One week before separation

[notspiritual]

My wife is moving to another country in one week. We have signed the separation papers but we still need to live together during one week. I need some advice on how to behave during this last week and how to cope with the separation.

 

Our interactions are friendly. I loved my wife so much. I gave her everything and wanted to give her even more. I did not have to but I offered my financial help to save her sick Grand-Mother because there was no one else my wife could turn to. I was able, during the most difficult time of my life, to help the person who despised me the most as the least spiritual guy on earth without a once of compassion.

 

I am still young (29), have no children and have a great career in front of me. But I feel very down. Any advice?

[vegetarianqt]

You sound like a man who really puts his love in action. This sounds weird because she was your wife, but while you live with her this last week, treat her as a sister. (you know, someone you love but attach no romantic feelings towards) You have to protect your heart so when she leaves you can really start moving on. Yes, you have emotional baggage but there is no physical baggage (children, alimony) and you're young. It is the end of something but it doesn't mean you can't close this chapter of your life and create new beginnings. You have a lot of love to give. I promise someone out there has the ability and desire to receive that kind of love. It's a good thing because she's leaving the country. You literally can start all over.

 

I have a friend who recently got divorced and she painted the rooms of her house and got rid of any reminder of her ex. She even gave away her two dogs. The point is that you have to start new. And the fact that she is leaving the country is a good thing because you won't have to deal with running into the past when you're trying to create a new future without her.

[notspiritual]

Thanks vegetarianqt for your advice.

 

She keeps playing games and has a bitchy attitude. I really don't want to fight with her but she always try to induce me into an argument with her. It is exhausting. Why does she do that? I gave her all she wanted in the separation agreement.

 

She has this attitude that says "You are happy now, don't you? You wanted to get rid of me" OMG, she is telling all her family and friends that I dumped her. While I am the one who got dumped and who wanted to fix the marriage. It is difficult for me to be indifferent to that.

[notspiritual]

OMG she thinks I am trying to win her back and act bitchy. I am not trying to win her back, I am just a friendly human being. In what world is she living right now? All she can talk about is what dress she needs to buy to go an art exhibition where the artist promised to paint her. I don't care it is not my business, but it is very scary to witness that.

 

I want her so out of my life.

[notspiritual]

Please help, how do you cope with forced cohabitation. All I want is peace to the end.

[Gunny376]

Just let it go ~ find ways of keeping yourself busy and occupied. This next week might be a good week to work late at the office, etc. If it gets too bad, get either her or yourself a hotel room. Quit worrying about her and her crap ~ just keep positive and moving.

 

When they're in this mode ~ they'll say or do anything. The week before I shipped my XW back to the States from Okinawa ~ she was the same way.

 

I asked her, "Don't you remember when it was good ~ the sex, the love, the relationship?"

 

She paused for a moment, cocked her head to one side, and said, "Yes,......................but I wasn't married to those guys!" :eek:

 

It was on!!!

 

I said, "I know the sex was good, becuase you kept screaming my name!"

 

She said, "I was screaming your name to keep from laughing in your face!"

 

"Fine!" I said! "I'm going to go fine me some new puddin'" to which she said, "If you had two more inches you could have found some new puddin' here!"

 

My point being ~ yea she's crazy for leaving ~ but man just let her go! Just keep your mouth shut and let her go!

 

I realize you've an MBA etc ~ but when it comes to matching wits with women they're quicker, faster, and better at it than we are!

 

Just let her go Bro ~ just let her go!

[Gunny376]

After careful consideration and review ~ it is my professional opinion that your DW has FBS ~ Flakey Broad Syndrone. She's gone completely "Daffy Duck. Looney Tunes!"

 

 

"dadadadadaddadda~that's all Folks!" woooohhhhoooooo!

 

I feel for you Bro! I've been where you at! That week before I sent the Hex back to the States was one of the longest weeks of my life!

[notspiritual]

I feel for you Bro! I've been where you at! That week before I sent the Hex back to the States was one of the longest weeks of my life!

I am so glad you understand me.

 

OMG, I let her organize a party for her departure on saturday with her friends in my apartment. Don't know what to do on that day, I don't want to be there but at the same, I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

[michael's_pain]

I am so glad you understand me.

 

OMG, I let her organize a party for her departure on saturday with her friends in my apartment. Don't know what to do on that day, I don't want to be there but at the same, I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

 

That's OK, notspiritual, my WW who has cheated on me is a piano teacher hosting a recital on Saturday. I just found out about the affair last Saturday, and she wanted me to be at the recital -- with the OM!!!

 

There is a greater chance of my nose hair spontaneously combusting than of me being at that recital -- where everyone thinks the teacher's been spurned by her unfeeling hubby, and no one knows she's been "on the cheating side of town."

 

Advice? Stay away from the apartment and Saturday's party, where reality will be obscured by her denial and convoluted mindset. On Saturday, I plan to hang with friends, eat good food, and play sports. If you lived closer to DC I'd invite you.

[notspiritual]

She will only leave in 2 weeks instead of 1 week as planned.

 

I am helping her write an application letter to get into a school, I worked hard on it, I know how to write these stuff to get into the best school. Instead of a thank you word she said, "what a stupid letter, are you making fun of me?" It is in my best interest to get her into some school, I dont want her to count on me once she find out that one year from now she'd still be nowhere in her financial life.

 

A phone conversation today.

Me: hello, I noticed there were 3 wierd money withdrawals from my checking account, do you know what XYZ could be?

Her: Maybe it is the food shopping I did yesterday.

Me: But it looks very wierd, it is 3 times the same amount, maybe it is a mistake.

Her: Stop accusing me, I am not stealing from you. She starts yelling: blah blah blah

Me: I am not accusing you, I just try to understand what is going in the checking account.

Her: Keeps yelling"blah blah blah"

Me: Keep your voice down please.

Her: Keeps yelling

Me: I hang off.

 

Tomorrow we will cancel our common checking account, thanks god she still agrees to do that.

 

I got home, she insists that I come to her party. I say "no thanks".

 

 

PS: michael_pain, thanks for your kind words.

[hurting_in_nw]

Yeah screw that dude...throw your own party.

[notspiritual]

She thinks she is on the top of the world. She focuses on trivial things like her new indian cook book, her art exhibition, her party. I hope she will be fine. I hope she has a plan when money will run out. I feel so much pity for her when she hangs on her separation contract as if I will not pay the maintenance support I promised. I would have given her everything if she had waited just one more year for me to be debt-free.

 

I am sad to see her like that. I miss the old her. I have already forgiven her for everything but it is not an option for me to take her back in her current state of mind. She saw how fast I wanted to get the papers and thinks that I wanted to get rid of her. The truth is that I needed to protect myself against her insanity while it is still not too late.

 

Is there a chance that she will come back to reality?

How long will it take? Will she ever regret anything?

 

 

A few more days in this hell before I am free from her.

[hurting_in_nw]

Is there a chance that she will come back to reality?How long will it take? Will she ever regret anything?

 

You need to start facing the reality that you may never get answers to these questions. Until you realize that, even if you are free from her physically, she will continue to keep you from achieving your full potential.

[notspiritual]

My STBXW has rewritten the whole story of our marriage making me look very bad. The reason I am able to keep my sanity and retain my composure in the middle of this is because I just see her as my buddy. A rude and insane buddy but still a buddy.

 

She invited her aunt and cousin form the US to stay with us for 2 or 3 days next Wednesday. I am supposed to act as if nothing happened between us because it could jeopardize her grand-mother health if she learned that we separated. Another crazy detail is we never met them before!!! She wanted to meet them before she leaves the US.

[notspiritual]

Being friendly, I am able to grab details on the story that she would tell her friends and family to explain her decision to divorce. Let me share some of her thoughts.

 

She: I will tell my friends that I met you because I had a very bad karma but thanks to my meditation practice I have been able to purify my karma and can now leave you. You told my religion was a sect and that the master is a sexual abuser, you are not spiritual.

Me (thinking): I never did what she claims, just presenting facts, and questioning the religious group because I cared for her and wanted to protect her.

 

Me: What other reasons will you tell them?

She: You never worked on helping me come to the US.

Me: Immigration bureaucracy is very complicated.

She: It is your fault; you should have been more proactive.

Me (thinking): I did marry you so you can stay with me in the US, isn’t that enough?

 

Me: How long have you been thinking of divorcing me?

She: It has been 6 weeks ago. I entered in a period of reflection

Me: is it when you wrote to a friend that you met someone in your meditation session twice as better than me because he was more spiritual and more handsome.

She: Yes, and this friend wrote me back that I am not being fair to you because you were helping me to study here. This friend does not write to me anymore. Another friend said she was in shock to hear that but that it must have been very difficult for me.

 

Me: what else convinced you to leave me?

She: Your friends and family. They judge me.

Me: can you give me an example?

She: When you left to the US, your mother asked me if it is not going to be too hard to live alone.

Me: Well, what is wrong with that? I think she was really concerned for you

She: She was judging me because I stayed in your apartment while you were in the US. Your other friend judged me too when I came back from my cousin’s wedding in our home country?

Me: How did she judge you?

She: She asked me if the wedding was nice!

Me: So what, it is just a natural question everyone would ask.

She: I sensed in her voice that she criticized me for staying so long away from my husband because she is a submitted wife.

Me: Are you reading people’s thought now? Why are you interpreting everything so negatively?

She: I know she judged me.

 

She: To divorce you is the best decision I made in my life. Do not hope that this one year of separation will change my mind, for me it is the end. I feel like I am going out of prison.

Me (thinking): It is the best decision you made in MY life, I am very grateful for that, you are really my best buddy. Maybe it looked like a prison for you, but I still had to pay to rent the prison cells for the last 4 years.

 

If my STBXW has descent friends to tell her story to, I hope they will slap her in her face to wake her up. The problem is, the STBXW will get rid of her friends if they do not agree with her. She had done that that with three of her friends since I know her, going Non-Contact with them without giving a single explanation to them. That was so rude, I told her not to do that, she said “life is short, I don’t want to waste time with people who aren’t worth it”. One of these friends was her cousin she grew up with and went to her wedding, another is a friend of 7 years and the last is a 4 months friend she met in her English class.

[NSpiritual]

My STBXW has rewritten the whole story of our marriage making me look very bad. The reason I am able to keep my sanity and retain my composure in the middle of this is because I just see her as my buddy. A rude and insane buddy but still a buddy.

 

She invited her aunt and cousin form the US to stay with us for 2 or 3 days next Wednesday. I am supposed to act as if nothing happened between us because it could jeopardize her grand-mother health if she learned that we separated. Another crazy detail is we never met them before!!! She wanted to meet them before she leaves the US.

 

(PS: I had to switch account, I don't know why I had to wait 24h-48h for my posts to be visible with the NonSpiritual acount)

[NSpiritual]

Being friendly, I can grab details on the story that she would tell her friends and family to explain her decision to divorce. Let me share some of her thoughts.

 

She: I will tell my friends that I met you because I had a very bad karma but thanks to my meditation practice I have been able to purify my karma and can now leave you. You told my religion was a sect and that the master is a sexual abuser, you are not spiritual.

Me (thinking): I never did what she claims, just presenting facts, and questioning the religious group because I cared for her and wanted to protect her.

 

Me: What other reasons will you tell them?

She: You never worked on helping me come to the US.

Me: Immigration bureaucracy is very complicated.

She: It is your fault; you should have been more proactive.

Me (thinking): I did marry you so you can stay with me in the US, isn’t that enough?

 

Me: How long have you been thinking of divorcing me?

She: 6 weeks ago. I entered in a period of reflection.

Me: is it when you wrote to a friend that you met someone in your meditation session twice as better than me because he was more spiritual and more handsome.

She: Yes, and this friend wrote me back that I am not being fair to you because you were helping me to study here. This friend does not write to me anymore. Another friend said she was in shock to hear that but that it must have been very difficult for me.

 

Me: what else convinced you to leave me?

She: Your friends and family. They judge me.

Me: can you give me an example?

She: When you left to the US, your mother asked me if it is not going to be too hard to live alone.

Me: Well, what is wrong with that? I think she was really concerned for you

She: She was judging me because I stayed in your apartment while you were in the US. Your other friend judged me too when I came back from my cousin’s wedding from our home country?

Me: How did she judge you?

She: She asked me if the wedding was nice!

Me: So what, it is just a natural question everyone would ask.

She: I sensed in her voice that she criticized me for staying so long away from my husband because she is a submitted wife.

Me: Are you reading people’s thought now? Why are you interpreting everything so negatively?

She: I know she judged me.

 

She: To divorce you is the best decision I made in my life. Do not hope that this one year of separation will change my mind, for me it is the end. I feel like I am going out of prison.

Me (thinking): It is the best decision you made in MY life, I am very grateful for that, you are really my best buddy. Maybe it looked like a prison for you, but I still had to pay to rent the prison cells for the last 4 years.

 

If my STBXW has descent friends to tell her story to, I hope they will slap her in her face to wake her up. The problem is, the STBXW will get rid of her friends if they do not agree with her. She had done that that with three of her friends since I know her, going Non Contact with them without giving a single explanation to them. That was so rude, I told her not to do that, she said “life is short, I don’t want to waste time with people who aren’t worth it”. One of these friends was her cousin she grew up with and went to her (mentioned above) wedding, another is a friend of 7 years and the last is a 4 months friend she met in her English class.

[notspiritual]

I am witnessing powerlessly the end of my world. All I can do is to watch with stupefaction. All I can do is smile at this nightmare. My specialty in life is to face misfortunes and hardship.

 

She is spending my spousal maintenance money to dress up and seduce some of the guys she met at her meditation center. It has been only 2 days since separation papers but she has almost already spent 2 months of alimony. It seems that Mr. Reality will come sooner than later .

 

I should be sad but I am so happy that I can witness the reality of my marriage sooner than later. I smile at life because it has given me such a great lesson at such a young age . I do not regret a single second of this suffering. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I am witnessing powerlessly the end of my world. All I can do is to watch with stupefaction. All I can do is smile at this nightmare. My specialty in life is to face misfortunes and hardship.

 

She is spending my spousal maintenance money to dress up and seduce some of the guys she met at her meditation center. It has been only 2 days since separation papers but she has almost already spent 2 months of alimony. It seems that Mr. Reality will come sooner than later .

 

I should be sad but I am so happy that I can witness the reality of my marriage sooner than later. I smile at life because it has given me such a great lesson at such a young age . I do not regret a single second of this suffering. Thank you. Thank you so much.

 

What she's already spending the money you gave her in the seperation??? WTF? is she crazy? and she doesnt have ajob. holy crap she's gonna hit rock bottom soon. Please dont catch her! please dont take her back. This woman is a leech. Thank god she's out of your life. Now you can continue to keep stacking that paper.

[Gunny376]

I am witnessing powerlessly the end of my world. All I can do is to watch with stupefaction. All I can do is smile at this nightmare. My specialty in life is to face misfortunes and hardship.

 

She is spending my spousal maintenance money to dress up and seduce some of the guys she met at her meditation center. It has been only 2 days since separation papers but she has almost already spent 2 months of alimony. It seems that Mr. Reality will come sooner than later .

 

I should be sad but I am so happy that I can witness the reality of my marriage sooner than later. I smile at life because it has given me such a great lesson at such a young age . I do not regret a single second of this suffering. Thank you. Thank you so much.

 

Take the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper!

[notspiritual]

What she's already spending the money you gave her in the seperation???

 

She's already spent 20% of the 10 months of money support I granted her. Each monthly amount can cover full rent of a studio in the capital of our home country and all her food/utilities budget. If she is careful, she can live jobfree for 10 months but it won't happen here.

[ilmw]

I am witnessing powerlessly the end of my world. All I can do is to watch with stupefaction. All I can do is smile at this nightmare. My specialty in life is to face misfortunes and hardship.

 

She is spending my spousal maintenance money to dress up and seduce some of the guys she met at her meditation center. It has been only 2 days since separation papers but she has almost already spent 2 months of alimony. It seems that Mr. Reality will come sooner than later .

 

I should be sad but I am so happy that I can witness the reality of my marriage sooner than later. I smile at life because it has given me such a great lesson at such a young age . I do not regret a single second of this suffering. Thank you. Thank you so much.

 

Ok.. I was going to hit the sack.. but just read this post...

 

You are facing the probably the worst experience of your life... and you already... recognise... that it will change you for the better...

 

I once likened this to a phoenix.... "from fiery hell I am in... I will be reborn like the phoenix"... "from the ashes that were once my life..." etc etc...

 

I also once felt like I was in the movie "Hell raiser" and one of those freaky guys,.. the one with all the nails on his head.. said "I'm going to tear your sole apart" I actually felt like that had happened... Mayve it sounds a little dramatic.. but it is an accurate description.. of my state of mind....

 

Well I am still here... still maintaining... a growing strong.. Of course I still hurt at times... that is natural... but the key is forward momentum...to recovery.

 

I hope this made some sense.... I tend to wonder mentally when.. I'm past my bed time....:D:laugh:

[a4a]

People this is not terrible...... hell this is great!!!

 

Finally this man can be free of this crap.

 

Embrace your freedom - don't curse it!

 

My only thought is she is going to back out of leaving at the last minute....

 

Watch your money and your back my friend.

 

Get the leech outta your life.

[sumdude]

Being friendly, I can grab details on the story that she would tell her friends and family to explain her decision to divorce. Let me share some of her thoughts.

 

Me: is it when you wrote to a friend that you met someone in your meditation session twice as better than me because he was more spiritual and more handsome.

She: Yes, and this friend wrote me back that I am not being fair to you because you were helping me to study here. This friend does not write to me anymore. Another friend said she was in shock to hear that but that it must have been very difficult for me.

 

Me: what else convinced you to leave me?

She: Your friends and family. They judge me.

Me: can you give me an example?

She: When you left to the US, your mother asked me if it is not going to be too hard to live alone.

Me: Well, what is wrong with that? I think she was really concerned for you

She: She was judging me because I stayed in your apartment while you were in the US. Your other friend judged me too when I came back from my cousin’s wedding from our home country?

Me: How did she judge you?

She: She asked me if the wedding was nice!

Me: So what, it is just a natural question everyone would ask.

She: I sensed in her voice that she criticized me for staying so long away from my husband because she is a submitted wife.

Me: Are you reading people’s thought now? Why are you interpreting everything so negatively?

She: I know she judged me.

 

 

If my STBXW has descent friends to tell her story to, I hope they will slap her in her face to wake her up. The problem is, the STBXW will get rid of her friends if they do not agree with her. She had done that that with three of her friends since I know her, going Non Contact with them without giving a single explanation to them. That was so rude, I told her not to do that, she said “life is short, I don’t want to waste time with people who aren’t worth it”. One of these friends was her cousin she grew up with and went to her (mentioned above) wedding, another is a friend of 7 years and the last is a 4 months friend she met in her English class.

 

This sounds so familiar it hurts and makes me laugh..... My STBX has said that freinds she lost were "casualties of the marriage". Trying to place some of that blame on me or something rather than something she caused all on her own... Using a phrase that she needed to "rid herself of all toxic relationships." Yeah right, your best freind is now toxic... I think she also has fallen into some sort of semi cultish thing.

 

She also used the fact that some of my family didn't necessarily like her and sometimes weren't entirely nice to her as well. Agreed I should have handles that situatuion muh.

 

It's all rationalization and self justification for thier actions .... deep down somewhere in there they know they might be very wrong in what they're doing ... but denial runs deep. Possibly one day she'll wake up and wonder "what was I thinking" but I wouldn't count on it.

 

It's sad... you'll likely learn and grow from this experience. It may take her a lot longer if ever to gain that insight.

[Woggle]

This woman sounds like a wackjob so be glad to get rid of here. Many of those new age types are living in outer space somewhere.