behappy999 Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 This may sound stupid to some of you but hear me out-- My boyfriend is older than me and can go out to bars/nightclubs and drink and whatnot and he does so often. I'd say probably about once a week he goes out with his friends. I do things with my friends too but our activities usually do not revolve around drinking since we are underage. Usually just dinner and a movie or something... I trust my boyfriend very much and never interrogate him about who exactly he's going out with or where he goes, etc (even though I get a bit of jealousy here and there I try to keep it to myself). So anyways, a bunch of my friends want to get a huuge group of girls together and go to an 18+ club for a fun night out (there will be drinking involved). Anyways I'm really excited as most my friends live far away and I rarely get to see them, let alone a "girls night out". Ok so I haven't asked my boyfriend just yet what he thinks about me going, but for some reason I get the feeling he won't like it... thinking guys will be trying to grope me/grind on me.. If he puts up a fuss when I say I want to go, does he have a right to tell me not to? Or should I tell him he should just trust me (ive never done anything wrong) and to let me have MY fun with MY friends?? Maybe it's because I just got out of a controlling relationship that I think he has a right to say if i can't go, I don't know. What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 I wouldn't ask permission. He's your boyfriend and not your dad. If he gets jealous or whatever that's his problem not yours. Do you act stupid when you drink or something? Does it mess with your judgment? Are you going to have sex by accident? Link to post Share on other sites
LovesJim55 Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 If he can go out to clubs, you should be able to also. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Before I respond, is 18 legal drinking age where you live? Link to post Share on other sites
Author behappy999 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 No, 21 is the legal drinking age. I'll be 21 in 6 more months..I guess it doesn't matter since it's still underage. But please, do not lecture me. All us girls will probably stay the night somewhere and get a taxi or something, I'm not sure. But I drink responsibly and no I would NOT end up with another guy at the end of the night, I am sooo not like that. I love my boyfriend dearly. He wouldn't be worried about that... I think he'd more so have a problem thinking other guys are going to try dancing with me/touching me etc. But I guess you're right if he's jealous it's his problem. Like I said before, I watch him go out everyweekend to the bars with his single friends who all they do is hit on other girls and the bartenders... (according to him) but I trust him that he's not doing the same thing or flirting with girls so.. I want to have fun with my friends and should be trusted right? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 My suggestion: Tell him what you're planning, on what day you're going, and where you're going. Then give him the opportunity to ask questions, or air any problems he might have. If he's concerned for your safety, then give reassurance (ie: that you have a cell phone and will call if you have any problems, that friends will be with you, that you won't drink from any glass that hasn't been in your possession every second). If he says he doesn't want you to go because of other men groping you, or he won't discuss why he doesn't want you to go, then explain to him that you have shown you trust him when he goes out with his friends, and you are asking for the same respect from him. Don't degrade this into a "you do it, so I should get to do it too". This is about respect and trust. He either respects your need to do this, and trusts you enough to give his blessing, or he doesnt'. There's no "he allows you" or doesn't allow you. Communicate as clearly as you can with him, answer his questions to the best of your ability.. treat the situation (at the beginning) as though he's just a person who is concerned for your safety. If he can't be convinced by rational communication, then it's him who has the problem. Not you. and you'll need to figure out if he's being a hypocritical b**tard who has double standards and dump him, or live with the way things are. Link to post Share on other sites
GregsBad Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 I have two questions? If you are able to go to a club with the girls ... Why not go to a club with HIM? Also, if he won't take you to the club(s) he goes to - then there is a reason. What's the reason? Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Also, if he won't take you to the club(s) he goes to - then there is a reason. What's the reason? Wow, even *I* can answer that and I'm the OP. Because her BF goes to clubs that are 21 and over and she's not yet 21. So then the better question is, "why won't he go to clubs that are 18+ instead of 21+?" Can you ask him to go to clubs with you? Anyway, just go. He has no right to say you can't go. Enjoy yourself and your friends. Also, I'm not saying you're crazy but I do think that some counseling will help you learn to assert yourself and avoid controlling relationships (I'm not saying your BF is controlling, I'm just saying it's worrisome that you say, "I just got out of a controlling relationship that I think he has a right to say if i can't go, I don't know."). Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
goxcrazy19 Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 99.5% of teen DRINK alcohol before reaching legal age! some laws are ment to be broken! go out and have a good time! Link to post Share on other sites
goxcrazy19 Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 OK so here is the thing.im just in the same position as you are. Im 8 months away from my 21st bday! my boyfriend older than me, (old enough to drink=) I was worried before how is this going to work out, him going out w.o me, and me going totally diff places. But you know what its all bull****.If your in seriouse relationship with him and you respect each other, than you guys should go places together, and if he really loves you, he is going to wait till you turn 21 and than go out with you and his friends.Sure its ok to have girls nite out and boys nite out once in a while.But as for now he should just go places, where you can get in, he shouldnt leave you to go to club or bar 21 and over where you cant get in...sorry but this is bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
GregsBad Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 Because her BF goes to clubs that are 21 and over and she's not yet 21. But she probably can go in - and drink non-alcoholic beverages. There was a reaon I asked this. Some guys try to keep their various GFs from walking into their hunting grounds. Let one GF know about one haunt, another GF know about another. If he's going to meat shops ... flirting etc ... picking up (or at least trying) then theres no way he could let sweet young BEHAPPY show up at that scene. He might even be thinking of a way outa this tight spot before she's finally 21. Wow, even *I* can answer that A little Freudian slip there Katie ... typical remark from one who is used to being treated like she's kinda dumb and I'm the OP. Uh - no ... you're not the OP. - somone else was (but I know what you meant) Link to post Share on other sites
GregsBad Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 This may sound stupid to some of you but hear me out-- ... I trust my boyfriend very much and never interrogate him ... ... Anyways I'm really excited as most my friends live far away and I rarely . ... If he puts up a fuss when I say I want to go, does he have a right to tell me not to? Sweetie .... please please listen to me. You're prime prey for a controlling male. STOP IT And you're way too young to be in a serious relationship anyway! I know I'll draw some fire for this, but I'm RIGHT. You should be having fun, playing the field. If there's any sex ... be safe. Don't get knocked up and dont catch anything. But DON"T be monogamous yet. Work hard on your career and future. (need more time to find who you are) Just be a hot babe for now ... Play hard! and don't let any young man get you tied down yet. Link to post Share on other sites
GregsBad Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 One more thing ... If you take my advice .... They real guy of your dreams ... he's probably working on his carreer and future right now ... and having fun sowing some wild oats. Gaining enough experience and wherewithall so he can earn your love and respect. He dosen't know who he is yet and needs a few more years. He doesn't know you yet either. Then later on, years from now, when you meet him. You'll think of ME! GregsBad. And you say, "Who was that masked-man ... I didn't get a chance to say thanks!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author behappy999 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 We have actually gone to clubs together that were 18+ but only a few times. His friends have their favorite bars so when I'm out with my friends he usually gets dragged along with them I guess and he has bars downtown he likes going to too. Just because I came into his life I don't expect him to take me everywhere/be with me everyday you know? We both need friends only time.. I know if I was old enough he'd be taking me, we hang out with his friends all the time. I have no problem him going to a club with me, but this weekend is a girls only thing. Walk-- Thanks for the suggestion it's really great I think I will take that approach when I bring it up to him later this week.. any other opinions?! Link to post Share on other sites
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