longlaffer Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 So, my loving man in a committed relationship, feels that love and marriage are all about being best friends. After the infatuation wears off (in less than a year) you become companions with benefits. I DON'T THINK SO! I expect loving words, close physical connection and intimate times EVERY day! He thinks I am NUTS! We love each other but don't seem to be able to come to terms with this. I need more than a roomate who loves me. He thinks he doesn't need to tell me he loves me because I should KNOW! He does everything for me. He only wants me to be happy. ...and my happiness comes from loving acts... I am his family and I think he feels this is enough. What's going on. Who is offbase here? longlaffer Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 So, my loving man in a committed relationship, feels that love and marriage are all about being best friends. After the infatuation wears off (in less than a year) you become companions with benefits. I DON'T THINK SO! I expect loving words, close physical connection and intimate times EVERY day! He thinks I am NUTS! We love each other but don't seem to be able to come to terms with this. I need more than a roomate who loves me. He thinks he doesn't need to tell me he loves me because I should KNOW! He does everything for me. He only wants me to be happy. ...and my happiness comes from loving acts... I am his family and I think he feels this is enough. What's going on. Who is offbase here? longlaffer You're not on the same page as far as physical and emotional needs are concerned... This is a very hard situation for both of you. It will be hard to change him (I truly doubt it) so you need to change your own expectations. If you are nagging and clingy, you will eventually lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Who is offbase here? Eight months is a drop in the bucket. A good marriage takes a lot of work and that means romancing one another daily, just in small, meaningful ways. "Settling-in" after less than a year tells me he either doesn't know what true love is, is incapable of true love or just isn't that into you. That was me in my first marriage which, unfortunately, lasted 25 years. The romance came and went but for the better part of the last 12-13 years was absent and the marriage ended, later than it should have. I lost the will and I'm not sure the ex ever really had it. By contrast, I've now been married going-on 11 years to my friend and the pheromone-driven honeymoon period lasted about six years, despite my wife's dire prediction, based upon prior experience, that it would likely last only six weeks to six months. We've both "calmed down" since the beginning but we still both work to keep the romance alive and out relationship vital, exciting and rewarding. Given what you've written I'd definitely consider couple's counseling. If he won't participate then get some individual counseling for yourself. It might help you see things in perspective. Being best friends is wonderful. It's what my wife was to me for five years before we ever even dated. It's what we were when we did date and it's what we've remained since we married. However, we're also partners, spouses, lovers and most of all, still in love and still committed. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Eight months is a drop in the bucket. A good marriage takes a lot of work and that means romancing one another daily, just in small, meaningful ways. "Settling-in" after less than a year tells me he either doesn't know what true love is, is incapable of true love or just isn't that into you. That was me in my first marriage which, unfortunately, lasted 25 years. The romance came and went but for the better part of the last 12-13 years was absent and the marriage ended, later than it should have. I lost the will and I'm not sure the ex ever really had it. By contrast, I've now been married going-on 11 years to my friend and the pheromone-driven honeymoon period lasted about six years, despite my wife's dire prediction, based upon prior experience, that it would likely last only six weeks to six months. We've both "calmed down" since the beginning but we still both work to keep the romance alive and out relationship vital, exciting and rewarding. Given what you've written I'd definitely consider couple's counseling. If he won't participate then get some individual counseling for yourself. It might help you see things in perspective. Being best friends is wonderful. It's what my wife was to me for five years before we ever even dated. It's what we were when we did date and it's what we've remained since we married. However, we're also partners, spouses, lovers and most of all, still in love and still committed. miracle both sides have to be honest, loyal, spiritual, no cheating, I thought that was just a unreachable dream:p good for you Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 It may be a miracle but you're spot-on about the necessary ingredients. If it could happen for us it can happen for anyone who really wants it and is willing to invest the necessary time and effort in it. Rare, perhaps, but decidedly not unreachable. Our wish for everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
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