We broke up. He still loves me. Yet we can't be together....

[lonelylissa]

My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. I went strictly into NO CONTACT mode. However, I didn't stick to my guns very well. for the first few days he was the one that would text me first and initiate all conversations. We only exchanged 1 or 2 texts a day for about 5 days. All started by him - He would tell me how much he misses me, how nothing's the same without me, how he's a wreck without me... but we still can't be together. Finally yesterday he texted me and said "I love you so f*****G much still" and I just couldn't handle that... I just started to cry and I called him crying saying he couldn't do that to me. How he can't just string be along yet not want to get back together. He said in the chance that he doesn't realize what he has until it's gone can he come by at night to properly say good bye? I let him.

 

 

My ex and I finally had a 'proper goodbye' last night, or so I thought that was our intentions. He had been holding back on our conversations for a long time. Didn't really tell me what was going on and I just didn't understand why someone who claims to love and miss me so much just couldn't be with me. He was truly confused. He said (and he started to cry - which I have NEVER seen him done. Even with our pass big fights that we thought may have been it) that he feels really guilty because he chose a career path that takes a lot of him. And that all he wants is to be able to support me in the future like I deserve to be. He would feel like a loser, failure, useless if he weren't to give this 100% for the next few years. Let me say that he is a musician. He's been in known touring bands and he's made it quite far. But of course projects come and go and he's in a slump right now. Everything is moving really slow and nothing is developing when he really wants it to. He told me that if his guilt wasn't there we would be together again in no time.

 

Also I was the ex-singer of that band. I left the band a few months ago due to creative differences. I think that he feels that he needs to do this for himself and on his own and now that I am out of the picture - it is harder for him to focus. Before we would be on the same page kind of thing. He feels that he can't give his career 100% of him because no matter what happens he'll always just want to spend time with me.

 

He then asked me an odd question. He asked if we could someone be 'single' but still be exclusive to one another. He said he needed to be free so he doesn't feel tide down and restricted from building his career however, can we be exclusive in the sense that we are not looking for other people. He made a pack that we will go on a couple monthly dates and that we would both try really hard to rebuild our communication. He wants me to go to his nephews 5th birthday party and all the plans that we still had for the summer.

 

He made it very clear that his intentions were to have this more distant open relationship was so at the end of this 'break' period he believed we would get back together. I guess in a way we're just openly dating each other until we can ease back into a relationship together...

 

I told him again, words are just words and they don't mean anything until the actions are made. He said he knows that he hurt me every time he would tell me he misses me and he loves me. He said right now, I can be skeptical and if I needed or wanted to... to move on. But he's going to keep his word and still try to build our communication and do our monthly dates again.

 

I really want to believe him, I really do SO BAD. But i'm stepping into this with precaution. Like - I take what he says (the sweet words) with a grain of salt and until he does something big then i'll consider the fact that we're working on this.

 

 

This was last night.

 

This morning I texted him to have a really good day and he said "You too, Maybe it'll get better later on" so he's obviously really hurting about the situation.... I was trying to switch it into a lighter side and was like "Oh a nicer note, i'm wearing a really cool long skirt!!" and he's like "Yeah? I would like to see that skirt. How come you don't wear skirts for me anymore?" And I just said "Because it just turned spring? Duh!" as a joke. And he texted me back saying "I'm really glad that we have a plan (stated above) and I really really hope it works out" and I said "Yes me too" and he said "But I am the 'seeing is believing' kinda person so I will be REALLY REALLY happy when our plan is in action" and I just said "I think we can do it. Are you in it 100%?" and he said "very very much so. It's like the perfect plan". So he brought it up and he wanted to reassure to me that he believes that this is something for us to move forward.

 

I just really hope it does. I'm guessing i'm just looking for the support...

[krzr]

hes being very selfish right now so keep your guard up go with what u feel and dont forget that actions do speak louder than words. all is fair in love and war and its wartime for you try not to remember the love that u had it will cloud ur judgements on how to approach this he may just be trying to string u along or keep u from being with other ppl.

[starbuck59]

I don't want to spoil any hope you might have because you obviously care for this person very deeply. However, from my previous experience, if someone wants to be with you they move mountains to do so. I am confused as to why being in a "slump" would prevent him from being with you? If you love each other you could get through those times together. Going out on dates off and on......being single yet exclusive to each other? That sounds a little fishy. It sounds like he wants to keep you around until he finds something else that would suit him better. I just don't see how his reasons for this are valid. It sounds like he is choosing his career over you. I'm not sure because I don't know him personally. Sometimes people have to follow their dreams. However, I think the real solution is to have you full time and help him work on his career. Again, I don't mean to upset you but I agree with your statements that about actions being louder than words. I wouldn't wait forever for him to get his career and act together.