. I have been in my relationship for goin on two years now. My relationship is on of those relationship where differences are all to apparent. I'm black he's white, I'm 27 and he is 23. My parents are low income carribean decent and his are White upperclass Christian Republicans. I would say though opposites attracts. I met him online and for the fist 10 months of our relationship we were long distance. He in VA and I in NJ. We trveled twice a month visiting each other and spoke to each other every day and night on the phone. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done and he also, but we made it work. We manage to have a normal relationship without living in the same state. I decided to move to VA because I knew it was worth it. I applied to the University where his lived and was accepted. I found a job and an apartment and moved there. I've been here since September, and relality is starting to set in. I feel that things have changed between us. When we were miles apart we fought less and did not take each other for granted. He use to tell me he love me more, and now just assume I know and does not have to show me. I have also notice more about his personality, his stubornes, lazziness and lack of dedication. I love him and want to be with him, but I guess now I am learning the true him. Sometimes I feel that he does not understand how I feel. I try to tell him that things are not the same and he just get into these moods where no matter what i say he does not care. He can be unfeeling and very selfish. The bottem line is that I am happy being with him, but the fights are getting more and more. I always thought that love conquors all and that communication was the key, but he holds grudges and sometimes when I am at fualt and appologize he still habor anger. He does not like to argue, but holds his feelings inside and is very passive agressive. I know I cannot change him, but its this side of him makes me doubt a lot of things. I just wish he would grow up already. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 I know I cannot change him, but its this side of him makes me doubt a lot of things. I just wish he would grow up already. Well, at age 23, the good news is that he will continue to change and grow up. The bad news is that it won't be in any way that you can control or predict. I'd keep that in mind before making any more long term decisions... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Hi there, and welcome to Loveshack! I am, like you, in a LDR and although I haven't moved across the country/world to be with him - I know that being together and apart are two very different things. (This should really have been in the "LDR" section of the forums...) When you met the boy online he could show you the sides of his personality that he wanted you to see. His stubordiness, laziness...those are traits you can't notice when you only get a week, a phone call or some time on MSN with someone. The distance is kind of what makes the LDR strong or weak - it's exciting to get to know someone who is so far away. It becomes like a romantic novel. However, once you moved over there - reality sat in. Perhaps his feelings for you are not as strong as he thought they were - hence he stopped saying he loved you. (NO offense here, I am saying these things do happen.) Perhaps he thought things would be different between the two of you, and painted up a picture of a relationship that couldn't measure up no matter how hard you try. Perhaps he is too "young" to be in a serious relationship - and part-time was what was attractive to him in the first place? I am sorry you gave so much up for him, it seems to have been a little rushed choice. I think you two need to sit down and TALK. Tell him that you aren't happy with "feeling the love" - you want to see some action, affection and hear him say it and mean it now and again. (Myself, I find it hard to express love in words - I am more physical, is this the case with your boyfriend, perhaps?) Boys DO mature later. You think he is 23 when in reality he just hit puberty as a guy. (Figure of speech.) Frankly, I think you might have made a mistake. The good news is that your degree won't be affected - never give a degree up for a man! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sobri821 Posted May 9, 2007 Author Share Posted May 9, 2007 I have decided that anymore plans in this relationship will not be made by me. Though I did give up alot to be with him, I am glad that atleast I am here working on my Masters degree. I have made a few new friends and have settled here nicely. I am on my way to be more independant away from this relationship. When I fist moved here he was all that I had. Since we were never together we made up for it by being together all the time. Now I want to not be with him so much. I think that is another reason why we piss and annoy each other. We need to get back t living healthy independant lives as well as being in this relationship. Also it is his turn to make choices. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 So living a part makes the relationship better...what about when the question of living together arises again? Even with more growing and maturing, it doesn't mean his habits or ways will change much, as far as being a roommate. I don't see anything wrong with continuing a relationship if you move out, but you already know what living together is like, so you should probably suggest seeing other people. Just my opinion! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sobri821 Posted May 9, 2007 Author Share Posted May 9, 2007 So living a part makes the relationship better...what about when the question of living together arises again? Even with more growing and maturing, it doesn't mean his habits or ways will change much, as far as being a roommate. I don't see anything wrong with continuing a relationship if you move out, but you already know what living together is like, so you should probably suggest seeing other people. Just my opinion! No I am not saying move away. We don't technically live together now. He has a place and I have mine but we sleep in the same bed every night. We are planning on moving in together. I just have been thinking that I notice that we spend every moment together. Mostly because I did not know anyone here and also after 10 month of being apart we want to share everything. I think now it's time to just start doing things separately. Not a break or a break up. I just want not to make the relationship the only thing I have going. Its a personall thing for me to feel more independant and not so focused on one thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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