Ally Boo Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 I totally feel like I'm one of those dating reality shows. Here is the situation: I met the guy I am now seeing, about 3 weeks ago, and we've been dating ever since. He's a great guy...a true gentleman. We get along very smoothly, and I enjoy his company. There are things about him that annoy me, but nothing major... But..... There is a guy that I've known for about a year now, who just decided to quit chasing his ex...and date me. He sent me a message when he was in the Cayman Islands last week telling me that he wants to date me...he didn't know I was seeing someone, so I told him that...and when he got back here, he told me that my relationship with him is still early and maybe he could catch it before it gets too late. Well, I've told the guy I'm seeing about this guy. The other guy obviously knows about the one I'm seeing. But here's where it gets complicated.... They are both very attractive... They are both incredibly nice and good guys... I like them both very much... However... One is a construction worker who makes half of what I do, and the other owns his own 2 internet travel agencies, goes on trips twice a month and would take me with him, plus he is financially stable. I'm not a materialistic person by nature, but I am human, and the thought of being with someone who makes more money than I do...is something I have never even experienced. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any feedback?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 YOU WRITE: "I just don't know what to do." You have GOT to be kidding us if you are really trying to make a choice between these two guys. Now, if you're serious about finding the right person for yourself, you should date both of them for a while, get to know both of them better, and base your decision soundly on which you feel you could care more about...and not on the superficial data you have provided. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 14, 2003 Share Posted January 14, 2003 Tony, what you said sounds good and reasonable. But I'm going to interject something here. You are familiar with my marriage history -- it's not a typical marriage in a lot of ways, but it's not atypical either. Before my husband was completely disabled he job-hopped a lot and had lots of periods of unemployment. He used to be in major construction and that is a trade that depends on weather a lot, plus even with unions, there is no security. I've known a lot of construction workers (union and non-union) and it is a struggle. There are opportunites to move up within a company, or do contract work, but it's not a real stable occupation. There have been times in the past where I really had to struggle with resentment because the whole burden of supporting us rests on my shoulders. I can't count how many times I went to work sick or in pain and came home and just collapsed in tears because I didn't see an end to the burden. My husband's income was too unstable to count for much. Plus, depending on the type of contstruction, it wears a man down. How many 60 y/o men do you see working at construction sites? How many 50 y/o men? My father-in-law was in construction his whole life. His health suffered for it and his wife suffers for it too. There were times when I forced my husband to take whatever job he could get just to bring some money in. He worked in grocery stores; for a vending machine company; selling cemetary plots; whatever he could do. I always had hope that someday he would find a good job. We thought he did once, but it only lasted a year and a half. I lost all hope at that time and knew that I would be the only support for the family for the rest of my life. That also played with his ego and self-esteem. He tried not to let it get to him, and we both put up brave fronts, but he felt like he had lost his manliness - like he wasn't a man anymore because he couldn't earn, or couldn't earn enough. We both had to deal with that, and it was also my job to constantly reassure him that I loved him and the money didn't matter and it was all our money anyway, and that constant reassuring became another burden on my shoulders. And he knew it too. I was scared and the burden on my shoulders is heavy. If I had a choice now, I would take the man with financial stability. Having said that though, I wouldn't change who I am married to. I made a commitment and I do love him, and I know he loves me. Love doesn't pay the bills, but at least we will have each other to starve with and that's better than starving alone. Good Luck with this one. It's not an easy decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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