I guess it's time...

[Saxis]

Slightly off topic but how is your gf doing?

 

She underwent surgery to clear her lungs, spent another week in the hospital and is now at home recovering. Things have pretty well tapered off with us. She never answers her phone but texts, which I can't really stand, so communication has been cut down to a couple messages every 3 days or so. Fine with me... we're very agreeable in our life goals anyway. I'm happy she's getting better though - she's one of the nicest people I've met.

[Saxis]

Thought you all might like to hear the real version...

 

She DID ask me to move into the new place with her. My reaction --> . I did stop by one night whilst dropping off our daughter. It's a pretty nice place and at a good price, so I'm happy for her. She's backed off on most of the BS, but still asks about counseling ever so often, hoping that I've changed my mind.

 

This week we're getting together to discuss getting our daughter involved in some activities through her work and hopefully finalizing the parenting plan. Then I can seek a court date!

[ShoeGirl]

 

April Fools! Not in a million years!

 

This was the only April Fool's joke I fell for, but I was worried you really had lost it and from what you have said before it seemed like something she would do!

 

Glad you wouldn't go there

[Saxis]

Holy crap! I haven't updated this in a long time! Here's the skinny:

 

 

I finally did manage to get a revised parenting plan in place and a court date to finish it as an uncontested divorce. There were still a few issues with the revised parenting plan, which I was going to submit in the final plan on the court date. I show up and she flat out refuses to sign, deciding that she wants to continue it as a contested divorce. I hired my lawyer today and am pushing for 50/50 custody. I think the X is clueless as to what's going on. Don't think she has counsel or anything, and we may have a trial next Friday, giving her no time to prepare. Who knows if she'll even remember to show up...

 

The girlfriend situation is another ordeal altogether, so I made an updated thread here.

[Saxis]

Just came back from the lawyer's office. They were in the process of preparing all the paperwork and we proposed a revolving 2-2-3, 50/50 custody plan. Lawyer pulled all the court records yesterday and there's no sign of the X having any kind of representation. I'm somewhat in disbelief right now that this could potentially work out largely in my favor.

[LisaUk]

Hi, I'm intrigued about your story, but have not had time to go back over your whole thread yet. What is this psychosis you mentioned?

 

You sound like you are doing great, any tips for us just starting out?

[Saxis]

Hi, I'm intrigued about your story, but have not had time to go back over your whole thread yet. What is this psychosis you mentioned?

 

You sound like you are doing great, any tips for us just starting out?

 

No idea how I came up with the term 'psychosis'. I guess because my X has been, well... a psycho through this whole ordeal, so I coined it as a state of psychosis.

 

As for tips:

 

If your X is giving you grief, threatening or trying to drag the process out; hire a lawyer ASAP. Also, keep your dating very casual until you know with certainty you are ready to move on.

[Saxis]

So the STBX sent me a message yesterday asking what day we have court... She had no idea it was this Friday apparently.

 

She got the papers, called my lawyer and of course she didn't agree with anything. He advised her that she could try to work something agreeable out with me. She called, bawling on the phone as usual. Said she didn't agree with the parenting plan because it wasn't "fair". I asked how that could be? It is a perfect 50/50 split on all custody! She had no answer... just that "it isn't fair".

 

Instead she wanted to know why I thought she was a "bad mother". I had listed occasions on which I picked up our daughter from school looking like a homeless child: one time she was not bathed and hair done the same way I put it the day before, but ties and hair were broken into a mangled mess.

 

I talked to my lawyer and he told me the same thing he told her: It would be more beneficial for both of us to come to an agreement rather than let the judge decide. If that was going to happen, I wouldn't have contacted a lawyer in the first place.

 

So now she wants to know when we can get together to discuss the parenting plan. I'm just completely against this. Every time we've tried to have a discussion, it turns into an emotional bawling and attempted manipulation party in which I get frustrated and leave, with nothing resolved. There is absolutely no reason it can't be discussed on the phone.

[phineas]

Instead she wanted to know why I thought she was a "bad mother". I had listed occasions on which I picked up our daughter from school looking like a homeless child: one time she was not bathed and hair done the same way I put it the day before, but ties and hair were broken into a mangled mess.

 

This annoys me to no end concerning my two sons.

 

We have more clothes than I know what to do with for both kids.

I gave her boxes of clothes to take with her when she moved out & when she drops the kids off their still in the same clothes they had on the day before. WTF?!? she doesn't work until the afternoon.

 

What does she do all day that she can't take 5 minutes to change their clothes?

 

heck the 3 yr old takes 5 mins. if that to shower & the 1 yr old just as quickly in his baby tub.

 

The removable shower head is key. Her apartment don't have one.

But still.

[Saxis]

This annoys me to no end concerning my two sons.

 

What does she do all day that she can't take 5 minutes to change their clothes?

 

heck the 3 yr old takes 5 mins. if that to shower & the 1 yr old just as quickly in his baby tub.

 

Exactly... she wonders how I can say that "our daughter looks unkempt when I pick her up" in our divorce paperwork, because she does take care of her. Then when I have her, she whines about having to bathe and brush her teeth/hair every night and morning. So I ask her if she doesn't have to do these things at mom's house and she flat out says "No!". Well, she is only 5 and does tell a lot of lies when she thinks she's done something wrong or trying to have her way. Unfortunately, there's no way to verify what goes on at mom's house. She can just deny my suspicions. Even the grandparents have stated similar instances like the one I mentioned though. I have never and would never let my daughter go to school looking like she does some days though.

 

I just don't know what I can do about it. It's completely obvious that she let's some basic parenting and care functions slip. When it's brought to her attention, she flips her lid and bawls on the phone, wanting to know why I think she's a horrible mother.

[Saxis]

We had about an hour long discussion of the parenting plan last night. She saw the one I proposed with 50/50 custody, and knew that's what I wanted. She offered every other weekend and Thursdays every week. Her reasoning was that she didn't want our daughter to have a broken schedule during the school year. Somewhat understandable, but we're supposed to have shared parenting functions of her schooling. I asked how I would able to do that if I had only 1 day.

 

It continued like this, started to get a little heated and turns into a big financial debate, going back to the date of separation. She flat out threatens me: "If you continue to propose 50/50 custody, I'll ask the judge for you to pay my doctor bills because you took me off insurance before we were divorced!". And then, "You're only asking for more custody so you can pay less child support!". That really pissed me off... This was my response: "You just tried threatening me with paying your doctor bills to get me to back down, when you signed the paperwork stating we were responsible for our own debts. I actually gave you FREE health insurance for 10 months after we filed. That makes me believe the ONLY reason you want full custody is to collect full child support. Who REALLY looks like the gold digger here?". She replies, "Yeah, I shouldn't have threatened you. I probably won't use that in court..."

 

So... nothing is resolved. Because she played ignorant and didn't bother to prepare for our court date tomorrow, she is filing a continuance. There's a chance the judge denies her request, probably slim. Nothing but more BS...

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why is she offering you only every other weekend. Doesnt she want the kid to live a stable life? WTF. Yeah six I know it's frustrating. I think if you cant solve anything with a mediator then you might have no other option than to go to court.

 

I see it happening that way if she cant or wont be amicable. What the hell is her problem? Doesnt she want this over or not. Sounds to me like emotionally she's still deep into you but wants you as the bad guy but your not.

 

Your a good father and she sees that, but her emotions is trying to make you out to be bad.

 

Who has custody now? And why not a 50/50? it makes things even and fair. and she should be concerned with her own health insurance especially if you dont want to be married anymore. Why wouldnt you take her off?

[phineas]

She's staying on my health insurance until we are divorced.

She told me to take her off in a big huff.

Yet, she is still using it when she goes to the Dr. LOL!

 

My kids will stay on my insurance also.

 

My oldest is 3 I got a few yrs before school starts up.

But it's going to get very screwed up then.

[Saxis]

So, we went to court today. Lawyer said that we got the judge who is most apt to rule in favor of a father wanting custody, so that's good. STBX showed up without representation. Judge asked if she was prepared for trial and she just stood up there stammering about how she thought we were using the current parenting plan and setting it in stone. That she had no idea I wanted to change it. Said she has a proposed parenting plan but doesn't have it on paper. He just repeats his question: "Are you prepared for trial or do you need a continuance?". She asked for a continuance. Unusual argument, considering our uncontested divorce was dragged out due to disagreements in the parenting plan.

 

Then I asked for 3 weeks of custody, starting today, before our daughter starts school. X agreed to it in front of the judge, and as a condition since she is not working this month, she'll take our daughter while I'm at work, with me providing the transportation. Better than daycare at least... My lawyer and her were sent to write an order for it, when the option of me taking vacation days from work was brought up, during which I wouldn't drop her off with the X. My lawyer proposed to give 48hrs notice if I decided to take vacation days. She completely flipped out, demanded that she would only agree if she was guaranteed to get our daughter every single day. Keep in mind we are still in court. My lawyer comes out rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Classic! I'm thinking, "Now he knows what I deal with constantly!". We go back in front of the judge, she's bawling her eyes out and whining. He simply tells her: "The purpose of this order is to give [me] Summer vacation with his child. If he's able to get time off work, that will be HIS time. If not, you get her during the day. I'm signing this order!".

 

It was priceless! Kinda hard to watch though. She acted like I was taking our daughter away forever. 3 weeks isn't much, especially when she'll have her most of that time during the day. I plan on trying to get a full week of vacation.

 

Court to be continued Sept. 11, of all days....