Lauriebell82 Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Just a question to all of LS's..How long did it take you to realize that you met "the one?" For those of you who havn't experienced that, how long do you think it should take? (assuming the honeymoon period is over and you know your partner's faults) I have heard different views on the subject, and I am trying to get other opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Just a question to all of LS's..How long did it take you to realize that you met "the one?" For purposes of full disclosure, I was married to someone else for the first three years of them. Then I divorced the ex and two years later asked out a friend I'd known for five years. Five hours into our first date I knew she was "the one." We're now in our 11th years of marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 We knew after four weeks. H proposed, I said yes and we married 8 months after that. Next month is our 12 year anniversary. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 :laugh: :laugh: We were engaged two weeks after our first date and married six weeks later! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 :laugh: :laugh: We were engaged two weeks after our first date and married six weeks later! Ha, ha, C. Very funny. But you both knew each other for a long time before as friends. Also, I wanted to say that I sometimes hesitate revealing our quick courtship on here because I would generally advise against it. But we both were mature, had already gone through one divorce a piece and we KNEW without a doubt that we'd found the one in one another. And we discussed everything during those months..how to handle money, kids, etc. etc. So there were very few surprises after the wedding. And by then, we also knew that we could successfully handle conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Thanks for your replys. I guess i'm sort of torn. My friend and I were having a debate and she says that you should know right away whether or not you found the one for you. I think that is true as well. I guess i'm at a crossroads and I'm not sure what to do. Other opinions would be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 What specifically is the issue, Laurie? Maybe we can help if we knew exactly what you're trying to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 What specifically is the issue, Laurie? Maybe we can help if we knew exactly what you're trying to deal with. Well, I am a little confused I guess. I think my bf is unsure about me, and that scares the hell out of me. I want to marry him and be with him forever (not for a few more years though, I'm not in a hurry). He says he isn't ready to be married for a few more years, which is fine, because I have another year of graduate school. The part i'm confused about is that he always says how much he loves me and doesn't want to be without me. When we will talk about our future however, he uses the word "if." He'll say "If we move in together..." Which means he's unsure. And that scares me. I think he should know whether or not he sees being with me forever. He tells me that i'm too emotional because I cry and get upset. Then I think about the "He's Just not that into you" book that says he's not into you if he doesn't want to marry you. I love this man more than anything and I want to devote my life to him. I'm just have this horrible vision of myself 5 years from now, issuing my bf some horrid ultimatum that we either get married or i'm leaving. I don't ever want to have to do that, but I don't know what else to do. I'm almost 25 by the way, and my bf is 25. We have been together for 9 months, and it's very serious. I don't think it's too early to be talking like that, for as much as he says he loves me. I just am scared that if he doesn't know i'm the one for him right now, he probably never will. Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 In your case, I would stay with him and then next year when you graduate, you will be looking for jobs, right? By December you might want to start talking about where you're applying for jobs and how this is going to work with you as a couple. As far as moving in together, that would definitely be a mistake. He would take even longer to get engaged in that case. By that time it will be almost two years since you have been in a relationship so marriage is not out of line to be thinking about and if you have to bring up an ultimatum, you might have to do that at that point. If you find that he's not factoring you into his future as you bring up the topic of looking for jobs, possibly out of town or out of state...I would say it's time to move on. When you start your career, you will have opportunities to meet great men in the professional world. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 You're both young and couples are putting off marriage later and later now because of career pressures, financial considerations, etc. You only have nine months invested thus far and years to go while marriage, to him or, ultimately, someone else is still a viable option. Since neither of you are ready right now perhaps it would be best if you stopped both thinking and talking about it. Just let things follow their natural course and see how they turn out without pressure or pre-ordination. If it's any help, my wife and I were 48 and 50, respectively, when we married (not the first for either of us) and anytime before that would have been too early for both of us. If and when the time is right, you'll both know it. If it never is, you'll know that too. Take your pack off and rest awhile. You still have miles to go! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I just am scared that if he doesn't know i'm the one for him right now, he probably never will. the discernment process goes at different rates for people, and I know that in our case, it took my husband much, much longer to trust in his feelings of us as a partnership than it did me. So really, it shouldn't be so much a factor of "how long," but "how certain" you are of this particular person. I've always felt that whenever it came, it was a sure feeling about this person in the starring role of your life! don't worry about your BF ... my guess is that he's less concerned about his feelings for you, because he's figured them out, and more preoccupied with what happens next in other areas of his life. Men tend to think more along those lines in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 Thanks for your replies everyone. Actually something happened last night that was really weird and ironic, especially since I had made this thread. I would love everyone's insight and opinion on this. Okay so heres the situation: Last night my bf and I were being intimate. He told me that he loved me and that he didn't ever want to be without me. (He's told me the love part a trillion times, the never wanting to be without me part is new). So anyway, I took that to mean that he wants a future with me. I told him I didn't ever want to be without him and how much I loved him. So then later we were watching this movie, "The Pursuit of Happines" (I don't know if everyone has heard of that or not, it's about a poor father raising his son). Anyway he started half jokingly saying how he wanted to stay at home with our kids (thats right he said OUR) and that I was going to work. He was joking around with the whole scenerio thing, but he was actually talking about our future, our children. He has never ever referred to us in that type of sense before. He's always said things like "If we do this" or "When I get married and have kids." He's never linked the two together before. So later we went to bed and he brought up the future more, asking me if I still wanted to move to this small town that I grew up in when i graduate from grad school. He said that we should move there in like 2-3 years and raise a family there and asked if we could get a dog, ect. I was honestly shocked, he's never talked like this before. It's like he had some weird revelation. He didn't actually outright say he wanted to marry me, I guess it's kind of implied if he's talking about kids and moving together. Honestly it was the greatest night of my life. Today, however, he seems to be playing it more cool. He hasn't metioned anything or acted the way he did last night. He still told me he loved me, but there was something different about it last night. So I'm not going to bring up what we talked about our anything else, I would love to tell him exactly how I feel, that I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I don't know if that will be to pushy. It's good to know that he is thinking about us as a partnership, but I guess i'm backed to being a little confused. So does anyone have any suggestions? What did all this mean? Is he just going to tell me all that and than not talk about it again?I really hope he meant what he said. Or did he? Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Until his actions follow his words, then I would not take any mention of the "future" seriously. Right now, it is merely a possiblility. Don't jump on his words and hang onto them so quickly. I know us as women want a "guarantee" but nothing is ever a "guarantee". Relax and enjoy the relationship for where it is now. Link to post Share on other sites
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