Ok so I guess I proposed to him

[curiousnycgirl]

My b/f and I have been dating for 3 years - he is 50 and I am 42, neither of us has been married before. We have had our ups and downs like all couples, but overall we are very happy and basically in a committed relationship. While not a frequent topic of conversation - we have discussed the fact that we would end up married.

 

The challenge is he has always wanted to get married as his parents did - in Vienna, which is a lovely thought, but there are a few problems with it. 1. money is tight - he has just started a new business, and it will be a while until things really take off. 2. he wants to plan it around hunting for a specific bird - and the season is 2 weeks in May - I don't think I want to wait another year. 3. he is NOT a planner - he really never thinks ahead at all - guess that's my job.

 

So last week I suggested that rather than getting married in Vienna, perhaps he would like to get married next month when we visit his son in California - that way his son, daughter in law and grand daughter can all be there. I think he was a bit taken aback - granted this did come out of nowhere - and told me (after a long silence) that he would think about it.

 

I am taking this as a positive thing - "I will think about it" is way better than "No." Now I guess I just have to sit it out and wait. Generally when I make a suggestion he doesn't answer at all - but when the time comes, he just does what I suggested - of course this one is a major biggie - but I am assuming it will be the same here. I'll know when the time comes - either way.

 

My only big concern is what if he says no? I am not inclined to end it then, but I am thinking that would be a huge thing wouldn't it? to say no to getting married would probably be a deal breaker in most peoples' books wouldn't it?

 

Gosh I'm concerned I've shot myself in the foot!

[tanbark813]

My only big concern is what if he says no? I am not inclined to end it then, but I am thinking that would be a huge thing wouldn't it? to say no to getting married would probably be a deal breaker in most peoples' books wouldn't it?

 

He would be saying no to getting married next month, not no to getting married in general. Don't do the typical female thing and turn it into something it's not.

 

If you guys have been together 3 years already, what would be the big deal about waiting a year to get married? It seems like that would be a better option than trying to squeeze all the planning into a month.

[curiousnycgirl]

Thank you Tanbark - and I agree, which is why I said I would not be inclinded to end it then. But the validation is very much appreciated.

 

There would be no major planning or anything - I for one fully intend on a true elopement just decide to do it, get the license and get done with it! Otherwise my family is impossible and would simply make the whole planning period all about them and their drama - no thanks! Other than Vienna - he's never really said what he would like, so I don't really know.

 

I've already checked (before I made the suggestion) an out of state resident can easily get married in California and there is no waiting period once you get the license.

 

I guess I'll just have to wait and see - but now I'm really curious!

[Enema]

Don't get your hopes up lady.

 

My initial reaction was, "I'll think about it" ? oh, he wants to think of a diplomatic way to say no.

 

But as Tan mentioned, that doesn't mean not ever.

 

Good luck!

[curiousnycgirl]

Enema -

 

Thanks for the input - any and all is welcomed and appreciated. I think I'm ready for no - I'm still confident we'll end up doing it at some point - still thought it would be nice to do it with his son there, alas he (the son) is being deployed to Iraq this summer, so it's next month or G-d only knows when!