AngerManagement Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 Perhaps you might remember me from my previous post several weeks ago. Basically, my breakup w/ my girlfriend of 2 yrs is pretty much finalized. I saw her for the last time around the end of November, and perhaps spoke with her a week after that. Anyway, from then till now, she called me twice (in one day, so I know it wasn't an accident) on my cell, but didn't leave any message. I never called her back. Anyway, here's the kicker- last night while hanging out with my friends at a bar, who of all people should call but my ex's best friend. Admittedly, it was kind of a shock, and I had already tipped back a few, so I really was not in the mood for any lengthy conversation. Anyway, my ex's best friend said she wanted to know if I wanted to "get together sometime." After some thought, I replied w/ "yeah, I guess we can." The reason why it's so weird is because this girl (my ex's best friend) never hung out with me on a solo basis. I met her thru my ex, and we have hung out before in groups. And, to tell the truth, I do admit to being attracted to her. She told me she got my phone # off my ex's cell (presumably without her knowledge- knowing my ex, I'm pretty positive she wouldn't endorse something like this.) Anyway, long story short- I told her to call me back tomorrow (which would be today) and she did, and we agreed to meet up in a few days. What do you guys (and girls) think about this? Many of my friends told me this is probably a trap and to just stay away. I realize the logic behind that, but it's just hard because I do happen to like this girl, and always wondered about what it would be like if she and I hooked up. It took me by surprise bigtime when she called. Any advice as to how I should proceed? If I should even proceed at all? Any similar experiences here? Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 What kind of trap do you think it could be? I say go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 Honestly, if you don't want your ex to think you are a total jerk, you should clear it with her first. (I know, it sounds ridiculous, but there are certain boundaries. Ex's best friends are one of them, IMO.) I have to question the morals and ethics of this girl if she is chasing after her best friend's ex boyfriend. Is that the kind of girl you want to be with? I'm not sure how it is with guys, but with girls, the lines are much more dramatic. If you don't care what your ex thinks, then go for it. But trust me, she will think you are a major ass if you go out with her best friend so soon after your break up. If you don't want to clear it, then wait at least six months, and then go for it. Are you sure you really want to go out with this girl, or are you just trying to stay close to your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 Oh yeah I didn't think of it that way. Yeah I would stay away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
AngerManagement Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 Well, I know for a FACT that I would NOT get together w/ her best friend because I want to stay close to my ex. It's been a long war, but I'm pretty much coming to grips with not ever going out with my ex again. Furthermore, like I said before I always thought about pursuing the possiblity of a relationship with her best friend. (Yes, I know; it might seem like a scummy thing to think about the whole time I was w/ my ex, but nothing ever actually happened to bring that about). Also, don't get me wrong- I do NOT care about what my ex thinks, either. Don't take that to mean I'm a dirtbag- the pain and problems something like this would cause her are nothing in comparison to the hell and torment she put me thru the several times we broke up. I'm not a spiteful guy, and that is also not my motivation for wanting to go for this. In other words, I wouldn't actively do anything to hurt my ex. But if by chance she does get hurt, no skin off my back. I don't know; based on all this info, do you guys really think I should still back off? I'm only pushing the envelope here because I think it would be really cool if something developed w/ this; I also forgot to mention that what makes my ex's best friend so attractive is that she has so many more qualities that I look for than my ex ever did; she's prettier (in my opinion), finished school, has a much more tolerant and open-minded personality, and, from what I was told (by my ex), uhh, much fewer sexual partners in her life. Anyway, any more advice? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 In other words, I wouldn't actively do anything to hurt my ex. But if by chance she does get hurt, no skin off my back. Trust me, if you go out with her best friend, you will actively hurt her. I don't care if she broke up with you or how your break up occurred. You Will Hurt Her. (I have been there! Everyone told me I shouldn't care because I broke up with him, but it still hurt a lot that he would do that.) Again, if you don't care about hurting her, then go for it. But trust me, you WILL hurt her if you do this, at least on some level. Just think about it in reverse. What if she started dating your best friend? How would you feel? Would you be up for asking your ex if it's okay? I still think that's your best bet. If not, again, I would wait at least a few months before pursuing anything, just out of respect. Link to post Share on other sites
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