alphamale Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Word. Girls get way too wrapped up in these timelines. A month is plenty long to wait. Nowadays waiting a month to have sex is akin to waiting a year to have sex 50 years ago Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Nowadays waiting a month to have sex is akin to waiting a year to have sex 50 years ago Word. Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I disagree with that. I like Greg Behrendt's rule of thumb...two months. Enough to really get to know each other and have a bf/gf relationship. Otherwise it becomes too sexually based rather than emotionally and intellectually based (feelings). Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 SG, do you two have plans to go out, again? Or are you simply waiting for the proverbial call? I hope you have plans and things are not left hanging. There's often a fair amount of anxiety early on--especially when bodily fluids are exchanged those first few times. I don't want to speculate that he's pulling away because of "buyer's regret." I simply don't have enough info. Whatever you do, stay connected with him whether through phone, email, IM, carrier pigeon. He sounds like a keeper. Good luck, girl. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I disagree with that. I like Greg Behrendt's rule of thumb...two months. Enough to really get to know each other and have a bf/gf relationship. Otherwise it becomes too sexually based rather than emotionally and intellectually based (feelings). hahaha funny you mention that T&J but a new research study came out about a month ago. it showed that couples today who have sex on the first date end up having a relationship that lasts as long (on avg) as all other relationships. so today it doesn't really matter when you do the horizontal bop, the outcome is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I disagree with that. I like Greg Behrendt's rule of thumb...two months. Enough to really get to know each other and have a bf/gf relationship. Otherwise it becomes too sexually based rather than emotionally and intellectually based (feelings). Not necessarily. I slept with my current SO a month and a half in to the relationship, and everyone, me included thought it was a bit odd. SG, I think tis guy sounds great. I absolutely love little gestures like him running out to get you coffee and putting a program you like on tv Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I don't really care about "statistics" and such, I do it because it's more fun and satisfying to wait. And I do find the relationship more meaningful for myself. I just like to know the guy, 'ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I absolutely love little gestures like him running out to get you coffee and putting a program you like on tv yea ALLINA....he sounds like real "nice guy" Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 yea ALLINA....he sounds like real "nice guy" I'm not sure what you mean here Alpha Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I don't really care about "statistics" and such, I do it because it's more fun and satisfying to wait. And I do find the relationship more meaningful for myself. I just like to know the guy, 'ya know? well I like to get sex as fast a possible....it helps me to make my determination as to whether I'll stick around or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Not necessarily. I slept with my current SO a month and a half in to the relationship, and everyone, me included thought it was a bit odd. SG, I think tis guy sounds great. I absolutely love little gestures like him running out to get you coffee and putting a program you like on tv What do you mean, it was a bit odd? Who's everyone? You told all your family members when you decided to have sex? Since when do other people matter in the decision to have sex? I hope you don't base your sex life on what other people think. SG, has he called today? Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 well I like to get sex as fast a possible....it helps me to make my determination as to whether I'll stick around or not. Me getting to know if they aren't a jerk and if they are nice, intelligent, and have character are my determinations to whether I'll stick around. Besides, if you have sex instantly...it's usually not the best, anyway. Try waiting a month at least and there's a lot more passion and desire built up, it's a lot more fun. You base future dating on one night of sex? In addition, it's usually the guy who has the "issues" in bed, not the woman. (premature ejac, ED) What's wrong with anticipation? In my experience, I've never had problems with waiting a few weeks to get to know someone. I've never had a (quality) guy dump me because I wouldn't put out right away and on his terms. If he's like that, he's an arse and good riddance. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 What do you mean, it was a bit odd? Who's everyone? You told all your family members when you decided to have sex? Since when do other people matter in the decision to have sex? I hope you don't base your sex life on what other people think. Whoa there, I think you took what i said incorrectly. I do not base sexual decisions on what others think. However, in that situation I thought it was odd that we were an official couple for a month and a half before having sex. I spoke to my friends about it (women talk to their friends about sex) and they agreed that it was uncommon. Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernT Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Baby don't worry... 'bout a thing... cuz every little thing... gonna be alright... lol......Rise up this morning...smile at the rising sun...three little birds...sit by my door step...singing sweet songs... of melodies pure and true...saying..this is my message to you...singing dont worry...about a thing...cause every little thing..gonna be alright... Star...all you can do is have faith at this point. What you want right now is to controll the outcome of this. You cant do that and it makes you nervous. Believe me..I know the feeling. In love, everything is based on chance. Whether or not it turns out to be what we want....we cant control that. (to a certain degree of course...) No matter how long you make a guy wait, there will ALWAYS be the chance that its not going to work out. And that really doesnt have much to do with the fact that you had sex with the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 So...ummm .... has he called yet? I'm right there with you SG. I do the exact same thing whenever I sleep with a guy for the first time. I work myself into a total panic thinking he's lost respect for me and will never call again. I like to conisder myself adorably neurotic. The worst I ever worked myself up was after I slept with my ex-husband for the first time. We had only been dating for 2 weeks and I thought he would think I was easy and I would never hear from him again. When he didn't call me the next day I was convinced I was right. That night at work three pink roses were delivered to my work with a card that said, "Thank you for such a special night." Now lets ignore the fact that my marriage tanked and just relish in the fact that I was wrong and had worried over nothing. Good luck and hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 That night at work three pink roses were delivered to my work with a card that said, "Thank you for such a special night." A75 was he too cheap to send a whole dozen? Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernT Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 A75 was he too cheap to send a whole dozen? Thats so mean. Guys just dont realize that it's the SMALL things that count with women. I would rather get a single rose delivered from a guy who really cares than to get a dozen roses from an A**hole. (and NO I am not calling you an A**hole Alpha) Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 A75 was he too cheap to send a whole dozen? AH HAH !!! You're right. No wonder the marriage failed. I should have seen it coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 No, he has not called yet...but I'm not worried YET. He has, however, texted me...but more in response to mine (those I already mentioned, maybe some others I discussed privately) and also sent me a joke this morning about having forgotten my toothbrush on the counter. (And now I'm worried I look like I'm trying to mark my territory or something!!!) Thing is, I just left his house yesterday (Sunday) at noon, and he has a job where he can't exactly chit-chat while he's working... I'm not sure when to really expect a phone call, even assuming he wants to call to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 No, he has not called yet...but I'm not worried YET. He has, however, texted me...but more in response to mine (those I already mentioned, maybe some others I discussed privately) and also sent me a joke this morning about having forgotten my toothbrush on the counter. (And now I'm worried I look like I'm trying to mark my territory or something!!!) Thing is, I just left his house yesterday (Sunday) at noon, and he has a job where he can't exactly chit-chat while he's working... I'm not sure when to really expect a phone call, even assuming he wants to call to begin with. I'd say give him atleast another twenty four hours before you get your panties in a bunch. Don't call or text him at all. Give him a chance to get in touch with you. This isn't to play games but I think allowing him to initiate the next contact will do alot to relieve your fears. At this point you feel like he is just responding. Give him a chance to show you otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 I'm not trying to put a blindly positive spin on things but, this guy seems like he is pretty interested in you and he probably has a bit running through his mind as well. You mentioned before that he was the more affectionate/expressive half here, it is likely that he doesn't want to come on to strong and scare you away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 I'm not trying to put a blindly positive spin on things but, this guy seems like he is pretty interested in you and he probably has a bit running through his mind as well. You mentioned before that he was the more affectionate/expressive half here, it is likely that he doesn't want to come on to strong and scare you away. THAT is what's so weird about this! He totally is the more expressive person, so to have little-to-no expression now - of all the times - is very confusing for me. I have absolutely no doubt that he was interested in me and felt a connection (at least prior to us sleeping together). I guess based on his previous behavior, I almost expected him to be over-the-top with "mushy" stuff the morning-after. Something else I should add: At one point during our little text conversation he said he had had a great time, etc., to which I said "I'm glad to hear that, I wasn't sure what you were thinking..." and then he said, "You worry too much. Just go with the flow, it usually leads to great things..." What do you think that means??? I'm back to being upset again. Even while at work, he usually would have texted me by now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 THAT is what's so weird about this! He totally is the more expressive person, so to have little-to-no expression now - of all the times - is very confusing for me. I have absolutely no doubt that he was interested in me and felt a connection (at least prior to us sleeping together). I guess based on his previous behavior, I almost expected him to be over-the-top with "mushy" stuff the morning-after. Something else I should add: At one point during our little text conversation he said he had had a great time, etc., to which I said "I'm glad to hear that, I wasn't sure what you were thinking..." and then he said, "You worry too much. Just go with the flow, it usually leads to great things..." What do you think that means??? I'm back to being upset again. Even while at work, he usually would have texted me by now.... As a guy, here's what I think he means: "You worry too much. Just go with the flow, it usually leads to great things..." Relax, SG. Don't let him see you sweat. Be cool. Play it cool. I suspect he'll stick around if you don't spook him with your anxious ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 As a guy, here's what I think he means: "You worry too much. Just go with the flow, it usually leads to great things..." Relax, SG. Don't let him see you sweat. Be cool. Play it cool. I suspect he'll stick around if you don't spook him with your anxious ways. And by 'play it cool,' what EXACTLY do you mean??? Don't contact him at all? Even though we text all day, everyday, and talk every night?? Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Yes, I definitely would let him initiate all contact for a while. Perhaps he's read some "Keep Your Cool After Sex" article on men.com or something. It sounds like some strategy I've read off there. Link to post Share on other sites
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