I'm starting to lose my sureness

[pennyjosix]

Okay, let me throw a little background info out. I met my guy 4 years ago; he's always lived in arkansas, and i've always lived in texas. He lives where my parents are from so I have many relatives in his town. We liked each other, but he didn't wanna do LD blah blah, but we were still extremely close. So for 2 years on and off he was juggling me and another girlfriend he eventually got so needless to say I was a big rollercoaster.

 

So now he is finally with me. We have been together for over a year now, and we are good for the most part. His ex gf still meddles in our relationship from time to time which irritates me because she lives there and I dont. My guy and I have mutual friends so if anything was slightly still going on with him and his ex I'd know in a heartbeat so I know he's not going behind my back, but of course I'm still unsure. There have been a lot of white lies and bending the truth and going back and forth in the 4 years we've known eachother and it's now taking a toll on me.

 

Before we were together I swore up and down I'd forgive him for everything if I could just get ONE chance because I was SOOO in love. I'm still very much so in love but ANGRY about our past. What do I do? How do you just move on?

[Island Girl]

Well, you say you are sure you'd know if anything is going on -- and only you know how sure that is.

 

If that is the case -- and things happened before you were committed, well, I'm not sure what you have to be mad about.

 

You say "I was a big roller coaster" -- not sure about that either. Do you mean you were on a roller coaster?

 

But the first rule of moving forward is true forgiveness. That does not mean that you forget. There is just no way to do that.

 

What you need to do to forgive is - not bring it up in any way, shape, from, or context. It is the past so leave it there.

 

You have made a choice to be with him and move forward and just realize it is not fair to him, you, or the relationship to drag this baggage along. It will destroy the relationship if you give it a seat and trek it along with you everywhere.

 

You told him you'd forgive him for everything that happened if you got a chance to have the relationship. He gave you the chance and now you have to do your part and just let go of the past anger and blame. If you don't, he has every reason to be angry with you or even dump you because of it.

 

Give him a chance to prove to you who he is and what this relationship means to him.

And give yourself a chance to do the same.

 

By the way, the only way an ex can meddle in a relationship is if they are allowed to do so. If there are children involved the ex has a lot more leverage but your relationship should be kept away from the troublesome people.