oakstar Posted January 11, 2003 Share Posted January 11, 2003 i didn't quite know which forum to put this in, but move it as you please... ok where to start? i am a very quiet person, not shy, just not confident talking to new people.. let me explain, i have no problem going up to talk to girls, but i have this problem with my expression... i don't really know how to express myself, as in talking... i always think of things to say in my head before i talk, but they always come out stuttering, as if i'm trying to think of what to say at that moment.. when meeting new people (not specifacally women), i'm always quiet, because i'm afraid that what i want to say won't come out right.. and i know it won't. so i just don't talk. i'm confident and speak freely around my close friends and family, but even then the words don't come out right.. but they're close to me so i feel ok with that.. i think this might be a reason i can't progress a relationship, or find a good job... if anyone who understood me, could give me some advice as to what i could do.. or if anyone shares this problem, feel free to reply.. all are welcome thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
fatty Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Well the only advice i can give you is that keep on talking the way you are because, i think, this is the only way you will ever over come your problem. I dont have much to say because i have come across this. With me i just get nervous and turn into awreck. Atleast you know what to say where as i dont . or maybe it could be that you are not comfortable around girls when you talk to them when you get nervous. Try something to ease your mind. I hope this will help you but i think it will prolly not Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 13, 2003 Share Posted January 13, 2003 Just be yourself when you talk to a new person. Trust me, you are a LOT better at being who you ARE, than trying to be who you THINK they WANT you to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Tolkien Posted January 13, 2003 Share Posted January 13, 2003 Do you do this 100% of the time, or just when you are around people? If I were you, when I am home, I would just practice speaking. It may sound dumb or crazy, but I think it would help you, to hear your voice, and hear that you are not making any mistakes, you have no one to impress, and nothing to be afraid of. And eventually, you'll be just as good at speaking as you want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 13, 2003 Share Posted January 13, 2003 I hear ya! I used to never talk around new people and it not only impacted my personal life, but my career too. Here is what I did. (It is not easy, but gets better with practice) but i have this problem with my expression... i don't really know how to express myself, as in talking... i always think of things to say in my head before i talk, but they always come out stuttering, as if i'm trying to think of what to say at that moment. Let someone else make the first statement or remark or starta a conversation with a question so that the other person must say something for you to respond to. LISTEN to what they said, then repeat it back to them in your own words, and in the form of a question. This way you are expressing your interest and you don’t have to worry about thinking out your words so far in advance. Do you sometimes find that while you are thinking things in your head the conversations shifts so that what you wanted to say doesn’t fit the current conversation? People love to explain things and asking questions about others, or what others have said, is interpreted as friendly and sociable rather than talking about yourself or miscellaneous other things. You also get your clues about what to say by listening to what has just been said. The more you practice this the faster your ability to rephrase what you just heard will be. when meeting new people (not specifacally women), i'm always quiet, because i'm afraid that what i want to say won't come out right.. and i know it won't. so i just don't talk. You said “you know it won’t” and that tells me that you just lack confidence. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake – we all do it and you will live through it. You’ve lived through all your mistakes so far right? You can’t run away from the problem – that won’t solve anything and it makes it more difficult to beat. The listen/rephrase/repeat method works fantastic in any relationship or situation, including your work. I’ve used it for years now and it comes very naturally and I’ve received promotions because of it because my bosses have seen me as someone who pays attention and listens and understands, and COMMUNICATES well. Just by practicing this one technique. Pick up a book on communications, or get involved in Toastmasters, and learn more about his system. It really is helpful in giving you confidence. (Toastmasters is a public-speaking club and I’ve enjoyed it tremendously) Don’t be afraid to laugh in the wrong place, or say the wrong thing – you can always correct yourself, besides, there are probably others around who are too afraid to be themselves too and you’ll be THEIR envy! I stammer a bit still at work because my new boss can sometimes intimidate me, but it’s not very often and I am getting better with him. He stammers too, but I think he stuttered as a child. It takes practice and constant vigilance, but the rewards are so worth it. Good Luck, and you are NOT alone in this! If someone laughs - laugh along with them - you can always end your statement with "that didn't sound right! Let me put it this way. . . " Link to post Share on other sites
christin123 Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Dear friend, I think you are not confident about youself for some reasons, maybe trying to think about why is that happening will be helpful. For example the environment that you grew up in or some factors which cause this. When you know why this is happening by yourself, you will easily solve the problem. Try to read some psychology books or find an psychic advisor. If not , just trying to talk to people no matter what they think of you. Be sure to find some reason that you are really proud of. I mean what you think you can do better than others. Do you think so? Link to post Share on other sites
life suuuuux Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 I got the same exact problem. In a conversation, I'm always thinking of the next thing I'm going to say before I actually say it. It comes out perfect in my mind, then I speak and I'm like studdering and talking slooowww and choppy. I think it's becase I'm an extreme introvert. So to be able to talk smoothly, you have to force yourself to momentarily become an extrovert. If you know about psychology then you'll know what I'm talking about. In case you don't, an introvert tends to live their world by the thoughts in their mind, focusing their thoughts inwards. They usually hear that "inner voice" talking to themselves a lot. Extroverts on the other hand are focusing on the external world. Their thoughts are about the things, people, events around them. So next time your talking to someone, stop the inner voice and..well you basically gotta STOP THINKING. It seems counter intuitive but it works. Don't think. Just look and listen and obsverve the outside world. It's kinda hard and takes practice. I still gotta work on it too. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 In my marketing courses I took in college, we were taught to improve our communcation skills by practicing speaking in front of a mirror. Sounds silly, but it really works!! Link to post Share on other sites
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