confused and Sad and Miss her What to do

[confused_heart]

Hi All,

I just wanted to share my love story with you all and see if i can get some advise regarding what to do.

 

I met this wonderful girl 2 years back and started dating her. She had such a wonderful personality and I felt so happy with her. We went out for one year and we liked each other very much. She is very adorable, lovable, caring person and always laughing and makes me feel very special. I feel very very happy with her.

 

However, during our time together, i never ever had a feeling that She should be my marriage partner (neither was i looking as i was only 23 and had never thought about Marriage). In March of 2002, she asked me the question that she wants to marry me. I told her No...way. I don't see you as my marriage partner at all. Since then we broke up and she has now started to go out with my friend..

 

Also, As i started to analyze if she is a right fit for me, I feel that our values are very different, she is very much into relationships, homely kind of girl and not career oriented. I also think she is quite a silly girl and had previous boyfriends and had a accidental kiss incident with my brother. Since then her reputation in my family is quite bad. Everyone thinks she has bad character which i don't think is the case.. She is not very honest either, She is the kind of girl who would lie and not be honest just to get what she wants. I think she will bend over just to make people happy. An example of that is that she started lieing to my family regarding her religion just to impress my family that she can belong in my family. As of intellectual side, she is always been silly and we can never have a good intellectual conversation.

 

I on the other hand is a career oriented guy who wants to build a solid career and also looking that my life partner has a solid career so we are both in equality instead of Just having "Man" as the "Man of the house". I feel i am very honest and stand strong in my values. I am somewhat of a religious guy as well and later on in future wants to do some charity work..But i feel that I am missing the crazy/wild side of Me and she can fullfil that. I also think that she is smart and eventually will graduate and in terms of profession lead a succesful life and I can live a happy life with her if she comes in my life as she can suppliment what i am missing. I also wish sometimes that she shows her intellectual side to me which i know does reside inside of her which she never expresses.. She is also very caring and always been there for me when i need her (during my bad times)

 

I have already told her No and we have broken up but part of me still think that I do want her and miss her very much and i was so happy with her and I loved her and she loved me very much as well. Now she is going out with my friend and Yes I am jealous as well and on the other hand I miss her very much and wish she could come back to me.

 

For last 6 months, I have been in this confused state of mind and now since she is in my town(by the way she lives in michigan and flew to see my friend in Phoenix) and completely trying to ignore me by not calling and just hanging out with my friend, I am hurt and I have been in intense state of mind. I had never cried but now i can't seem to control my emotions and just loosing it and crying in my lonely apartment..

 

Don't know what to do......Should i try to be friends with her or should i ask her to come back to me or should i completely cut her off from my life so i can start living a normal life.......

 

Thanks folks..

[Tony T]

Completely cut her off from your life.

 

You say she lies a lot but you are not even honest with yourself. On one side of your tongue, you told her you did not see her as a marriage partner at all. On the other side of your tongue, you say you love her and want her back. So why do you want her back??? If you really love her, you will be happy that she is pursuing people, even your friend, who may be more inclined to want to make her a part of their life forever.

 

Give yourself a break. The ONLY reason you're upset now is because she is seeing your friend. If that wasn't happening, you would be paying her no mind whatsoever. These feelings are very normal under such circumstances but certainly no indication that you have loving feelings for her. These will pass...just be patient. The two of you didn't break up for no reason.

 

Just forget this lady, let her do what she wishes, and move on to find somebody who doesn't lie and somebody you are attacted to and love enough to want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

Good luck!!!

[confused_heart]

Tony, I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes and showing me direction. I think you are partially correct and from my side I was jealous which was hurting me very bad. U know after reading your post, i called her up and told her that I am very happy for her new endeavor and I care for her and I will always keep my fingers crossed for her.

 

I just am not sure if i should still be friends with her, I think i should stay away so old memories don't come back. Also I think you are correct that Life partner should be one when one is absolutely sure that this person posses all the qualities that you are looking for in a life partner and one is very sure that she is the one and have no doubts..

 

Thanks very much.. I feel much better now..

 

Any other's comments would be greatly appreciated as well..

[pinkroses]

You tell her no way, you don't see her as a marriage partner and now you're hurt that she won't give you the time of day. I don't blame her. What reason would she have to come back to you? And don't suggest the "just friends" line, that's offensive to hear after being romantically involved. She sounds like she's out husband-shopping and her character is iffy, but maybe she's a lonely, hurting person.

 

You probably are only preoccupied with her now that she's involved with your friend, but deep down you know you two don't have much in common. My advice would be to forgive yourself for hurting her, forgive her for snubbing you, and move on.