Salesgirl Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I have a "situation" that doesn't exactly classify as FWB, but not exactly as BF/GF, either. It's tricky. This guy and I always liked each other, but he was always very adamant that he was afraid of committment and didn't want to get involved like that with someone. We were "seeing each other" (his words) for a few months and I never labeled it anything, but HE is the one that called me "his girl" and "his girlfriend" and he had even known how long we were seeing each other for! (which I find surprising). He always said that we were not exclusive, but then always said that he had no desire to see anyone else. When we broke up after a fight at a bar, he called ten times that night and left a message asking if I had gone home with other guys "in spite of him." When we broke up he said, "See whoever you want!" although, according to him, we always were. Again- although he said that he would be faithful and ONLY sleep with me. See how it is confusing? Anyhow, it seems like we always end up getting close and then he ends up backing off, only then to come back and apologize and say that he wants to hang out again or whatever. This has been going back and forth for 10 months. And yes, it is crazy! Just last night, he called basically out of nowhere after a few months. He has moved to another state, but we talked for about 45 minutes, and he said that he has been thinking about me, misses me, and wats to fly me out to where he is for a week and will pay for everything, and/or come visit me here. I said to him why don't you just go get a girl WHERE YOU ARE?? He said because he wants me, because I have the best body, because we are good together, etc. He is a very good looking guy and seriously he would have no problem finding someone to hook up with. So, why does he need to fly me up there or drive all the way here to come see ME? FWB? Could he possibly be THIS desperate for sex???
norajane Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 because I have the best body Sounds like a booty call, or, if not that, certainly a waste of your time and energy. What about you? Isn't there anyone else you'd like to date? Surely, if you have the best body, you aren't lacking for men who are interested in you. Focus on the guys who treat you well - none of this wishy washy back and forth nonsense - and who are actually located in your city.
Author Salesgirl Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 Even after you are out of their area? A booty call that will cost them hundreds of dollars? Why doesn't he just get someone closer to him then?
Author Salesgirl Posted May 21, 2007 Author Posted May 21, 2007 I guess to me, spending a whole entire week with someone is a lot. It's not just a weekend, but it's a whole week. Obviously, there's going to be a lot of hanging out, not just sex for days and days. And plus, since HE called me his gf before and all of his friends called me his girlfriend, I guess that's also where I get confused. I guess I'll find out.
humblegirl Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I think you should ask him that question when you see him. I think you already know the answer to your quesstion.
Author Salesgirl Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Well, my "friend" did come down to see me, but has acted really jealous. He always acts jealous but then says that he doesn't care. Like he called me but then he found out that I now live with two guys ( I just moved) and so the phone conversation went like this: Him: "You still at the same apt.?" Me: "No, I live with two guys now." Him: "What? Ok, fine, I guess you are busy, whatever!" Dial tone. Um? I had to call him back a few times and then text message him and tell him that I wanted to see him for him to call me back again. Then he did come over and we watched movies for awhile and he said that he didn't even really want to have sex, he just really wanted to see me. However, the first thing that he said to me was, "Be honest, are you f***ing any of these guys that you are living with? I don't care, I just want to know?" And I'm NOT, and so I said I'm not, but he did not seem to believe me! He asked me several times. And then he asked me, "When's the last time you had sex with someone? Today? Yesterday??" (cuz we aren't exclusive like we were before). I have had sex with one other person since we have been broken up or whatever and he told me that he has slept with two other people. When I told him about my other person, he was again asking questions, like when the last time I had sex with him was, and if that person still calls and stuff. It just seems like jealousy to me...? Any opinions??
nittygritty Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Think about what he is asking of you. He wants a woman who has no expectations of him. No love and no obligations. It would be very difficult for him to find another women who would agree to just having sex with him without wanting a monogamous relationship or commitment of some type. He doesn't want to share or plan his life with you, he only wants to get together and have sex whenever he feels like it. None of your emotional needs will ever be met. Don't you feel that you deserve more from a man you are having sex with? Buying you a plane ticket to get you to come have sex with him. It would be easier for him to pay someone locally for the same arrangement. I would recommend you refuse. At least he will have some respect for you.
Author Salesgirl Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 That's what I was thinking also.. it does seem like it would be a lot cheaper/easier for him to just get a hooker or something where he stays at.
Author Salesgirl Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 He hasn't been down to where I live in 3 months but now he has come down here. Now he said that he wants to come down again next week. I don't know if he will really or not. Like you said: it would be a lot easier for him to get a hooker or something where he lives. I agree. We WERE in a monogamous relationship before when he lived here- I told him that I would not be with him if he was sleeping with other people. And he did not sleep with other people when we were seeing each other then, and neither did I. But then we broke up and then we kept getting back together (sort of), but now we are living in other states so it seems sort of hard to be monogamous living that far away (but not impossible, of course). According to him (if he is telling the truth), he has only had sex two times with those two people. He is not the type of person who usually even has sexual relationships, even with "booty call" people.... it's usually more like if he has sex with someone, it'll be a one time thing. I yelled at him about him sleeping with one of the people, which was a one night stand.
nittygritty Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 You have already been agreeing to this arrangement, of course he will continue to keep asking. Say no, if you want something more.
roxy_1980 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Personally, I think that you're treding into dangerous waters here! You want a relationship, but he is indifferent. I personally believe that he called you his gf and acts jealous because he wants to keep you faithful while he does whatever the heck he wants. And if he gets caught well, "you're just hanging out and 'seeing each other', right?". Long distance relationship are hard enough to keep together. They are impossible with so much problems and no solid relationship foundation. Him being an indifferent jack@$$ doesn't help either. Oh, and please look at signature below, does that sound familiar? I'd tell the guy to take a long walk off a short pier.
Author Salesgirl Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Well, there is really no "getting caught" for him since we are not together and like i said above, he told me about the other two people who he slept with since we were apart. There is also no need for him to worry about making me be "faithful" for the same reason....in addition... I have slept with another person while we were apart, so if that was his plan, it did not entirely work. My life has not stopped for him. I still date other people- quite a bit actually. My life is not on hold for him.
Author Salesgirl Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 I have let him get away with some pretty horrific behavior in the past, but I've decided that he is going to start having more consequences for his behaviors. I actually started this a few weeks ago and he has been treating me better. You are correct that he has had it made pretty much with me. That is NOT the way it was originally with he and I, actually, when I demanded monogamy from him-- so I know that he is capable of that. But it has not been that way again since we have broken up and gotten back together again. I don't mind seeing him and stuff but he is going to have to do a better job in how he treats me... but I'm going to have to "re-teach" him how to treat me. So far he has responded well to my requests and demands of better behavior. But if he doesn't like it... then... good riddance.
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