One week before separation

[notspiritual]

The love I lost was extremely precious to me. But what else is precious to me? How would I feel today if I just had lost an arm, a leg or an eye? Probably worse. Today, If I had to choose what to lose, I would still prefer to choose to lose my wife rather than an eye. I guess today I would still prefer my little left pink toe over my wife. There are way worse things that could have happened to me than the loss of one love.

 

I still have my health. I still have plenty of years in front of me. And gosh, my ability to earn and save has just jumped since I my beloved wife called it quit. So, I should shut up and stop complaining. Like Bod Marley said, Dont worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be all right.

 

My wife? Do I love her? You bet, I love her dearly, more than anything. It is stupid to deny the truth. I am not going to lie to myself. But when the time comes, you know the right thing to do. You may not like it, you may be afraid of it, but deep down you know what is the right thing to do. The right thing to do today is to separate. We both need to grow in our own separate ways. I can see it clearly now.

 

Marriage has sometimes a nasty way to erode each other potential, denying each partner its full completeness. Compromises, concessions, sacrifices. These are only possible when the partners have reached a state of completeness on their own. Only at my full potential will I associate my soul to the soul of another human being.

 

This is not a misfortune. This is a benediction. This is an opportunity to grow. I know I still have a lot to learn. Behind the dark clouds, I can feel a ray of sun.

[ilmw]

The love I lost was extremely precious to me. But what else is precious to me? How would I feel today if I just had lost an arm, a leg or an eye? Probably worse. Today, If I had to choose what to lose, I would still prefer to choose to lose my wife rather than an eye. I guess today I would still prefer my little left pink toe over my wife. There are way worse things that could have happened to me than the loss of one love.

 

I still have my health. I still have plenty of years in front of me. And gosh, my ability to earn and save has just jumped since I my beloved wife called it quit. So, I should shut up and stop complaining. Like Bod Marley said, Dont worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be all right.

 

My wife? Do I love her? You bet, I love her dearly, more than anything. It is stupid to deny the truth. I am not going to lie to myself. But when the time comes, you know the right thing to do. You may not like it, you may be afraid of it, but deep down you know what is the right thing to do. The right thing to do today is to separate. We both need to grow in our own separate ways. I can see it clearly now.

 

Marriage has sometimes a nasty way to erode each other potential, denying each partner its full completeness. Compromises, concessions, sacrifices. These are only possible when the partners have reached a state of completeness on their own. Only at my full potential will I associate my soul to the soul of another human being.

 

This is not a misfortune. This is a benediction. This is an opportunity to grow. I know I still have a lot to learn. Behind the dark clouds, I can feel a ray of sun.

 

Very good post..

 

Keep up this attitude.. and you will be fine...

 

It does take time.... and you will (crash once and a while)... I think we all do this.. It can hit you when you least expect it.. but you grown to except it.. and adapt to deal with it.

 

One of the first things I did, was "keep my head on straight"... stay sober.. and "do the right thing" I have done all these... and have grown.. more than I could ever imagine. I truly am not the same man... I was 1 year ago... I'm not the same man I was when DW and I got together... I am just not the same man... I have grown to a level of self understanding... and understanding in general... evolution.. is a pretty amazing thing.

 

I highly recommend you read some books on relationships... if you have not already done so. It was a real eye opener for me... and I had a lot of those.. "aaahhh" moments... and even more "DAMN" moments.....

 

Most importantly... keep posting... especially when you want to rant... if you need to...K

 

Keep up the great attitude

 

ilmw

[notspiritual]

Mr. Reality has just paid his first visit to my wife. Among the 10 people invited at her party, just one girl came!!! I met her before. She is a frustrated single girl who supported my wife in her decision to divorce me.

 

I like to assume that people don’t appreciate very much a woman who claims without emotion that she left her husband because he’s not spiritual enough. Whatever it is, my wife was apparently not worth their time to say goodbye.

 

Mr. Reality I love you, please come more often.

 

(PS: Ilmw, your very inspiring thread is the first one I read on LS.)

[Woggle]

I know it is sort of cruel but you have to be laughing inside about that.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Mr. Reality has just paid his first visit to my wife. Among the 10 people invited at her party, just one girl came!!! I met her before. She is a frustrated single girl who supported my wife in her decision to divorce me.

 

I like to assume that people don’t appreciate very much a woman who claims without emotion that she left her husband because he’s not spiritual enough. Whatever it is, my wife was apparently not worth their time to say goodbye.

 

Mr. Reality I love you, please come more often.

 

(PS: Ilmw, your very inspiring thread is the first one I read on LS.)

 

ROFLMAO!!!! what only one person came to her party??? I'm laughinf so much inside when I read that. I bet you she isnt gonna have many friends after she divorce's you. You shouldnt worry too much about her, truthfully she isnt great marriage material. I mean all things considered her mental by what you described isnt all that good.

 

The problem lies within her. Not you. Hopefully you'll make better choices with who you marry. The reason why everyone judeged her harshly, well look what happened. She wants to leave you for some other man and she wonder why she was judged? People usually have a six sense about other people and they saw something you didnt.

 

She used you and soit you out and wonder why people dont want to be bothered with her. She isnt making good life choices. But dont worry the rock bottom is coming up sooner than she thinks.

[notspiritual]

I know it is sort of cruel but you have to be laughing inside about that.

 

I was smiling inside, not because she was pissed off, but because I see events that will make her start to reflect on herself and hopefully wake her up. I hope it for her own sake. Not for me. Woggle, your posts in other threads were among the most effective ones in helping me let go.

 

Hopefully you'll make better choices with who you marry.

I am not planning to ever marry again!

 

Day by day, my heart is lighter and lighter, I am tasting the long lost sweet taste of freedom. It is like a flow of new blood is running in my veins. Day by day, the pain is easier to carry. It is like all my numbed senses are starting to wake up again. Colors are brighter, sounds are more crisp, food tastes better. It is like I am reborn.

 

No way I get marry again, no way I enter a new prison. This time is not a time for me to make any comprises, any concessions and any sacrifices. This time, this is my time to shine. I am only at the threshold of my new life but I can already feel the breeze of happiness running through my face.

[notspiritual]

Life has so much to offer. There is no time to cry over a failed relationship.

 

I am hearing the last pathetic attempts of my beloved wife to bother me. “Every woman you will ever meet will end up leaving you”. “You have no personality”. Yeah baby, keep talking. You really don’t know me, honey.

 

Life has so much to offer. There is no time to worry over things I cannot control. And I cannot control your choices. Nor can I control what you want to believe.

She: “You never really loved me”.

Me: “I wanted to spend my whole life with you”

She: “I don’t believe you”

Me: “Too bad for you”

 

Today I am in front of an easy choice. Making the most of the remaining of my life or wasting it in fruitless thinking.

There will be no more regret, remorse, self-pity or wishful thinking.

 

Damn darling, you look so happy, so why are you amazed that I look even happier?

The difference between our two new lifes is that Mr. Reality is waiting for you around the corner.

 

Since we separated, I saw you ate beacon for breakfast, is it the way you become more vegetarian? I don’t think I put the beacon in your mouth, you did it yourself. If you are so spiritual why do you want my money?

I won’t eat any of your bulls**t anymore, so should you.

[onestepback]

it sounds like you are really get stronger now NS...I hope to reach

your point of view and insights soon...

Right now, I feel pain (still).

I'm off from work today, taking a personal day.

[Gunny376]

Life has so much to offer. There is no time to cry over a failed relationship.

 

I am hearing the last pathetic attempts of my beloved wife to bother me. “Every woman you will ever meet will end up leaving you”. “You have no personality”. Yeah baby, keep talking. You really don’t know me, honey.

 

Life has so much to offer. There is no time to worry over things I cannot control. And I cannot control your choices. Nor can I control what you want to believe.

She: “You never really loved me”.

Me: “I wanted to spend my whole life with you”

She: “I don’t believe you”

Me: “Too bad for you”

 

Today I am in front of an easy choice. Making the most of the remaining of my life or wasting it in fruitless thinking.

There will be no more regret, remorse, self-pity or wishful thinking.

 

Damn darling, you look so happy, so why are you amazed that I look even happier?

The difference between our two new lifes is that Mr. Reality is waiting for you around the corner.

 

Since we separated, I saw you ate beacon for breakfast, is it the way you become more vegetarian? I don’t think I put the beacon in your mouth, you did it yourself. If you are so spiritual why do you want my money?

I won’t eat any of your bulls**t anymore, so should you.

 

 

Whoooohoooo! That's what I'm talking about! You tha' man, YOU THA' MAN!

 

Grabbing a hold of Mr. "R", and whipping that azz while hollering ~ "Whose your Daddy! Huh? Whose your Daddy ~ now!"

 

:bunny::bunny:

 

BTW? The reason she only had ONE person show up at her party? The rest were there in "spirit" only! LOL! :lmao:

[notspiritual]

Right now, I feel pain (still).

 

Do not let any women be the source of your pain. You’re a man. You are supposed to suffer from the blades and the punches, not from the sick mind of an ungrateful woman. The wife seems to take the pain of separation effortlessly, therefore so should you.

 

But if pain there is. Do not deny it. To do not fight it. Feel it with every atom of your body. Feel it in your guts. Embrace it.

 

Follow the principles of the Tao. Be like the grass in the middle of a storm. Don’t be like an oak. Do bend to the furious wind. Don’t try to use force to face the storm. The storm cannot do anything to the grass but it will break the oak in two.

 

Accept the pain and it will go away faster.

[sumdude]

Do not let any women be the source of your pain. You’re a man. You are supposed to suffer from the blades and the punches, not from the sick mind of an ungrateful woman. The wife seems to take the pain of separation effortlessly, therefore so should you.

 

But if pain there is. Do not deny it. To do not fight it. Feel it with every atom of your body. Feel it in your guts. Embrace it.

 

Follow the principles of the Tao. Be like the grass in the middle of a storm. Don’t be like an oak. Do bend to the furious wind. Don’t try to use force to face the storm. The storm cannot do anything to the grass but it will break the oak in two.

 

Accept the pain and it will go away faster.

 

And she says you're not spiritual ?

[michael's_pain]

Do not let any women be the source of your pain. You’re a man. You are supposed to suffer from the blades and the punches, not from the sick mind of an ungrateful woman. The wife seems to take the pain of separation effortlessly, therefore so should you.

 

But if pain there is. Do not deny it. To do not fight it. Feel it with every atom of your body. Feel it in your guts. Embrace it.

 

Follow the principles of the Tao. Be like the grass in the middle of a storm. Don’t be like an oak. Do bend to the furious wind. Don’t try to use force to face the storm. The storm cannot do anything to the grass but it will break the oak in two.

 

Accept the pain and it will go away faster.

 

NS, in the 'hoods I frequent, we have a saying for your kind:

 

You're the sh*t.

 

I live for your posts! You and Gunny should open a spiritual boot camp. I'd sign up.

[Gunny376]

Do not let any women be the source of your pain. You’re a man. You are supposed to suffer from the blades and the punches, not from the sick mind of an ungrateful woman. The wife seems to take the pain of separation effortlessly, therefore so should you.

 

But if pain there is. Do not deny it. To do not fight it. Feel it with every atom of your body. Feel it in your guts. Embrace it.

 

Follow the principles of the Tao. Be like the grass in the middle of a storm. Don’t be like an oak. Do bend to the furious wind. Don’t try to use force to face the storm. The storm cannot do anything to the grass but it will break the oak in two.

 

Accept the pain and it will go away faster.

 

A warrior knows this!

 

You? Are a warrior!

 

A spiritual warrior!

 

You? Are of the 300!

 

SemperFi ~ Do or die!

[notspiritual]

Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement!

 

And she says you're not spiritual ?

 

For my wife, someone who does not practice Buddhism is not spiritual. Reading and living the philosophy was not enough, I needed to attend the meditation session otherwise I was not spiritual. But really, all of this does not matter anymore.

 

I don’t have to convince her of anything anymore. All I need to know is that she wants to leave me. That is all I need to know. Period. The rest I don’t need, she can keep all her bulls**t to herself.

 

I don’t need to be angry or to seek revenge. I know Mr. Reality will do his job in due time. It seems that the girl who went to my wife’s party is having a problem. She is living rent free with her brother but now the sister-in-law wants to kick her out of the apartment. I don’t know the details of the story but to fight with someone who offers you free housing is pretty stupid. My wife, with the friends she has, does not need me as an enemy

 

In fact, I behave in a very friendly manner, detached but friendly. I can see that she has not dropped her angry face. Why not? She got the separation and the money she wanted. Maybe she wanted me to keep being desperate and looking miserable. Sorry girl, you picked the wrong man.

 

Me smiling and being happy is the sweetest revenge.

[ilmw]

Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement!

 

 

 

For my wife, someone who does not practice Buddhism is not spiritual. Reading and living the philosophy was not enough, I needed to attend the meditation session otherwise I was not spiritual. But really, all of this does not matter anymore.

 

I don’t have to convince her of anything anymore. All I need to know is that she wants to leave me. That is all I need to know. Period. The rest I don’t need, she can keep all her bulls**t to herself.

 

I don’t need to be angry or to seek revenge. I know Mr. Reality will do his job in due time. It seems that the girl who went to my wife’s party is having a problem. She is living rent free with her brother but now the sister-in-law wants to kick her out of the apartment. I don’t know the details of the story but to fight with someone who offers you free housing is pretty stupid. My wife, with the friends she has, does not need me as an enemy

 

In fact, I behave in a very friendly manner, detached but friendly. I can see that she has not dropped her angry face. Why not? She got the separation and the money she wanted. Maybe she wanted me to keep being desperate and looking miserable. Sorry girl, you picked the wrong man.

 

Me smiling and being happy is the sweetest revenge.

 

Wow... good job there bud!

 

This attitude will help you through the dark days... There is a lot to be said about.. ATTITUDE!

 

and... Yeah smiling.. an being happy... is a GOOD thing...

[sumdude]

For reading pleasure and education..

 

 

http://classics.mit.edu/Tzu/artwar.html

 

The Art of War

[notspiritual]

To be honest, I don’t see it as a war between me and my wife.

 

If a war there was, we both already lost. It was the war to save the marriage.

[sumdude]

To be honest, I don’t see it as a war between me and my wife.

 

If a war there was, we both already lost. It was the war to save the marriage.

 

I understand ... didn't mean for it to come out that way if it did. So many times the divorce process turns into a war, especially if the lawyers take control. Just preparedness I guess.

 

When hurt we lash out ... if both parties keep bouncing that back and forth the war begins.

[Gunny376]

"I have come and saw the enemy, and it is I" ~ Pogo

 

One's greatest enemy is always oneself, know and conquer oneself, and all others will be vanquished before you!

[notspiritual]

The demons imprisoned within me for the last 4 years are impatient to be unleashed. I shut them off for too long to please an unappreciative woman. They are enraged to have been jailed for this long. These demons are Strength of Character, Clarity of Mind and Utmost Courage. Though they smile at their new freedom, they are really pissed off at me. They will not accept anymore any bulls**t from me. They won’t leave me alone until I stand up, dust myself, pick up my spear, and get ready for the next fight.

 

For 4 years I haved lived like a blind man refusing to believe Clarity of Mind who showed me what a fake of a woman she was. I have lived like a deaf man refusing to listen to Utmost Courage to get rid of her. For 4 years, Strength of Character begged me stand up for myself to no avail. Now these demons have awaken to take their revenge on me, they suffered immense pain because of my pathetic life. I was not true to my warrior soul. I was a vulgar wimp that deserved to have his heart broken.

 

My dear 3 friends, I am sincerely sorry that I disappointed you so much. It is my promise that I will compensate you for all these shameful years. I stand now in front a new era. The dark times are about to end. I have been weak and stupid for way too long. There will be zero tolerance for a woman’s bullsh**t in my next life.

 

I am standing up painfully, but I am standing up. I am not like these other men who cry over their asexual, ungrateful and unfaithful bitch. Why they want their bitch back is a mistery to me. Be proud of me my friends, because today I am rising above your expectations. I’ll tell every woman: get real or get lost. Only women clean of bulls**t will deserve my respect. The other women have a brain no bigger than those of chicken. And who would want to copulate with chicken?

 

I am no less than a God’s gift to a woman. The next girl will be the luckiest girl on Earth if she is smart enough to pursue me. Why would I want a woman too stupid to not want me, too stupid to not recognize her luck. I am not like these other men who beg to a woman, WTF where is their pride? Be proud of me my friends because I am no longer a pathetic crying wimp. When I cry, it will be tears of joy after I tell a woman to get lost. For after all this crap, I have gain the skill to detect a woman’s bull**** from a thousand miles away.

 

Never will I let a woman show me disrepect, I have been created according to God’s image, to become more beautiful as each day passes. I will not accept any disrepect from a creature whose beauty is only temporary. I know how cruel a woman can be. My mind has been ****ed up enough and I won’t let it happen twice.

 

Strength of Character, Clarity of Mind and Utmost Courage have come to life again.

This is the end of the dark times.

[Gunny376]

The demons imprisoned within me for the last 4 years are impatient to be unleashed. I shut them off for too long to please an unappreciative woman. They are enraged to have been jailed for this long. These demons are Strength of Character, Clarity of Mind and Utmost Courage. Though they smile at their new freedom, they are really pissed off at me. They will not accept anymore any bulls**t from me. They won’t leave me alone until I stand up, dust myself, pick up my spear, and get ready for the next fight.

 

For 4 years I haved lived like a blind man refusing to believe Clarity of Mind who showed me what a fake of a woman she was. I have lived like a deaf man refusing to listen to Utmost Courage to get rid of her. For 4 years, Strength of Character begged me stand up for myself to no avail. Now these demons have awaken to take their revenge on me, they suffered immense pain because of my pathetic life. I was not true to my warrior soul. I was a vulgar wimp that deserved to have his heart broken.

 

My dear 3 friends, I am sincerely sorry that I disappointed you so much. It is my promise that I will compensate you for all these shameful years. I stand now in front a new era. The dark times are about to end. I have been weak and stupid for way too long. There will be zero tolerance for a woman’s bullsh**t in my next life.

 

I am standing up painfully, but I am standing up. I am not like these other men who cry over their asexual, ungrateful and unfaithful bitch. Why they want their bitch back is a mistery to me. Be proud of me my friends, because today I am rising above your expectations. I’ll tell every woman: get real or get lost. Only women clean of bulls**t will deserve my respect. The other women have a brain no bigger than those of chicken. And who would want to copulate with chicken?

 

I am no less than a God’s gift to a woman. The next girl will be the luckiest girl on Earth if she is smart enough to pursue me. Why would I want a woman too stupid to not want me, too stupid to not recognize her luck. I am not like these other men who beg to a woman, WTF where is their pride? Be proud of me my friends because I am no longer a pathetic crying wimp. When I cry, it will be tears of joy after I tell a woman to get lost. For after all this crap, I have gain the skill to detect a woman’s bull**** from a thousand miles away.

 

Never will I let a woman show me disrepect, I have been created according to God’s image, to become more beautiful as each day passes. I will not accept any disrepect from a creature whose beauty is only temporary. I know how cruel a woman can be. My mind has been ****ed up enough and I won’t let it happen twice.

 

Strength of Character, Clarity of Mind and Utmost Courage have come to life again.

This is the end of the dark times.

 

Thank you, I've been wondering when you would get here? I knew it wouldn't take you all that long. It took me much longer to get here than it did you.

 

Glad you made it ~ to thy ownself ~ be true!

[notspiritual]

Thank you, I've been wondering when you would get here? I knew it wouldn't take you all that long. It took me much longer to get here than it did you.

 

I would never have been here that fast if I did not have Gunny376 to open my eyes.

You Gunny? Are Maximus Decimus Meridius commander of the Armies of the North

You? Are Leonidas, commander of the 300.

 

 

To those dealing with the same crap:

 

You are sad my friend because you focus too much what you have lost.

You feel miserable because you don’t see what you have gained.

 

If you knew that you are leaving trash behind and are heading for a treasure, you would celebrate.

 

You have not lost much. You have lost an ungrateful, an unfaithful or an asexual woman. Is it what you mourn after? Don’t be ridiculous. You deserve much better than that. All you have really lost, is an illusion of a life. You have lost the frustrations and the headaches.

 

Now, look at what you have gained: Freedom

Freedom to explore the world. Travel to every continents. There is so much you have to see.

Freedom to explore your unlimited potential.

Aim at the career you want, discover new hobbies, meditate 16 hours a day if that’s what you want to do.

Freedom to have many different women in your life. More interesting and more loving women.

 

Do you see how much better off you are now than before?

Stop the sadness crap. Stop it right now.

[notspiritual]

I recognize my mistakes. I forgive myself and make amends to the best of my ability. I gave her more than her fair share of support. 10 months of money for 10 months of marriage.

 

To relieve the guilt. I also look also at the good things I did for her.

I provided her for rent, clothes, food, travels and hobbies for the last 4 years. I paid her English classes for 5 months. I did all of this while being in debt of 70,000 usd to study at the University. She was never happy, the English classes were too cheap, the apartment was too noisy etc. What did she bring? Just herself. It was all I needed. But then she also brought her crap. Putting things in perspective, I feel much less guilty.

 

Then she blamed me for everything. It is when I stopped believing in her guilt trap. One reason why she justifies the divorce to friends is that I am a bad person because I burnt my parents' house. She will omit the fact that I was 4 year old and was playing with matches when it happened.

 

I need to stop worrying about her. She’s a big girl, she is able to trash me and hurt me. She is stronger than I think. She feels absolutely no pain. Let her go to her new life. I don’t need to be her backup anymore.

 

I repaired what I could. There is no need to feel guilty anymore.

[notspiritual]

Some men are married with a fake but they don’t know it. Sooner or later the woman will want a divorce, it may be 5, 10, 20 or 30 years from now, but it will happen for sure. Sooner or later she will mercilessly break his heart. The woman will have some emotional problems that the man was not even aware of. These women do not realize that men cannot read their mind.

 

Catch a fake early enough so that you won’t have your heart broken.

1. She is a taker, not a giver.

2. She is of high maintenance.

 

When divorce happens, it just means the fake has revealed herself. This is good. Because you are delivered from an illusion of a life, even if you only have one year left to live. At least the last year of your life will be authentic. Divorce is to be celebrated. Because it means the return to an authentic life.

 

If divorce does not happen, it means that the unhappy woman just stay with you because either she needs your money or she is afraid to be alone. Why the hell would you want to be with a woman like that? Why the hell do you want to be with a woman who feels forced to have sex with you?

 

I am among the luckiest men on earth because it happened to me very early to understand that marriage is not worth it. I will be celebrating my divorce with all my heart. I have avoided a full life of misery. I won’t wake up at 40, 50 or 60 thinking that my whole marrital life was just a joke. Thank you life. Thank you so much.

[notspiritual]

Even if I am better off being single, to be alone and start over again is a little frightening. There is the fear of loneliness and the fear of the unknown.

 

But loneliness is good. I need to be alone, at least for a while, to heal, to reshape myself, to read, to learn, to grow. I need to become fully complete on my own.

 

The unknown is good. The unknown is exciting. Free of constraints, there is not a better time to explore the unknown.