Basketcat Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 I could really use some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. I’m 22 with 2 years left in college and he is 24 with a good career. Ever since we started dating he has always wanted to get married. I always felt that he was pushing me before I felt ready to get married. But now he is dead serious about getting married. He wants to get engaged now and get married right after I graduate. I love him and he is amazing. So why do I get down every time he brings up getting married? I feel really bad because I know he can tell that I’m not excited about getting married and it really hurts him. I can’t understand why I’m not happy about getting married. I feel like I’m at the point where I just have to force myself to get married. Am I just being selfish? It probably has to do with the fact that he is pretty much the only guy I have been with since I was 16. What should I do? I don’t know why I feel like this. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 In my opinion if you are having to ask if you should be getting married then you probably shouldn't be. You mentioned that he is the only guy you have been with since you were 16, is that something that you regret? Do you wish you that you had the chance to date more? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 So why do I get down every time he brings up getting married? This is what you need to find out. Without thinking about him, how hurt he is about it, etc. You need to figure out the answer to this question. It IS within you. If you are having these feelings DO NOT get married. You should get married when you feel excited and happy about it. When you are sure you are making the best decision for yourself. Until then just WAIT. It wouldn't do him any good to marry him because it is what he wants. Trust me, your reasons for why you are feeling what you are feeling will come out, YEARS could go by and then you want out which is devastating to the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 Well these feeling are not going to go away on their own, its just going to fester untill you cheat on him 8 years into the marriage. Dont get married now, figure out whatever you need to then commit. Link to post Share on other sites
Diamonds&Rust Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 It wouldn't do him any good to marry him because it is what he wants. Trust me, your reasons for why you are feeling what you are feeling will come out, YEARS could go by and then you want out which is devastating to the other person. WORD. (extending the length to ten characters?) Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 it's usually the guy who drags his feet when it comes to marriage! however, this is not a bad thing ... I think deep down, you know you must concentrate on your goals before committing yourself with a proposal, even when you're pretty sure about him being the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. can you two talk it over? Let him know what your intentions are, but that you feel you need to focus on completing your degree so that you can devote your energy to those things that come with an engagement/marriage? He might be hurt that you don't want to jump at the chance, but at least he will also know where you stand on the issue. doing something you're not ready to do is never a good idea, because it's going to be at the back of your mind that you "did this for him" rather than because it was a natural progression of things and the right time for those things to occur. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 if you think that way then don't. I feel really bad because I know he can tell that I’m not excited about getting married and it really hurts him. Tell him that if he's hurt now because you're not excited..he might be end up being even more 'hurt' down the road... Take all the time YOU need to figure it out. Personally I don't believe in marriage because I don't believe in permenancy... These days it's not: till death do us part but 'till death do us part or 5 years, whichever comes first'. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeforlove Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Hello all, I'm new to posting here, been reading for awhile now. I was in a similar situation. School is not an issue but I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16 as well. He is a little older then me and has wanted to get married for some time. It always seemed to push me away. I hit a point when I felt like I had to chose, I almost left him over it. He had to realize that I was not ready. I ended up taking a break and dating some other people, we did not agree on this, but someone suggested I try it. We got back together after that because I knew that I loved him more then anything. It took me dating other people to see that. However I regret more then anything dating other people. It took something special that we shared together and tossed it out the window. I still hurts me when I think about it but we are engaged and as happy as can be. I feel that if your with someone for 6 years and you still care about them, then it's something special thats not worth being thrown away. Maybe just cut back on time together till you get stuff worked out. hope this helps. -Karen Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 However I regret more then anything dating other people. It took something special that we shared together and tossed it out the window. Hopeforlove - The above part of your post has me a bit puzzled. Can you elaborate on that? What was "tossed out the window" simply because you spent time with someone else???? Did you have a sexual relationship with someone else? Just trying to understand why dating around would be such a bad thing.... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Hopeforlove - The above part of your post has me a bit puzzled. Can you elaborate on that? What was "tossed out the window" simply because you spent time with someone else???? Did you have a sexual relationship with someone else? Just trying to understand why dating around would be such a bad thing.... Yeah, I don't get that either. Isn't it better that you found out before you were married that he's the guy you want to be with than to just get married for the heck of it and still be wondering if you made the right choice 5-10 years down the road? BTW, 24 is too young to get married. What's his rush? Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Don't get married. You are not ready for it. At 22 you still need to experience life. Time to sit him down and have a candid talk with him about your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeforlove Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Sorry for the delayed response, things are just hectic. crazy_grl, you are right it was defiantly better that I figured it out. I just went to trying to fulfil what I thought I was missing. This had no boundaries and now that I realize that what I had was what I really wanted I wish i didn't do half the things I did. But it's something I have to live with. I'm just glad that it worked out. -Karen Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts