Someone please help!

[D]

Hi,

 

My history: I am a 27yr old female and I have a 1year old beautiful baby boy. I am married for 2 1/2 years. I only knew my husband for 8 months before we were married. My mom died when I was 18 & my dad died when I was 21 (both died of cancer, I do not know if this information is important to my quesiton?)

 

My problem: Ever since my son was born in 11/98, I have had different feelings for my husband which have been getting worse. We are not intimate at all and really haven't been in the past year. I went to a Dr. in April and she said it was hormones. It is now December and I still feel the same way. I don't hate him or anything, but I am just not in love with him at all. Before we had a baby (baby was an accident, of course the best accident ever) we fought a lot and spoke of divorce. In August of this year he hit me and I called the police and he left, and lived with a relative for 3 months. I paid the mortgage, went to work, took care of the baby and the house. It was very hard, but I felt good about myself and knew I could do it. He moved back in in November and we tried counseling. Counseling brought up a lot of stuff about my growing up that I really didn't need to get into, and the holidays were coming, and it was hard to get there so we stopped going. We are getting along better, communicating more, but there is no passion or really much love between us. He told me last night that he really doesn't think we will ever get along and we should probably start getting a divorce. I am scared! I know I will probably be happier alone, but it is sooooo much, especially with a baby. I feel horrible to even think of putting my child through that (even though he is young, and probably won't remember) but I think that a child should have both his parents at all times. I am so confused and upset. Money will be very tight. I do not have any family to help me with this, all my friends are moved all over the country. I would love to talk to someone who has any advice, or has been through or going through a similar situation. Please email me or write back!! I would appreciate it greatly! Thanks for listening!

[robyn]

hello! yes i do know exactly what you are going through. I was very young when my first two children were born. I was 16 when i had my son and i was 17 when i had my second child. I was divorced by the time i was 20. my husband was very abusive to me and my children. i had both of my parents but my family had no money to help me get by. I was a child myself. But i have raised them and one more from my next failed marriage all on my own. My son is now 15 and is very gifted as an athlete. Which i can honestly say his father has never seen him play. The oldest two childrens father has pretty much never had anything to do with them after the divorce until maybe a year ago. My daughter found that he was still abusive to her and has chose to have no contact with him. My son sees him every once in a while. He only lives 8 miles fom us. My children do remember the abuse even though they were young. And i have the satisfaction now of seeing them achieve and knowing even though we had and still have alot of tuff times we are making it and i did it on my own. I did not have a great childhood either. but i made sure my children had better. I agree children should have two parents but is it better to have two parents and be miserable or have one and be happy? that is the question you must ask yourself. i wish you all the luck and i hope you make the right decision for you and your child.

11/98, I have had different feelings for my husband which have been getting worse. We are not intimate at all and really haven't been in the past year. I went to a Dr. in April and she said it was hormones. It is now December and I still feel the same way. I don't hate him or anything, but I am just not in love with him at all. Before we had a baby (baby was an accident, of course the best accident ever) we fought a lot and spoke of divorce. In August of this year he hit me and I called the police and he left, and lived with a relative for 3 months. I paid the mortgage, went to work, took care of the baby and the house. It was very hard, but I felt good about myself and knew I could do it. He moved back in in November and we tried counseling. Counseling brought up a lot of stuff about my growing up that I really didn't need to get into, and the holidays were coming, and it was hard to get there so we stopped going. We are getting along better, communicating more, but there is no passion or really much love between us. He told me last night that he really doesn't think we will ever get along and we should probably start getting a divorce. I am scared! I know I will probably be happier alone, but it is sooooo much, especially with a baby. I feel horrible to even think of putting my child through that (even though he is young, and probably won't remember) but I think that a child should have both his parents at all times. I am so confused and upset. Money will be very tight. I do not have any family to help me with this, all my friends are moved all over the country. I would love to talk to someone who has any advice, or has been through or going through a similar situation. Please email me or write back!! I would appreciate it greatly! Thanks for listening!

[kelly ann]

Hey I know you think your marriage is over but do you remember the vows you took? I don't know if you believe in god or the bible but The institute of marriage is sacried and you shouldn't just throw it all away.In your vows you probably said for better or worse MEAN THAT!!!!!! I think you and your husband can work it out with marriage counceling I know ya'll tried that but go back!!! You loved this man enough to make a baby you should at least do everything possible to keep it together

Hi, My history: I am a 27yr old female and I have a 1year old beautiful baby boy. I am married for 2 1/2 years. I only knew my husband for 8 months before we were married. My mom died when I was 18 & my dad died when I was 21 (both died of cancer, I do not know if this information is important to my quesiton?) My problem: Ever since my son was born in 11/98, I have had different feelings for my husband which have been getting worse. We are not intimate at all and really haven't been in the past year. I went to a Dr. in April and she said it was hormones. It is now December and I still feel the same way. I don't hate him or anything, but I am just not in love with him at all. Before we had a baby (baby was an accident, of course the best accident ever) we fought a lot and spoke of divorce. In August of this year he hit me and I called the police and he left, and lived with a relative for 3 months. I paid the mortgage, went to work, took care of the baby and the house. It was very hard, but I felt good about myself and knew I could do it. He moved back in in November and we tried counseling. Counseling brought up a lot of stuff about my growing up that I really didn't need to get into, and the holidays were coming, and it was hard to get there so we stopped going. We are getting along better, communicating more, but there is no passion or really much love between us. He told me last night that he really doesn't think we will ever get along and we should probably start getting a divorce. I am scared! I know I will probably be happier alone, but it is sooooo much, especially with a baby. I feel horrible to even think of putting my child through that (even though he is young, and probably won't remember) but I think that a child should have both his parents at all times. I am so confused and upset. Money will be very tight. I do not have any family to help me with this, all my friends are moved all over the country. I would love to talk to someone who has any advice, or has been through or going through a similar situation. Please email me or write back!! I would appreciate it greatly! Thanks for listening!

[Sandy]

Hi, My history: I am a 27yr old female and I have a 1year old beautiful baby boy. I am married for 2 1/2 years. I only knew my husband for 8 months before we were married. My mom died when I was 18 & my dad died when I was 21 (both died of cancer, I do not know if this information is important to my quesiton?) My problem: Ever since my son was born in 11/98, I have had different feelings for my husband which have been getting worse. We are not intimate at all and really haven't been in the past year. I went to a Dr. in April and she said it was hormones. It is now December and I still feel the same way. I don't hate him or anything, but I am just not in love with him at all. Before we had a baby (baby was an accident, of course the best accident ever) we fought a lot and spoke of divorce. In August of this year he hit me and I called the police and he left, and lived with a relative for 3 months. I paid the mortgage, went to work, took care of the baby and the house. It was very hard, but I felt good about myself and knew I could do it. He moved back in in November and we tried counseling. Counseling brought up a lot of stuff about my growing up that I really didn't need to get into, and the holidays were coming, and it was hard to get there so we stopped going. We are getting along better, communicating more, but there is no passion or really much love between us. He told me last night that he really doesn't think we will ever get along and we should probably start getting a divorce. I am scared! I know I will probably be happier alone, but it is sooooo much, especially with a baby. I feel horrible to even think of putting my child through that (even though he is young, and probably won't remember) but I think that a child should have both his parents at all times. I am so confused and upset. Money will be very tight. I do not have any family to help me with this, all my friends are moved all over the country. I would love to talk to someone who has any advice, or has been through or going through a similar situation. Please email me or write back!! I would appreciate it greatly! Thanks for listening!

I have only one thing to say about this situation. In some ways it is a no win situation, I am sure that isn't what you want to hear. It is terrible for a child to have to live through the divorce of his parents, but it is even more terrible for a child to live in a house where it is obvious that his parents don't love each other. The child is likely to start thinking it is his fault. DON'T let this happen. Regardless of what you decide(divorce or not) Make sure that your child knows that it is in no way his fault. Also, stay "friends" with your childs other parent, and make sure that your child always knows that you both love him very much. Don't make him feel guilty for wanting to spend time with the other parent, or for loving the other parent. Talk to your child as he grows up. You may think he is too young now to remember the actual divorce, but as he grows up he will still be a child of divorced parents and may need to discuss his feelings with you. You make the choice of weather to get divorced or not, whatever will make YOU the happiest. But whatever you decide, take care of your child and make sure he knows that he is loved by both parents. This is important.