I think I lost my best friend.

[SBBW]

What I meant about weak minded people was that if someone can't handle my honesty, my no bull**** way of looking at life, my bitchiness, and me in general then they are weak minded in my eyes.

 

I don't think the people I attract are inferior to me, but they sure as hell aren't superior.

 

And most of my friends choose me, I don't choose them.

 

Like her, for example, I met her on the internet. She lived right up the street from me but we never met in person. She IMed me because I had an obscure reference in my profile that she caught on to. But I talked to her on the net for nine months before I ever made the suggestion to meet her in person. I thought how sad it was that this person has to find her friends on the net and that kept me from wanting to meet her in person. Also online she came across very quiet and tight lipped. BUt in real life she's not that way at all.

 

And in all honesty I think she is a genius in some areas. Her artwork is brilliant. Her sense of humor is very cleaver. And the websites she makes are insane.

 

ANother thing that I think may have affected things with her long before this is I don't get along with her other half. For a while we hung around with them as a couple, but I just can't stand him.

[Trialbyfire]

Okie, so we've esablished I'm a big meanie. And your right, I don't have many friends. Now that she is gone I have no real close friends.

 

But how can I change this about myself? I have always been this way and it seems a little unrealistic to me to change my entire personality just to attract the friendships of weak minded individuals who can't handle the real me. I would feel like I was decieving everyone if I suddenly acted so kind and caring.

 

ANd I have been friends with this woman for years, never have we had a problem before now and I've always been this way.

Firstly, I find you weak and an emotional coward. Someone with strength is not afraid, yes afraid, to let someone in so they care about them. People who hide behind b/s strength, have little "real" self-esteem so they have none for others.

 

Well, there are two ways to go about it.

 

1) Find someone as selfish as you are and the two of you can treat each other like crap and be able to handle it so neither one of you needs to be a weak minded individual. I wouldn't advise this methodology because when crap hits the fan, neither one of you will have any concern or consideration for the other. In essense, a mutual user dysfunctional relationship instead of a friendship.

 

2) Look to yourself and admit your own weaknesses and insecurities (emotional cowardice and selfishness for starters). Fix those issues so you are happy with and within yourself. Once you've done this, you'll have more to give someone else, who will in-turn return some of this, if not more. Overall though, if you continue looking for return in everything you give, you're destined for failure. Giving and knowing you made a difference is a good feeling. There's a limit to giving beyond your abilities though so be careful not to, although right now, there's no risk of this at all...

[Teeky3]

I agree with Whichwayisup's posting 100%. But SBBW...let me ask....who caused you so much pain? Reading all of your postings, you really are a sensitive person...I also sense that you are lonely and have a cast iron wall built up that you won't let anyone come near.

 

What has really happened to you for you to be so insensitive??

 

Your survival techniques are one that goes on the attack in all of your interactions. You are harsh, abrasive and abrupt and you have a hard time seeing this about yourself.

 

We all need girlfriends...every single one of us...and trust me, I am equally upfront and forthright (the ARIES in me) but I am equally sensitive, loving and genuinely care about what I say to people and how it affects them.

 

SBBW, you really will get more flies with honey. You don't have to let people see you sweat, but at least let them see that you have sweat glands.

[Trimmer]

You have shown your friend - "the turd", as you call her - what you are really made of. Now you need to take an honest look in the mirror so you can see what she saw. What does it mean to you to be a friend?

 

So then, lets say I do that. Then what?

 

Then you ask yourself, would I want to be a friend of the person I see in the mirror? Would anyone else?

 

As an example of the way in which you fail to be aware of yourself, you point out about your friend:

 

I thought how sad it was that this person has to find her friends on the net and that kept me from wanting to meet her in person.

Do you find no irony in the fact that the sentence previous to this was:

I talked to her on the net for nine months before I ever made the suggestion to meet her in person.

 

 

And, in-your-face is who I am. If she (or anyone) can't deal with that then there is no room for them in my life.

I think you've hit on it right there. It sounds like, based on who you are, and your attitudes about her, there is no room for her in your life.

[AriaIncognito]

In my own life I am number one, the queen bee as you put it. I don't put anyone else above myself .

 

I believe the above quote from your post could have just ended there and made the point you are so obviously making.

 

Sometimes, it's good to put others above ourselves. Sometimes, it's good to be humble.

[Teacher's Pet]

But yes. I feel bad for her. I'm glad she was invited to join another band.

 

So what kind of band is she in now?

 

What are they called?

 

What kind of music do they play?

 

Where are they playing?

 

I'd love to check HER band out, since she sounds like a good person living out a dream, and I'm sure many people on LS would love to support her efforts..

 

-tp

former bassist, "Texas Chili Dog" - former band promoter/DJ

[AriaIncognito]

So what kind of band is she in now?

 

What are they called?

 

What kind of music do they play?

 

Where are they playing?

 

I'd love to check HER band out, since she sounds like a good person living out a dream, and I'm sure many people on LS would love to support her efforts..

 

-tp

former bassist, "Texas Chili Dog" - former band promoter/DJ

 

Whatever the band is, has to play out more than the 1 time this "awesome band" she's in has played. I dont get it, why call yourselves such great musicians but never get any gigs? Usually, you get gigs, if you are half way decent.

 

J - former lead singer, percussionist, keyboardist for Spin Cycle/The Wize Gize, and holder of a degree in music. However, I acknowledge that others are way better than me. I'm not stupid.

[Teacher's Pet]

What I meant about weak minded people was that if someone can't handle my honesty, my no bull**** way of looking at life, my bitchiness, and me in general then they are weak minded in my eyes.

 

That's a sad attitude to have.

 

Keep that up, and your band will become a solo act in no time.

 

-tp

and we all know what happened to Michael when he left his brothers.

[Teacher's Pet]

J - former lead singer, percussionist, keyboardist for Spin Cycle/The Wize Gize, and holder of a degree in music. However, I acknowledge that others are way better than me. I'm not stupid.

 

Let's start our own band.

 

You could be the hot and talented lead singer, and I'm the ugly bass player.

 

I already have the t-shirt.

 

http://www.uglybassplayer.com

 

-tp

slappin' the 4-string since '87

[SBBW]

Ariawoman, you didn't include the whole sentance. This is what I said:

 

 

In my own life I am number one, the queen bee as you put it. I don't put anyone else above myself and my family, and all my friends, including her, are aware of this.

 

[AriaIncognito]

SWWB - I am aware of what you typed. however, by all of your post, it's clear you only think of yourself, therefore, I posted the quote as it should have been written.

[SBBW]

So what kind of band is she in now?

 

What are they called?

 

What kind of music do they play?

 

Where are they playing?

 

I'd love to check HER band out, since she sounds like a good person living out a dream, and I'm sure many people on LS would love to support her efforts..

 

-tp

former bassist, "Texas Chili Dog" - former band promoter/DJ

 

Truth is, I don't know. I can't answer any of your questions. She was invited to join them before we booted her. The wednesday before her last practice with us I met her for a drink and she told me they had asked her to join them. But they are just a fledgling band and she wasn't even sure what instrument she would be playing. They were debating as a group weather she would be playing keys or playing bass. They don't have a name, no plans for gigs, no website, no myspace, no nothing. They have only been together for under a month.

 

If you are that interested maybe I'll invite her here and she can pimp herself till doomsday.

[Teacher's Pet]

They might just be starting out, but I'm sure they will have a great website soon enough...

 

And trust me, I know the music business. Sometimes, that's all it takes to launch a local band.

 

-tp

former DJ/head comedy writer, WTRD Internet Radio "Where We Pimp Bands!"

[SBBW]

Whatever the band is, has to play out more than the 1 time this "awesome band" she's in has played. I dont get it, why call yourselves such great musicians but never get any gigs? Usually, you get gigs, if you are half way decent.

 

J - former lead singer, percussionist, keyboardist for Spin Cycle/The Wize Gize, and holder of a degree in music. However, I acknowledge that others are way better than me. I'm not stupid.

 

Our lead guitarist is working on getting us a gig. So far with little success. I'm starting to get annoyed with him actually, he is not dilivering on his promised.

[SBBW]

They might just be starting out, but I'm sure they will have a great website soon enough...

 

And trust me, I know the music business. Sometimes, that's all it takes to launch a local band.

 

-tp

former DJ/head comedy writer, WTRD Internet Radio "Where We Pimp Bands!"

 

I already told you they are just starting. That's what a fledgling band is.

[Teacher's Pet]

SBBW,

 

The point is this.

 

You call this person your best friend, but you lead her on, give her false hope of living out a dream, and then cast her aside, knowing all along you were planning on it.

 

On top of that, you were making fun of her behind her back, belittling her dreams?

 

And you call yourself a friend?

 

A real friend never talks about a friend behind their backs.

 

Unless it's Ariawoman, but she's a poopiehead.

 

-tp

mr. maturity.

[AriaIncognito]

I've never talked about you behind your back. Anything i have to say i say right to your face beatch. lol

[Teacher's Pet]

I already told you they are just starting. That's what a fledgling band is.

 

And where does your band stand? Obviously, you had an opening.

 

-tp

insert witty joke here

[Teacher's Pet]

I've never talked about you behind your back. Anything i have to say i say right to your face beatch. lol

 

Tomorrow....

 

It's on.

 

Oh, it's SO on.

 

 

*cracks knuckles*

 

-tp

but will NOT rollerskate!

[SBBW]

And where does your band stand? Obviously, you had an opening.

 

-tp

insert witty joke here

 

We've been playing together for a year. That makes us not fledglings.

[Teacher's Pet]

We've been playing together for a year. That makes us not fledglings.

 

As musicians, no, but until you've had some serious gigs, the band as a UNIT is new.

 

It's not that different in my field (standup comedy)... you can practice your jokes all you want with your friends, but until you are on the actual stage, you really don't know how it's going to turn out...

 

-tp

usually knows how it will turn out. lol

[SBBW]

All I meant was we've been together longer then this current band she's in. That makes us more experienced and a lot closer to getting a gig then they are.

 

WHen and if they ever do play out though I would love to be there because I'm curious about how they must sound.

[SBBW]

So, we have a new development in this story.

 

Tonight I was out and about and I ran into her. She works two jobs, one in her chosen field, in an office. The other is just a few hours a week at this very small retail store.

 

I went into that store to pick up a few things and was dissappointed to see she wasn't working. But then by some dumb luck she came in to pick up her check while I was in there.

 

I didn't see her at first. She walked behind me and tapped me on the arm. I turned around and was really excited to see her. She didn't say anything though. She just gave this little wave and nod and walked by me to her manager.

 

I did talk to her a little bit though. She was back up by the cash register a few minutes later. I asked her if maybe we could go for a drink this weekend. She told me she will be busy all weekend. I asked her "Well what are you doing later on tonight, just hanging out at home or what?" And she told me with way too much glee in her voice that she has practice with the new band. That hurt.

 

She was kind for the brief time we talked. But it was obvious she was very uncomfortable. She acted nervous and figity and kept looking around the store like she was expecting someone. She wouldn't look me in the eyes.

 

And then when I wasn't exactly done talking to her she started chit chatting with her two co-workers and they are all laughing and joking around about things that happened in the store this week while I'm stadning there looking like a dumbass.

 

Then I told her I had to get going and she said "Well it was good seeing you, have a good weekend."

 

Yea, I blew it.

 

But why the hell did she make herself so known to me if all she was gonna do was blow jme off. She walked by and touched my arm. If not I probly wouldn't have even seen her.

[Teacher's Pet]

But why the hell did she make herself so known to me if all she was gonna do was blow jme off.

 

Hate to tell ya this, but that's exactly what you did to her.

 

Even KNOWING you were going to remove her from the band, you let her keep coming to practices and giving her false hope.....

 

Now you see where she's coming from.

 

-tp

shoe's on the other foot.

[SBBW]

But she barely even knows those ditzes she works with at that store. I've known her for quite a whiel and she'd rather talk to them and act all uncomfortable around me.

 

I think she was just putting on some front for her oh so esteemed colegues.