Mr Perfect - or not?

[Jacqui]

I met an amazing guy on the weekend. We were both stuck at this dodgy bar on Saturday night with seperate friends and ended up talking, and I was so impressed I have not been able to stop thinking about him. He has a PhD and is currently finishing medicine. I have done my PhD in law so it was so great to be able to finally talk to a guy on my intellectual level. Not only this, but he was an absolute stunner - tall, dark, and handsome. This guy seems perfect in every way - he even called the next day, rather than waiting around and playing the usual games. In sum, he seems - theoretically - perfect. I just wonder why he is so keen on me, why he ditched his friends to hang out with me, and why he is so eager to meet up again. I think that he will be dissapointed when we meet again - I am one of those people who looks great in a bar but a complete hag in the actual daylight. I am just not used to this attention, and it makes me wonder why he is so desperate - no one is perfect, he must have some massive flaw just waiting to be discovered. Anyway, I know I should stop overanalysing the situation, but it is really making me nervous. It's like I'm waiting to meet Clark Kent. I've built everything up in my mind and am finding it hard to concentrate. I am just afraid of dissapointment and rejection I suppose, I don't usually let guys touch my emotions at all but this one has. I know this seems like a very trivial problem. I just wanted to let it out, so thanks.

[bebop]

No guy or gal is perfect.

 

Yet we are all wonderful and deserve to be loved and admired.

 

Calm down!

Love yourself!

Don't create problems that haven't actually happened.

 

And basically give it chance, think positive and go with the flow with no expectations from him but with the intention of having a good time while you discover each other-slowly.

[Tony T]

For someone on "your intellectual level", you sure don't have much of a hold on yourself. In lawyers' terms, you have barely started your discovery period.

 

Until you get to know this guy very well over a period of time, just get off your high. You are smart enough to know that when you fall for somebody like this right off, there's noplace to go but down. Delete your hard drive and start off clean and let your caring for this guy evolve over time so it has a nice, sound base to build from.

 

Oh, yes, the feeling of meeting somebody new is wonderful but in it are the seeds of grave disappointment just as much as euphoric happiness. As a disciplined legal scholar, you should be able to keep your objectivity here.

 

Just go slow, be patient, and see where this goes.

 

I disagree that the two of you are on the same intellectual level. Until he gets a degree in law or you get yours in medicine, that will not be the case. Frankly, my experience has shown that many persons in the medical field are limited in their knowledge of the world because of so many years of rightful and focused dedication to their field. In general, medical practioners are not very fond of attorneys because they are the ones who stir up lawsuits and hike their malpractice insurance sky high.

 

I submit that we should hold this case in abeyance pending further discovery. Meanwhile, learn not to jump into these kinds of things based on insufficient evidence and your own personal conclusions.

 

Oh, yes. I guess I have to stipulate that some attorneys do have a heart...which actually makes them human. That's a very good thing.

 

I want this to work out well for you because you've been waiting a long time. The only way that will happen is to slow yourself down!!!

[Dragonflys]

You are racing away way too fast with your emotions here. So he's a cute guy with a brain you met in a bar. That means very little and you need to keep a lid on your emotions here.

If you turn up at the first date wanting to fall into his arms before a word is said he will defintaely see you as desperate and your footing in this will slip from the start. Focus on having a good intellectual conversation with him at first, discuss how you both see the world and just hold your head up. Keep it simple and have fun. Don't even focus yet on how good he looks etc. and just have good conversation, smile and show you are intelligent and poised. That appraoch has always worked for me. If you do that he will enjoy your company because it will be nonthreatening and on his level, and he will stay around and things may solidify.

 

Good luck!

 

Oliver

[midori]

I can understand your excitement, as well as your reservations about this encounter. I recently realized how I'd fallen into the trap of thinking that overwhelming excitement and intensity right from the start was a necessary ingredient for a romantic relationship. Especially since the guys who have overwhelmed me in the past have subsequently proved to be seriously flawed, toxic men who were in no way prepared to engage in a genuinely loving relationship.

 

The key to this paradox is to let go of the assumption that a promising romance has to start off with a bang, that it must be consuming from the start. In order to do that, you have to not let it consume you. Right now it's nothing at all -- you've met a handsome & apparently nice guy -- but you're already jumping ahead to the assumption that it's going to blossom into a relationship. By attaching too much significance to it too soon, you set yourself up to be blind to the realities that this guy presents. That's when you stand the risk of getting hurt.

 

Maybe this guy is, in fact, too good to be true. You'll find that out after a couple of dates. If that proves to be the case, well, of course you'll be disappointed, but it won't be crushing because you won't have leapt ahead to the conclusion that you *must* have a relationship with *him*.

[Toby]

(well, except from Tony, who seemed distracted by your occupation and intent on patronising your 'intellectual level' comment).

 

In any case, as an academic myself I find it very hard to find a guy intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with. No wonder you are excited! But as everyone suggested, you need to slow down and just take things as they come. It is fun to meet someone new but try not to place any expectations on him. The best idea is to keep busy up until you see him next so you don't keep thinking about the situation. And for god's sake, remember that the aim of the game is simply to enjoy yourself!