SoftKitten43 Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 Ok guys - here is my problem. I have been seeing this guy named Mark for a couple of years now. I guess you could say we are pretty serious, I mean we haven't talked about the future, like marriage, or anything, we just basically always have a good time together. (BTW I am 22 and he is 25). Ok, well our sex life is basically just OK. He gets the job done, but nothing wows me about his technique, and his member is just average. But I stay with him cause he really is a sweet guy. Ok, well he has this older brother, Joey (28). We always hang out with Joey and go on double dates with him and his dates and stuff, and he is a blast to hang out with too. I have always had an instant underlying attraction to Joey. He is a lot more built than Mark, and he is a lot more attractive in the face. Mark is more boy-ish cute. Joey is a little bit more manly. Anyway, Mark and I were over at his house the other night just chilling watching movies when Joey came home upset. He went into this story about how he just found out the girl he was seeing was dating another guy, and wanted to break up with him. He was pretty upset about it and even though we invited him to hang out with us and watch movies, he just said he was going to bed. Well, a couple of hours later, Mark had fallen asleep on the couch, and I was wide awake, so I decided to go check on Joey to make sure he was ok (with honest intentions, I swear). When I went to his bedside and said his name, he turned over and said "Hey" like he was glad to see me. I just asked him if he was ok, and he said yeah, and then I sat down and we just started chatting. Well, that chat turned into an hour long discussion about relationships, and I came to find out that we have pretty much the same view on relationships and dating. Before I knew it, he leaned in to kiss me. I didn't stop him. One thing lead to another and we were fooling around. Then, leading further, we ended up having sex. It was the best sex I think I have ever had. He is so much better than Mark. We agreed afterwards to keep that to ourselves, since we knew it would do nothing but hurt Mark. well, It's been about a week since that happened and Mark still has no clue. I really have strong feelings for Joey and I feel like I am betraying Mark by staying with him when it's Joey that I want. But I would hate to end it with Mark, and then Joey tell me that he just did that on the rebound, and he doesn't want to get involoved with me. I mean, I don't see how he couldn't want something between us after that talk we had, but then again I know he was hurt because of his ex and just wanted someone to show him affection. But I do think there is a possibility that he might date me.......if he knew Mark didn't know or didnt' care. I just don't know what to do about it. Can anyone help me? Link to post Share on other sites
Tolkien Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 So let me get this straight, you cheated on your boyfriend with his older brother, had some great sex and now your not so sure about mark? Well, I can tell you right now, a marriage with Mark will NEVER work for two reasons. 1) You have the fact that you cheated on him hanging over your head and 2) If you tell him, he will break up with you. Once you cheat on a guy, it's just a matter of time before the relationship ends. It's a clear sign your not happy with the relationship, or some aspects of it, like sex. I think, in the end, you will have lost both of them, I mean, if I were Joey I don't know if I would date a girl that had cheated on her last boyfriend. Ok, so get this, if you do start dating him, which I doubt will happen, you will distance Joey and yourself from his own family, his parents will not like you, and bla bla bla, all that good stuff. The purpose of dating is to eventually find a marriage partner right? Well your not going to have it with either of them, so just slowly break it off with both of them, and go find someone new, and don't make this mistake again. Link to post Share on other sites
lostone Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 Why do people stay with their "supposed" loved ones if they aren't satisified with them? Why stay with someone if you have an underlying attraction for someone else? You know how upset Joey was when he found out his g/f found out she was cheating on him? Well, Mark is apt to feel the same way when he finds out about you and Joey. You just threw a huge sh**burger into that family. Figure out who you want to go out with. I wouldn't go out with you if I was Joey, because you are a cheater! Whatever happened to morals, values, ethics and honesty these days? Link to post Share on other sites
SoftKitten43 Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 There is one thing I forgot to mention in my post. - Me and Mark have never talk about our relationship like it's marriage material. We have been dating for 2 years and he has never even told me he loves me. I know he's not ready to settle down, and frankly, I would like to find that special someone. I know Joey is ready, but that's not why I want him. I think Mark knows as well as I do that we are only in this relationship to play until we find someone better. We have a great time together and he is a nice guy.....but we are not totally committed to each other. Therefore I think I have grounds to explore my options. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 honey, I would not want to be in your shoes for a million dollars. As hard as this might be to consider, the honorable thing to do is to break it off with your boyfriend. He might not understand, especially if he thinks things are fine between the two of you, but you need to do it. Then get as far away from the both of them as possible – give yourself some distance and some time to let things settle down. Don't try to see if his brother is interested in dating you, because that'll only make the break-up even harder on him when he realizes that you ditched him only to be with his brother. And it'll be much much worse when he realizes that you two slept together. you made a mistake, and while you can't undo it, you can make sure that you don't add to it by seeking Joey out, no matter how badly you may want to. You say you don't want to be Joey's rebound, but if you were to start seeing him romantically after breaking it off with his brother, he would technically be YOUR rebound .... right now Joey looks very attractive because you're unhappy with aspects of your relationship with his brother, but that's not a strong enough reason to get involved with him. Take some time out, alone, for yourself and decide what exactly it is you hope to accomplish in a relationship with a significant other and how you plan to ensure it. This isn't meant to be mean, but just advice to help you figure out how to avoid making the same mistake should circumstances repeat themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftKitten43 Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 And as far as his family not liking me - I haven't ever even met them. They live in a different state. Mark and Joey live together in the same town that I live in, where they attended college and now work. Ok, I think that's all! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 you state "I think I have grounds to explore my options" and I agree with you fully. However, under ideal circumstances, it wouldn't be with your boyfriend/lover's brother while you're still involved with him, because it just gets very, very messy, and you don't need that. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 You cheated on your boyfriend with his brother. Clearly you don't care about the brother - so break up with him. As for the other brother - I doubt he'd be interested in anything more than a fling with you. After all - look what you've shown him: you're a cheater, and even worse - you cheated on his brother, you don't respect the rule of keeping away from your ex's friends and family and you'll sleep with him at the drop of a hat. Not exactly what great relationships are made of. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 ...title of the show, "I Screwed My Boyfriend's Brother - And Right Under The Same Roof"..... Tacky, tacky, tacky. The morality issue aside, what the hell were you thinking......playing hide the salami only a few feet away (in another room) from your boyfriend? He was asleep on the couch..what if he'd woken up and heard the noise, or wondered where you were and looked around the house for you? Not the sharpest tack in the box. You'd be better off to just leave them both alone. If Mark doesn't do it for you, and your biggest complaint with him is that he's not a dynamo in bed/isn't hung like a horse, then respect his feelings enough to end it, so that he can find a gal who has more mature priorities.....hell, you've been with him for 2 yrs now, I'm sure his 'style' in bed has not been any different all this time.....but NOW you are bringing it up to justify your interest in his brother? Shame shame. Joey is no doubt on the rebound. He likely woke up the next morning, only to remember that his recent ex screwed him over.......that he's no longer with her......and that he committed a virtual cardinal sin by bonking his brother's girl. Good thing Mark has never discussed your relationship, or marriage...cuz look where you're at in life? Able to justify the fact that you slept with his brother. Brother's talk. I'm sure the guilt that Joey will feel will become so overwhelming that he'll tell Mark....considering HE himself knows what it's like to find out he's been with an unfaithful chick. What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 I think everyone has said what I would say - (I thought about Jerry Springer too!) I think you just screwed yourself right out of a future with either of them, and I only hope the brothers can patch things up and get you out of their lives totally and you can grow up and learn from this. And I hope you used a condom. Originally posted by SoftKitten43 so I decided to go check on Joey to make sure he was ok (with honest intentions, I swear). Yeah Right. Link to post Share on other sites
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