kaveets Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 My boyfriend and I had dated for a year and a half and the entire time I was not allowed to meet his daughter because his ex wife would freak out and he was not willing to stand up to her for our relationship He would often put my feelings aside for them and he actually made me hide one day when the ex came over! So, I was fed up with that and we broke up for 3 months, I realized he was not ready to move on from the past and have a relationship with me. So, during the 3 months, he kept trying to contact me but, I ignored it. I knew not to go back into that pattern. Finally after 3 months, I spoke w/ him. He told me that he didn't want to be with out me and that he had done some changes and was ready to be with me and he knew he was wrong before. So, to prove it to me, he asked me to marry him 5 days after we got back together! I now hang out with his daughter all the time and he told his ex that he is getting remarried. He stands up for me and our relationship in everyway-- EXCEPT, he will not tell his 4 yr old daughter that we are getting married. She actually asked him and he said no that we were not getting married. It is really insulting to me. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? He won't even put his arm around me or hold my hand when she is around. It's not like I'm asking him to make out with me or only pay attention to me. I actually get a long REALLY well with his daughter, we are close. But I don't feel that he needs to deny that we are getting married to anyone! Some times, I feel like I'm her nanny or her playmate, rather than his fiance. I know that a lot of this stems from my past feelings of being hidden from his ex and daughter for a year and a half because that REALLY hurt me. But when I rationally bring my feelings to him, he FLIPS out and says I'm insecure. Any advice please? Did I mention that he is not yet divorced? He is legally separated. And for the last month and a half he says that he is going to file, but something always comes up with the lawyers. He still has not filed. I can't even pick a wedding date till he does and he knows how important this is to me. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 I now hang out with his daughter all the time and he told his ex that he is getting remarried. Are you sure he told his ex that he's getting remarried? He stands up for me and our relationship in everyway-- EXCEPT, he will not tell his 4 yr old daughter that we are getting married. She actually asked him and he said no that we were not getting married. It is really insulting to me. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? No, you're not making too big a deal out of nothing. There's a problem there, a big problem, if he won't tell her that you're engaged. He won't even put his arm around me or hold my hand when she is around. It's not like I'm asking him to make out with me or only pay attention to me. I actually get a long REALLY well with his daughter, we are close. But I don't feel that he needs to deny that we are getting married to anyone! Some times, I feel like I'm her nanny or her playmate, rather than his fiance. Pay attention to your concerns. That's your gut instinct telling you there's something wrong, that you can't be happy with the current situation because he is hiding this from his daughter, and because you can't act naturally around her. I know that a lot of this stems from my past feelings of being hidden from his ex and daughter for a year and a half because that REALLY hurt me. But when I rationally bring my feelings to him, he FLIPS out and says I'm insecure. Any advice please? That he won't even listen to you about this issue is a huge red flag. You are the woman he is supposedly going to spend the rest of his life with. He should not only be willing to listen to your concerns, but he should be willing to do something instead of blaming you and accusing you of being insecure --- especially when his past and present behavior are what is making you insecure. Did I mention that he is not yet divorced? He is legally separated. And for the last month and a half he says that he is going to file, but something always comes up with the lawyers. He still has not filed. I can't even pick a wedding date till he does and he knows how important this is to me. What should I do? I'm sorry, but it's time to break up with him, this time for good. This is ridiculous. No wonder he won't tell his daughter you are getting married. He is still married and making NO MOVE to get a divorce!! Stop letting him jerk you around like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaveets Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 I thank you for taking the time to answer my posting. Thank you for your advice. Since that posting, I spoke to him about it and was very strong. He made the changes necessary. He said he does not want to be with out me and he is right that he should not be afraid to tell her So, he now acts like my fiance in front of her. I am sure that he told his ex wife because her and I have actually spoken on the phone about it among other things. He does not deny that we are getting married to his daughter. And he has an appt with his lawyer to file for divorce today! We are also seeking therapy! Hopefully this all works out. It seems like he took me seriously Link to post Share on other sites
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