I think I lost my best friend.

[kepners]

i have read even moreof this post... and ur comments are making me think u lot have too many illusions about this whole band thing.

 

i will make one point, u will get nowhere as you are. i havent even heard ur music, but it takes everyone pulling inthe same direction and ur not.

 

i mean u got the arse about her playing films clips between songs!!! that my dear is called ART... jesus, u never know what this could inspire... i cant believe i am almost telling you how to be in a band!

 

one more thing, there are kids out there who have been in bands with there mates since they where 14...and will be so close and tight msuically you will NEVER get there unless you practice every day for hours on end.

the fact u say your married says ur to old for this game, ur trying to be fleetwood mac with nothing!

[SBBW]

^ I don't agree with your statement about married people being too old. You don't know how old I am. Oh! And I have a kid too! I guess that means I have one foot in the grave huh. And I don't see how playing the star wars theme is art. So she can play a song that someone else already wrote. That's not art, that's reproducing somone else's art. And the issue isn't what she played. Just that the turd was bold enough to start playing out of nowhere while the rest of us were talking and then write it off as haha I was being funny. And I may not be a professional, but I carried myself more like a professional then her or anyone else we kicked out. And fleetwood mac suck. I don't have any desire to emulate them, thanks.

 

Truth is seeing how some of you feel about this makes me doubt myself a little. I thought for sure I would post my problem to a bunch of strangers and at least someone would see it my way. You guys really think what I did was that bad? When she left that night she showed no emotion and didn't act upset at all. Now it appears she was upset and still is upset. I see that is deceptive on her part.

 

I would love to go to one of her new band's practices. I'm curious what they sound like. Maybe they could open for us sometime. I've met one of them. HE came to one of our practices when we first started and declined an invitation to join.

 

I also want to say I have tried to access this site all damn day and kept getting error messages. Good thing I wasn't some nutcase on the verge of suicide all day or anything.

[Trimmer]

I also want to say I have tried to access this site all damn day and kept getting error messages. Good thing I wasn't some nutcase on the verge of suicide all day or anything.

You should read the community guidelines that make it clear that this site is not a substitute for professional help. We're just a bunch of people sitting around talking.

 

Truth is seeing how some of you feel about this makes me doubt myself a little. I thought for sure I would post my problem to a bunch of strangers and at least someone would see it my way. You guys really think what I did was that bad?

I think you need to take an honest look at yourself and your behavior as a friend. Again, this isn't about the music or your fundamental decision not to have her in the band. It's about your behavior as a friend.

 

Incidentally, just the paragraph before you ask "You guys really think what I did was that bad?" you called her a "turd." Do you even hear yourself talking? What in the world is in your heart for (or against) this person?

 

When she left that night she showed no emotion and didn't act upset at all. Now it appears she was upset and still is upset. I see that is deceptive on her part.

You are really grasping at straws here. I don't equate her attempt to depart with some dignity intact with you keeping her around when you knew all along you were going to dump her, partly for the purpose of getting her to do your website and logo. Now you're just flailing desperately, trying to make anything stick.

 

Bottom line: clearly you and I have different ideas of what it means to be a "friend." Even if we were involved in a professional persuit together, I would not deceive and manipulate a friend for my own gain, mock a friend behind his or her back, or fail to defend a friend if he/she were being mocked by others. And in some alternate universe where I had done these things, I would be honest enough with myself not to be mystified as to why a friend would turn away from me afterward.

 

You have shown your friend - "the turd", as you call her - what you are really made of. Now you need to take an honest look in the mirror so you can see what she saw. What does it mean to you to be a friend?

[AriaIncognito]

I just had a thought. Perhaps we just don't do well wiht Keyboard players. We had a guy on keys before her and we booted his ass out because he sucked.

 

I've also noticed that people who play keys are usually wierd odd people. I don't know... just my observation.

 

Generalizing won't get you very far in winning the hearts of many people around these parts.

 

I was in a band. We dealt with the letting go of members. We never, ever, did it so rudely as you've conveyed in this thread. You act as if you are god's gift to music and that your friend should have been so grateful. Your friend should be grateful that you released her to go somewhere she might be appreciated, instead of somewhere she's demeaned.

 

As far as "wasted none of her time", that's a load of crap. Rehearsals take time. Learning music takes time. You basically dangled the carrot and then said she sucked. How was she supposed to take it?

 

Also, Im not sure why you're so bent that she had plans on MOTHERS DAY to be with HER MOTHER. Sorry but, usually mother's take precedence on that date. (and should on many others).

 

I don't mean to be so harsh, but I, like you, just say what I think. I'm not going to sugar coat it. You mentioned in another thread that you wish you could meet good people. You need to start treating people well, in order to be rewarded with the same in your life. If i were your "friend" in this scenario and you showed such blatant disregard for my feelings and talent, I'd certainly not be knocking down your door either.

 

Good luck with the band.

[SBBW]

You have shown your friend - "the turd", as you call her - what you are really made of. Now you need to take an honest look in the mirror so you can see what she saw. What does it mean to you to be a friend?

 

So then, lets say I do that. Then what?

[SBBW]

Generalizing won't get you very far in winning the hearts of many people around these parts.

 

 

Sorry for generalizing. It's just what I've seen in my experience.

 

I'm actually pretty conflicted how I feel about her right now.

 

Like for example she babysits this 12 year old kid and he's autistic. Well this kid loves to play the guitar and whenever she watches him he brings his guitar to her house and they jam. Now part of me thinks thats so cool that she does that. But, part of me can't help but find it funny and sad that she's on the same page musiically with some retarded kid.

 

And this knew band she's in. Part of me wants to see her be successful. But I also look forward to her failure.

 

Idk...

[Trialbyfire]

Historically, some of the most brilliant musicians and composers were autistic...

 

Your friend is something else if she's willing to care for an autistic kid. Kudos to her.

[kepners]

TBF ur are spot on.

i want to make the point your not a big rich rockband. your not fleetwood mac. its back making music with friends and having a shared experince with them onstage its like nothing else on earth doing that.

 

to me the whole i am better than you attutide kinda rubs because this person my have a whole genuine learning difficult. but may offer more things that the rest of you.

 

i do miss my band....

[kepners]

Sorry for generalizing. It's just what I've seen in my experience.

 

I'm actually pretty conflicted how I feel about her right now.

 

Like for example she babysits this 12 year old kid and he's autistic. Well this kid loves to play the guitar and whenever she watches him he brings his guitar to her house and they jam. Now part of me thinks thats so cool that she does that. But, part of me can't help but find it funny and sad that she's on the same page musiically with some retarded kid.

 

And this knew band she's in. Part of me wants to see her be successful. But I also look forward to her failure.

 

Idk...

 

this to me i find quite distrubing... i have to ask myself who the fool here, me for reading this or you for saying it...

[SBBW]

TBF ur are spot on.

i want to make the point your not a big rich rockband. your not fleetwood mac. its back making music with friends and having a shared experince with them onstage its like nothing else on earth doing that.

 

to me the whole i am better than you attutide kinda rubs because this person my have a whole genuine learning difficult. but may offer more things that the rest of you.

 

i do miss my band....

 

I don't think she has any learning difficulty. She graduated college for chrisake. Yes, and there were other things she could have offered us, like a website and a logo.

[SBBW]

this to me i find quite distrubing... i have to ask myself who the fool here, me for reading this or you for saying it...

 

Why is this so disturbing. Conflict is a natural human emotion.

[kepners]

the whole, shes the level of playing as that retard. and the comment of i look forward to her failure. thats what stood out for me.

conflict is fine and i agree with you. just she was ur friend thats all, i am thinking to my own experinces when in the band and to say that about my own 'brothers' is weird.... but saying that, one of them stole my woman is pure fleetwood mac style! HAHA... at the time not funny, when i found out... day before a gig...

[SBBW]

Yes, I do look forward to her failure in the other band because then I won't feel so bad like what I did was wrong.

 

Maybe she could get a bunch of those autistic kids together and form her own project, lol.

 

Sucks that one of your "brothers" stole your woman. Most of us in my band are married so I'm not worried about any of that. I do enjoy being the only girl in the band though. Now when we are on stage all the guys in the crowd will worship me.

[whichwayisup]

I just want to know how I can be friends with her again.

 

Can I ask? She is your friend, but are you hers? It seems to be a one sided friendship from what I've read so far. I don't want to sound harsh, but I really don't know why she would want to be in your daily life. You say some nice things about her, yet you put her down at the same time. I'm not sure if you're jealous of her, or just need to be number one and make sure SHE knows that you are the queen bee. To say in one sentence that's it's pretty cool of her to take the time to help an autistic kid (btw, autistism is NOT like being retarded) and then you take a pot shot at her, putting her down.

 

Not too sure what your definition is of friendship is, but if you want to have your friend in your life, tone it down. Yes, I get that you have certain views in life, a chip on your shoulder, but you don't have to be so IN YOUR FACE about it when it comes to her. Show the nicer, caring side, have fun and let ego and competition go.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, I do look forward to her failure in the other band because then I won't feel so bad like what I did was wrong.

 

Why not be honest, tell her you're sorry and that you feel bad? Is it that hard for you to say sorry to her? Also, to hope she fails so you feel better about you IS NOT COOL. Gawwd, you should wish her the best and hope that she does well with this other band! THAT is what friendship is about, wanting the best for a friend and wanting THEM to happy.

[SBBW]

Can I ask? She is your friend, but are you hers? It seems to be a one sided friendship from what I've read so far. I don't want to sound harsh, but I really don't know why she would want to be in your daily life. You say some nice things about her, yet you put her down at the same time. I'm not sure if you're jealous of her, or just need to be number one and make sure SHE knows that you are the queen bee. To say in one sentence that's it's pretty cool of her to take the time to help an autistic kid (btw, autistism is NOT like being retarded) and then you take a pot shot at her, putting her down.

 

Not too sure what your definition is of friendship is, but if you want to have your friend in your life, tone it down. Yes, I get that you have certain views in life, a chip on your shoulder, but you don't have to be so IN YOUR FACE about it when it comes to her. Show the nicer, caring side, have fun and let ego and competition go.

 

Jealous!? What the hell do I have to be jealous of? She lives in a one bedroom apartment, I live in a big spacious house. I make more money then she does too. And I'm smarter. And I have better clothes. And above all, I'm a better musician! Why the hell would I be jealous of her?

 

In my own life I am number one, the queen bee as you put it. I don't put anyone else above myself and my family, and all my friends, including her, are aware of this.

 

Well, as her friend I think it's great she watches this autistic kid. As a musician I can't believe I let someone in my band who is on the same level is an autistic 12 year old. And maybe him being autistic has nothing to do with it, but he's 12!

 

As her friend I think it's great that she plays a few diferent instruments, but as a musician I find it annoying that she doesn't know some main points. She has never taken any lessons on anything in her life, and she doesn't even know what 4/4 time is!

 

And, in-your-face is who I am. If she (or anyone) can't deal with that then there is no room for them in my life.

[SBBW]

Why not be honest, tell her you're sorry and that you feel bad? Is it that hard for you to say sorry to her? Also, to hope she fails so you feel better about you IS NOT COOL. Gawwd, you should wish her the best and hope that she does well with this other band! THAT is what friendship is about, wanting the best for a friend and wanting THEM to happy.

 

Why not tell her I'm sorry? Because I'm not completely sorry. ANd yes, to tell her I'm sorry and go crawling back to her shows weakness on my part.

 

And yes, it may not be too healthy, but I hope she fails. Then I will know it truly was her lack of talent and lack of charisma and not that me and my band are just *******s. If another band sees her the same way then she will just have to accept that she sucks and not blame me.

[whichwayisup]

Maybe it's best if you two are gonna continue the friendship to keep music out of it.

 

I don't know you, I only know what I've read so far - But man, you gotta give a little and compromise for friendships, especially friendships with women, to work. Seems you've got this attitude like "it's MY way or get lost!" Wow.

[whichwayisup]

Why not tell her I'm sorry? Because I'm not completely sorry. ANd yes, to tell her I'm sorry and go crawling back to her shows weakness on my part.

 

So, basically, you're gonna let your ego and pride get in the way of friendship......

 

And yes, it may not be too healthy, but I hope she fails. Then I will know it truly was her lack of talent and lack of charisma and not that me and my band are just *******s. If another band sees her the same way then she will just have to accept that she sucks and not blame me.

 

How old are you????

[SBBW]

Well, I don't see this friendship continuing, honestly. She seems to have made her decision.

 

It's not my ego that keeps me from apologizing to her. Why should I apologize when I am not sorry? She told me back when I asked her to join us that the outcome would not affect our friendship. She lied to me.

 

And I'm 33 btw.

[whichwayisup]

She didn't lie to you, at the time I'm sure she meant it....

 

Do you not see how you treated her affected your friendship? You let MUSIC and your EGO get in the way. You handled it badly, you were rude to her and disrespectful towards her, how you dealt with it all. If the friendship does end, and it sounds like you're gonna let it end as it seems you don't wanna extend the olive branch out to her, or do anything that MIGHT come off as kind.

[Trialbyfire]

Friendships are two way streets, where you accept each other for who you are, support each other and most of all care about each other's wellbeing. If this isn't what you want in friendship, good luck finding friends who give all, where you dish out nothing but crap.

 

It's interesting that you feel you're entitled to be brutally honest with your friend, treating her horribly and yet, when I previously expressed brutal honesty back to you, you weren't happy and felt you deserved sympathy. Reap what you sow 'cause I'm guessing you don't have any female friends, or real friends for that matter and have always had trouble finding and keeping them.

[Teeky3]

Your friend is better off without you. You are extremely insensitive to say the least and for some reason you just are not getting how you hurt her.

How do you treat people that you don't like?

 

You had every right to dismiss her from the band...but no right to lead her on. Your behavior toward her spells cruely!

[SBBW]

Okie, so we've esablished I'm a big meanie. And your right, I don't have many friends. Now that she is gone I have no real close friends.

 

But how can I change this about myself? I have always been this way and it seems a little unrealistic to me to change my entire personality just to attract the friendships of weak minded individuals who can't handle the real me. I would feel like I was decieving everyone if I suddenly acted so kind and caring.

 

ANd I have been friends with this woman for years, never have we had a problem before now and I've always been this way.

[whichwayisup]

You made her feel worthless and like crap by how you treated her. If you really want a friendship with her, then let the wall crumble abit and let her into your heart. You don't have to change your entire personality, you just have to soften yourself abit, be more kind, compassionate and THINK of other people's feelings first, rather than your own. Women friendships are gem, and if you let music get in the way of friendship, you WILL end up alone and not have anyone there for you when the chips are down.

 

It's not like you have to do a 180 and change 100%, take baby steps and focus on smaller things, little gestures that go a long way. Like, if you know your friend is stressed out or having a bad day, drop by and give her some flowers, or if she is sick in bed, make or buy some soup and drop it off for her. It's not always about what one says, it's what they DO in action that counts just as much.

 

Interesting though that you mentioned weak minded individuals....Is it possible the people you attrack are inferior to you so that you can feel superior all the time? You're in control, not them. Do some thinking and take a step back. Evalute those in your life. If (godforbid) something awful happened to you, or to someone in your family, would those friends BE there for you all the way? Support you, listen to you, try to help, make you feel better? OR would they disappear and not want to be bothered....

 

What you put into friendships is what you get out of them.