Using me?

[Heartache11]

Hi everyone. Some of you may be familiar with my story of my ex.

 

Anyways, he came to pick me up from college today. He had told me he would make a decision as to whether or not he wanted to date me today. Once we got to my room to move things out we wound up hooking up. I then asked if his answer was yes, and he said we would try. I then asked so am I your girlfriend and he said no, we are just seeing each other and trying. Things could lead from there. I expressed that I felt this was just using me until he found another girl, since we could see other people. He said he would never use me and he wouldn't purposely be looking for another girl, just in case something happened while we were out drinking or what not. We are both young and I am in college and he said he can't make the commitment but he cares about me.

 

So I am at a dilemma as to whether or not this is a second chance at rebuliding our relationship or just his attempt to use me. I tried to talk more about the situation and he wouldn't give me much input. He said he was tired and he only slept two hours the night before, we would talk another time. Still, I feel this is no excuse.

 

Well, what do you all think? I see his reasoning on being young and far away, but at the same time I have a feeling he's not sincere. It's especially hard to go to this after 2 1/2 years together in a serious relationship.

[InvisibleTouch]

By the sounds of it nothing has changed - has it?

 

You are looking for an exclusive relationship. He, for whatever reason is not in a position to give it to you. If he loved you, valued you, cared for you, respected you the energies that go with all that would fling him into your arms at great speed. The fact that he is dithering around suggests that he thinks you are some sort of object conveniently placed for his amuzement.

 

Tell him you have had a good think about things and that you now want to be friends because he doesn't have the qualities that you are looking for in a partner. That should wake him up!

[Sun_Conure]

I am in the similar situation except I am not sure if I want an exclusive relationship with my ex just yet. And reasons for the lack of exclusivity are different.

 

I do not know .. is exclusivity that necessary on initial stages of dating? I was thinking that that first relationship is dead. So now you are trying to build another one, a new one. And to build a new relationship you need to start from scratch. On initial stages of dating, people generally are not sure if they are compatible and if they want to be together seriously. Hence, not meeting too often, not expecting instant committment, etc. You see what i mean?

 

When I considered my situation, I thought that of course it would be nice to know that my ex wants to commit to me right away. And he did say that he wanted to date me, to be my man, just wants to take it slow. We had major issues when he dated initially and developed additional stuff later. So now the question is did we change? I am not sure that i want to commit to him right away. I am not sure that he is good enough, that he really changed. But I do want to date him slowly Like go out with him couple of times a week and see how things are going between us. My main issue is sex .. I kind of want to stop it but do not see how to do that or even if there is a point in doing that. I want to make sure that he is seeing me not because of sex but because he sincerely likes me. That's my dilemma.