Freaking out about seeing him tomorrow

[spookie]

SO, for those of you who have followed my threads from my old name, this is Insomnie.

 

Long story short, I have been with a guy for about three years, the past one of which has been very on and off. A lot of it was my fault, a lot of it was his, we are both young (21) and immature. Usually I start and escalate our fights but he is the one to bail out of the reliatonship. Every time, after a couple of weeks apart with limited contact, he starts pestering me to hang out, I give in, we start a FWB thing, then some more time goes by and we fall back into the relationship.

 

Right now, we are off and the pattern is about to repeat itself. We've been keeping in touch as friends, and today I broke down and agreed to see him tomorrow. Now I am freaking out. I told myself when we broke up this time that I wouldn't go back to him unless he made some drastic changes, and I've been firm in my heart about this the entire month we've been apart. I don't want him back. I woudln't respect myself if I took him back so easily. So, I don't know what to do. We're supposed to go on a bike ride tomorrow. Should I go, but make sure it's friends-only? I don't know if I'd be able to handle that. Should I call him and make up an excuse? Be honest and say it's too soon to be friends? Blow him off? I'm having a panic attack about this...I regret answering the phone at all. I don't want to have to deal with this...I don't want to talk to him OR see him. I mean, I do, but I need him to exert some real effort in getting me back first. More effort than just a phone call and a date when it's convenient for him.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Be honest and say it's too soon to be friends?

 

I think this is your best bet, because it is the absolute truth.

[torranceshipman]

I agree with Lucrezia...I'm struggling with the same myself, I just split up with my ex (after his dad died), but he wants me to go to lunch with him n his mum this weekend...usually I'd say, no, too early as we've only just split up - I did tell him this - but he was sad and really wanted me there, and its only becuase of his recent bereavement and wanting to support him as a friend, that I'm going-might be painful for me, but I'll kept distance after that, if it is.

 

But I am with you...in any other situation, I'd do the friends only thing and say it was too early to meet-sounds like that might be better for you.

[Diamonds&Rust]

I don't want to talk to him OR see him. I mean, I do, but I need him to exert some real effort in getting me back first. More effort than just a phone call and a date when it's convenient for him.

So you like him, but you want him to make more of an effort before you take him back?

 

Why do you set up rules for yourself? Do you feel like if he makes more of an effort, things will be different in your ensuing relationship? Because I doubt it.

[Guest]

A lot of it was my fault, a lot of it was his, we are both young (21) and immature. Usually I start and escalate our fights but he is the one to bail out of the reliatonship.

 

Something I don't quite understand is why at first, you admit that the fault lies with the both of you, it seems as if you feel he is the only one who needs to change. (From the sound of it, both of you do.)

 

In my opinion, I think honesty is the best policy. Both of you should spend some time apart, and really think about the relationship and if both of you feel that it's valued enough that you both are willing to work through the possible changes that need to occur for the relationship to be successful.