I guess it's time...

[Saxis]

Hahahaha.... Well Melovator, that at least gave me a pretty good laugh, which I haven't done much of over this ordeal. Sleeping with her is just not going to happen. The piece that Gunny quoted is exactly how she would deal with it I think. She asked me what I thought about "friends with benefits" and I told her that it wouldn't work because she feels differently about it than I do. To her, it probably would be just sex, but it would just prolong me getting over her. I think it's just been sex to her for the last 2 years, about the time she wasn't in love with me anymore. She would rarely want to, usually just after drinking with her friends, and it was always, "No foreplay, no kissing. I'm ready! Just do what you know I like until we're both done, then no cuddling!" and then she'd get off immediately and go wash herself up. Actually, this all started when she got a really bad infection, and the Dr. told her to make sure she cleans well after sex, so she always just blamed it on that, and it created an aversion. Not being in love didn't help it...

 

I think you have it backwards though:

Just be completely honest "I am not looking for a relationship with anyone right now, I am looking for some respectful, safe, adult fun and THAT'S IT!"

 

As tempting as that sounds, I'd rather be looking for a relationship built on trust and communication, rather than lust and sex. How many women would actually believe me though? I have no problems bushing the ones that don't. I don't need anyone else wasting my time and money.

 

Oh well, she'll be gone to Cali for a couple months, leaving in 11 days. I just wish it was a lot sooner than that, but at least I won't have to worry about her for a while.

[Melovator]

Hahahaha.... Well Melovator, that at least gave me a pretty good laugh, which I haven't done much of over this ordeal. Sleeping with her is just not going to happen. The piece that Gunny quoted is exactly how she would deal with it I think. She asked me what I thought about "friends with benefits" and I told her that it wouldn't work because she feels differently about it than I do. To her, it probably would be just sex, but it would just prolong me getting over her. I think it's just been sex to her for the last 2 years, about the time she wasn't in love with me anymore. She would rarely want to, usually just after drinking with her friends, and it was always, "No foreplay, no kissing. I'm ready! Just do what you know I like until we're both done, then no cuddling!" and then she'd get off immediately and go wash herself up. Actually, this all started when she got a really bad infection, and the Dr. told her to make sure she cleans well after sex, so she always just blamed it on that, and it created an aversion. Not being in love didn't help it...

 

Ahhh, sounds like she's been having 'just sex' with you for a while... and still making you do all the work, selfish!... she always had her eyes closed? (Just guessing). And no cuddling... that's kind of the big give away... because lots of women I know will put up with mediocre sex just because they want the cuddles after... and even with a history of urinary tract infections there are steps you can take to ensure cuddle time...

 

I think you have it backwards though:

As tempting as that sounds, I'd rather be looking for a relationship built on trust and communication, rather than lust and sex. How many women would actually believe me though? I have no problems bushing the ones that don't. I don't need anyone else wasting my time and money.

 

Oh well, she'll be gone to Cali for a couple months, leaving in 11 days. I just wish it was a lot sooner than that, but at least I won't have to worry about her for a while.

 

Sorry I forget not everyone has sex on the brain like me...

 

No, not many women would believe you because there's all these messages coming at us everyday (TV being the largest transmitter) saying "Who you are inside is not as important as your tw@t". And I know living saints of women who think that because they're not conventionally 'beautful' (ie no ass, no tits, looking like a starving child at worst or a prepubescent boy at best) no-one will ever want them, and they can't see how beautiful they are inside. So then they're really nice women with big issues...

 

But if you really are serious then not trying to have sex with them would convince them of your sincerity, earning you bonus points for being a gentleman provided she wasn't absolutely hanging for it, then she'd just get frustrated... not pretty...

 

Saxis, welcome to the f**ked up psyche of the modern woman! Oh hang on- you've already had your rude introduction...

[Saxis]

she always had her eyes closed? (Just guessing).

Pretty much... I know sex was just not very good anymore, for either of us. She didn't want me, and I knew it but not sure why. She'd always tell me she didn't know why, and that it was probably a chemical imbalance or whatever.

Sorry I forget not everyone has sex on the brain like me...

 

Well, I never said I didn't... When the X and I started dating, that's pretty much all we did the first year we were together. I went through about a two month period where I wasn't sure I was in love with her either, and I was actually refusing sex. That cleared up rather quickly though....

 

But if you really are serious then not trying to have sex with them would convince them of your sincerity, earning you bonus points for being a gentleman provided she wasn't absolutely hanging for it, then she'd just get frustrated... not pretty...

 

I guess this is easier said than done. I have no idea what's going on out there in the single world, but I hear my share of stories from people (mostly the X's friends). I'd want to get to know them a few months before jumping in the sack at least. Hard to explain: I guess I'd rather be able to trust the person enough to let them in before going the distance.

 

Saxis, welcome to the f**ked up psyche of the modern woman! Oh hang on- you've already had your rude introduction...

 

Roger that! It's nice to hear a humorous viewpoint of it all. I can't say that I won't miss her when she's gone, but already my day to day has leveled off with less drama. She's even still living with me until she leaves, and she says I'm still one of her best friends. I just can't trust her like that anymore. I've never had a best friend tell me things like she has: I loved you at first, but I only got married because I was scared of being alone raising our child. -or- I haven't been in love with you for 2 years and I've been lieing to you about $2,200 of credit card debt (which you have to pay for by the way). Friend my @ss! On second thought, maybe trusting complete strangers doesn't sound like a bad idea after all!

[Melovator]

Hard to explain: I guess I'd rather be able to trust the person enough to let them in before going the distance.

 

Understandable- there's a difference between making love and having sex, making love satisfies an emotional as well as physical urge- having sex is just scratching an itch. If you're not the sort of person who can do 'sex without love' (And Ben Lee has a new song out of that very title! which is v sad/funny) then of course you don't want to leave yourself open to a near stranger.

 

and she says I'm still one of her best friends. I just can't trust her like that anymore. I've never had a best friend tell me things like she has: I loved you at first, but I only got married because I was scared of being alone raising our child. -or- I haven't been in love with you for 2 years and I've been lieing to you about $2,200 of credit card debt (which you have to pay for by the way). Friend my @ss! On second thought, maybe trusting complete strangers doesn't sound like a bad idea after all!

 

Yeah she ain't your friend! And is that just the credit card debt you know about? What else has she got?

 

At least with complete strangers you know that if you give them the keys to your house there's a good chance they might steal your stuff...

[Saxis]

Well, they left this morning. Our daughter really doesn't understand that I won't be able to see her for 3 months. Now that I don't have to live with the X, I don't think I'll be so pissed off at the situation and her anymore. I don't want to be angry at her, but it was just hard to deal with her, and I spent a lot of time away from the house the last month to get away from it all. She even said that I've looked happier the last few weeks since we've kinda went our separate ways. I'm just trying to look at the next 3 months as my time to patch things up for myself, which I neglected for so long to keep us together. I've already got a lot of things planned for myself: I have an old 1958 boat restoration project to work on, joining a friend's bowling league, helping a friend move into his new house in Seattle, some weekend salmon fishing trips, a week of deer hunting with my brother, some maintenance work on my car, maybe helping my best friend fix up his house.... The list goes on and on. All these things I never had the chance to do with her around, either because of time or money, which I have plenty of both now. It makes me sad and excited at the same time.

 

I was thinking about dating again already, but not so sure that's a good idea anymore. How many women will stick around with the extra baggage I'll have now? I mean, the X will never be out of my life completely, and she's even renting a room from me to store most of her belongings, so all her crap is still in the house. If someone happens along and is able to understand the situation, it would be nice to experience a real relationship again. Anyone have any insight on how this is all supposed to work out? Just give it time?

[Saxis]

Ouch...

 

I didn't realize it would hurt so much. My STBXW said that she thinks she is falling in love with someone new already. I thought that I was getting pretty good with the idea of her with someone else, but I never expected it so soon. That's just another lie that I can pile on top of all the others she's told me. She said that she didn't want another relationship, because she wasn't going to put our daughter in that situation. I just feel sick to my stomach...

[sumdude]

Ouch...

 

I didn't realize it would hurt so much. My STBXW said that she thinks she is falling in love with someone new already. I thought that I was getting pretty good with the idea of her with someone else, but I never expected it so soon. That's just another lie that I can pile on top of all the others she's told me. She said that she didn't want another relationship, because she wasn't going to put our daughter in that situation. I just feel sick to my stomach...

 

:sigh:

 

Y'know Sax ... I could be wrong but there's a good possibility that something else has been going on for some time... if you think about it, how sex was, how she acted.. the disappearances

 

She waited until now to start the revelations hoping that you would be better able to handle it, be out of the house, avoid very unpleasant scenes and of course the guilt.

 

I'm half expecting that shoe to drop sometime after our divorce tomorrow... I'm calling it the October surprise.

 

Don't get too down on yourself, if you feel you contributed to the fall of the relationship that's OK but it wasn't you who ended it. Learn, forgive yourself and move on... not always easy but no one said life is easy.. Chin up, chest out and head high.. you're a good man and life gets better from here.

 

I would tell her it's time her to be responsible for all her own stuff... she can get a damn storage unit. Do you need her money that badly or can you get a roommate? Take your time with new relationships, you're still getting out of this one.

[Saxis]

Thanks for the reply sumdude. I don't think she actually cheated on me, but I have no doubt that she was browsing around. She was gaining a LOT of "guy friends" towards the end. Many of them married even.

 

No, I don't need her money. I was just trying to help her out a bit because she couldn't afford a storage unit. I make plenty of money to live very comfortably by myself, but I'm also worried that will change when the divorce goes through, and the court awards the highest child support to me because she doesn't have a job. I feel that I NEED to talk to a lawyer, even though we decided we wouldn't do that to each other. I don't want to get blind-sighted at the very end though.

 

I really feel like the only way I can get through this is by going No Contact for a long period of time. That's not really possible with our daughter in the mix. I just wish that I never had to see her again! I think about her and I just get angry!

 

I think that is a big reason I want to date again. It would probably just end up being a rebound, and I'm not the kind of person that could hurt someone like that. When I find someone I really like, I latch on pretty well. When I'd get a crush on some girl before I was married, it'd be a monogamous crush. I wouldn't even consider anyone else! I see plenty of good looking girls around, but I just can't get my mind off the X!

[Melovator]

Talk to a lawyer, you are not a bad person for wishing to clarify your legal rights. She has made the decision to end the relationship, she cannot rely on your support to live the life she has chosen to live without you. There is also nothing wrong in saying "I can't have your stuff here, it reminds me of too much." And if you don't want her staying with you, too bad, too sad for her.

 

No, you can't have NC when you have a child, try for minimal contact, ie no personal talk, this can be difficult I find because sometimes I 'forget' and just respond to a question like I used to, but once I remember I take the conversation back to safe territory, ie our son. I don't ask him how he is or what he's doing, I'm not interested. Its not about being rude, its about maintaining cordial relations between co-parents and facilitating your child's relationship with the both of you. Of course when I see him, instead of talking on the phone, it gets a lot harder...

 

Seriously- you're better off spending your money on IC and self-help books than on dating. Especially if you have a tendency to latch on easy. KNow who you are before adding someone else to the mix.

 

Take care.

[Saxis]

Argh... I just need to vent. I have no idea what to do with all this anger. I can go from happy to angry to depressed in about 5 seconds just thinking about everything. Right now I just feel nervous. I'm shaking at my desk and my stomach is turning.

 

On the bright side, I'm keeping myself busy. I joined bowling league as a fill-in, but they should be able to get me enough weeks to go to state! I also picked up some tools to start working on my boat, but I won't have much good weather left to do that. Got some parts to work on my car too.

 

I also contacted an old friend. Not an ordinary old friend though, more like an old crush, but more complicated: My best friend's sister. Her whole family considers me family, and they all tried to push us together. I lived with them for 3 months at one point, so I could finish the school year before I moved. She took me to nearly all her high school dances, but I was too dumb to invite her to mine. It honestly never crossed my mind until it was too late. When the X and I started dating, she thought my relationship with her was inappropriate, and said that she "hated" her. It ended up nasty, and I pretty much "wasn't allowed" to see or talk to her anymore. She wasn't invited to our wedding either, and if she showed up, would've been asked to leave. That should've been my first clue... Anyway, I e-mailed her yesterday and apologized, and asked that we catch up some time. I've always felt terrible about the situation with her.

 

Starting to feel a bit better now...

[Saxis]

Ouch...

 

I didn't realize it would hurt so much. My STBXW said that she thinks she is falling in love with someone new already. I thought that I was getting pretty good with the idea of her with someone else, but I never expected it so soon. That's just another lie that I can pile on top of all the others she's told me. She said that she didn't want another relationship, because she wasn't going to put our daughter in that situation. I just feel sick to my stomach...

 

I don't know what to believe anymore. MySpace is the devil though, and that's all I know! Apparently, she saw a comment on my profile from my brother's best friends' sisters (no, really), and said she got jealous, so she made up all this stuff about falling in love to piss me off. At least she admitted to being a b!tch.

 

I told her I wanted minimal contact with her, and she said it would be fine to just delete her as a MySpace friend. I hate MySpace anyway, and I'd gladly get rid of it altogether, but that's the only way I talk to a couple good friends.

 

She wanted this divorce, so why would she need to put me though this, and why would she be jealous of a message that said, "Hey, we should all hang out some time!". I'm so sick of head games.

[Chrome Barracuda]

What's the old saying: She doesnt want you but doesnt want anyone else to have you either.

 

I think when this divorce is done , you date whoever you want. She lost the right to critique who you date the minute she wanted to F other people.

 

Now what I think the way she's acting is , is she's a control freak and emotionally stunted. That's why she's acting like this. Doesnt she know that you would date again? What she think you was gonna wait on her hand and foot to come back home?

 

B*tch please!

 

Do what makes you happy sixaxis, become a better person and raise your daughter right.

[Woggle]

Women want you to be all broken hearted and devestated when they dump and dating is a sign that you are moving on and she doesn't like it. My friend is going through this big time right now because his wife originally wanted the divorce and now he wants the divorce more than she does. Needless to say she isn't taking it too kindly but too bad. Your soon to be ex has no right to tell you what to do and who to do it with.

[Saxis]

This is all true, thanks guys. The message was from a friend that I don't really see or talk to much. The X has met her maybe once or twice - about as much as I've seen her since we were married. She even asked me a while ago how this friend was doing, and told me I should get a hold of her some time! I still don't trust anything she says. Maybe she was jealous, maybe she was just trying to cover up the fact she's dating already. I just told her flat out that I wanted minimal contact, and that the head games she's playing is BS.

 

I don't think I'm ready to date yet, but I did start talking to a girl online. Her husband left her 4 months pregnant with their second child, cheating on her. She's been divorced 2 years now, and he won't help or even see his kids. He works under the table for cash to avoid child support even! Very sad story, but it's nice to talk to someone.

[Saxis]

Ahhh... starting to feel like I have a life again! I'm not stressing about... anything, like I was. Money is no longer an issue, the house is clean and stays clean. I just feel that it's over and done with already! Her being far away helps alot, but I wish I could have our daughter with me. I think it's a little more stable here, but she's always been a good mom, so I'm not too worried. I just feel that I can provide better for her, in an environment she's already comfortable with. She's only 3, but already telling me she wants to come back to "her house"!

 

I will be meeting the girl I mentioned in the post above for the first time this weekend. I'm so excited and nervous! My first impression was that she's one of the strongest people I've met! She was willing to forgive her cheating X for their kids' sake, but after he left, she has raised them all by herself. She's also been taking 20+ credits each term in college! She comes from a somewhat different background - she's Russian, and moved to the states when she was only 9. Very family/community oriented, and I cannot help but respect her for everything she's been through while still being an upbeat and happy person. So far she's nothing short of amazing, and we've seemed to get along really well. She wanted to take a small road trip with the kids before school started back up, and was asking me for suggestions (I think more hinting for an invite to meet!). We're gonna spend the day at the lake, have lunch at the lodge and do some sight-seeing/hiking in the rain forest. Should be a fun day! We'll see if this has much chance for "dating" down the road at least...

[Saxis]

Bahahahahaa! My X is a nut-job! So my best friend's sister and her didn't get along very well. My X knew that I had a crush on her in high school, and when we started dating and they met each other, they didn't hit it off well. I was very close to my friend's family. I went to high school dances with his sister, and even lived with them for a while. She FORBID me to see/talk to my friend's sister... So now that we're split up, I found my friend's sister on Myspace and added her. So my X sends me this message saying that I did this just to hurt her, and it's things like this why we didn't make it! Hah... it's not like I made out with her, lied about it and still talk to the person like my X did! I didn't even dignify her with a response, and I'm not going to... She made this entire divorce about HER, and she still thinks that EVERYTHING is about HER... She's making herself very easy to get over....

 

One thing she never understood about my best friend's family... They are practically MY family too. Granted they were always skeptical of my relationship with the X, but I know they meant well. My X said in her message "They're probably all saying 'I told you so!'.", which they haven't done... I actually stopped by their house yesterday and visited with them a while. They told me to come back when the sister is in town, which I think I'll probably do. I have no reason to shut her out anymore.

[jesslindy]

Good for you. Good for you. Full steam ahead.

 

Just make sure that head of yours is screwed on nice and tight. Melovator a few posts back(#59) was dead on.

[Saxis]

I've made a few odd posts here and there about my situation, but not a full update, so here it is.

 

The STBXW came back after Christmas. I have made some HUGE strides since then. I've gotten quite used to and enjoy being by myself, but I'll admit occasionally missing someone to be with.

 

She seemed to understand why I didn't want her living with me, and that I wanted minimal contact. "No contact" wasn't an option with our daughter involved. Over the last month, she's used our daughter as a tool to pretty much contact me at all hours of the day, multiple times a day. Probably more than when we were together! Even pressured me multiple times to live with me because it would be "easier". It's become quite easy to just ignore the calls and the messages. Occasionally I would remind her of minimal contact; only conversations regarding our daughter.

 

At first it was messages asking if I wanted to talk. She invited me to dinner a couple times which I declined. She invites herself into my house when she drops our daughter off and starts with the "How are you doing? I've missed you..." BS. I tried to be polite enough in front of our daughter... not always succeeding when she would start to blame and argue.

 

I had a friend give me a number for a blind date. We've been separated for 8 months, papers filed for 6, and she was gone for 4. So... I called the gal to set up meeting her for a drink. The X calls in the middle, I finish the conversation and call her back. Her: "Are you too busy to talk?" Me: "Nope, was just in another call." Her: "Oh, who was it?" Yeah, this won't be good! Me: "Err, why does that matter?" Her: "Was it a girl??" Me: "Err, yes...?" Her: "I can't believe you would do that!!! Already?!?!" Me: "Well.... It HAS been 8 months..." Her: "I can't believe you are CHEATING on me. I'm still your WIFE!" WTF?? Since when does TALKING to someone else while you are separated constitute cheating?? I've never even MET the person!! Of course now I'm a lying, cheating sack of crap.... Yeah... I should've ACTUALLY lied....

 

Then the bomb drops. Her: "I was actually wanting to talk about us working this out, but now I don't know!" Me: "Well, I don't want to work it out. I want to finish our parenting plan and set a court date." Her: *bawling hysterically* "I can't believe *sniffle* you would do this... So who is she? What's her name?" Me: "I don't owe you an explanation to this. We are OVER!" Her: *waaa!* *sniffle* "But... I'm your WIFE!" Me: *laughing* Seriously... I couldn't help it! Her: "And you're laughing, do you know how much that hurts?!?" She also threatens suicide "if it wasn't for our daughter"! I think she needs some help...

 

It just kept going on and on. She would end up getting so hysterical and pissed, calling me a liar and cheater, that she finally hung up. Calls back in 5 minutes asking to "work things out" again. Even asking me to come see her tonight and call in sick at work tomorrow! Me: "If you're going to continue to call me a liar and cheater, I don't want to talk to you." Her: *still bawling* She continues it..... so I hang up. She calls right back. Reluctantly, I answer and before she speaks: "If you're going to continue this DON'T TALK TO ME!" Her: *bawl* *sniffle* *yelling* Same crap again... I hang up and turn off my phone...

 

In the morning, there's two more messages: "I want to talk! Come out here and stay with me!" and "Come out here?" Sounds so convincing, doesn't it??

 

Pleading and begging while calling someone a lying cheater is no way back into their heart! She even admitted that she wasn't in love with me, but still wanted to work it out! I told her I could not be in that kind of relationship. She also said she expected me to chase her to CA, even after filing divorce papers! Tonight she wants to come pick up some stuff that she "needs". I have my suspicion that it's a way to get her foot in the door for more groveling... The only conversation I'm willing to have with her at this point is a parenting plan and a court date!

 

Thanks to a special gal for keeping me calm and talking to me while this was all going on last night. She knows who she is...

Edited February 1, 2008 by Saxis

[Citizen Erased]

I can't say I am suprised, after your previous posts and the little signals she had been giving you. To be frank, she sounds nuts. After 8 months, you speaking to another woman on the phone is cheating? I would have laughed at that too.

 

I am glad you had your "gal" to talk you through that Your ex is just not stable. Threatening suicide? You are completely justified in not wanting to revisit your relationship. I just hope it works out better for you, and your daughter, Saxis.

[ShoeGirl]

Hey Saxis-

 

Good for you not letting her get to you! I'm sure it's not exactly easy to not get involved with her emotions.

 

It's great that you laughed at her cheating comment... I want to hear her explanation for how that is cheating, you are separated and have filed divorce papers. How long until the divorce is final?

 

I hope she gives up driving you crazy soon Maybe you should suggest counseling for her?? After all she had threatened suicide.

[whichwayisup]

Then the bomb drops. Her: "I was actually wanting to talk about us working this out, but now I don't know!" Me: "Well, I don't want to work it out. I want to finish our parenting plan and set a court date." Her: *bawling hysterically* "I can't believe *sniffle* you would do this... So who is she? What's her name?" Me: "I don't owe you an explanation to this. We are OVER!" Her: *waaa!* *sniffle* "But... I'm your WIFE!" Me: *laughing* Seriously... I couldn't help it! Her: "And you're laughing, do you know how much that hurts?!?" She also threatens suicide "if it wasn't for our daughter"! I think she needs some help...

 

Holy! Can we say manipulative?? She's putting out all the stops on PURE emotion and hoping she'll get to you. Don't cave. Suggest to her that if she IS feeling suicidal you will help her make arrangements to seek counselling, or even better, you tell her you'll take her to the hospital for a pysche evulation. Trust me, those tears and freakouts will stop.

She's jealous and feeling it, hense her overreaction about you on a date.

[Saxis]

Tonight she wants to come pick up some stuff that she "needs". I have my suspicion that it's a way to get her foot in the door for more groveling...

 

I was absolutely right. She came into the house, went to the spare bedroom to look for her stuff. About 30 seconds later comes out. "I can't find it... Want to talk?"

 

Attempted to have a calm conversation with her, but she was still crying the entire time. Trying to guilt trip me into working something out by asking if the 8 years we've known each other meant nothing! "Sure they did, but it didn't work out. I'm not trying to blame anyone, we both had a part in this. You decided to walk out, I decided to move on!"

 

The conversation cooled down at the end, and we had a decent talk about her job and apartment and crap. She pulled the friend card out, and I told her "Maybe someday, but the whole thing just makes me angry right now.".

 

She claims that her intention was never to go through with the divorce, and hoped that I would realize my faults and chase after her. I knew where my faults were. I withheld my feelings and tried to ignore our problems most of the time, which led to angry outbursts quite often. We got into a vicious cycle which she is still trying to continue. I explained that's why I haven't wanted to talk to her. Every time it's another argument. I just won't have it anymore.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I've made a few odd posts here and there about my situation, but not a full update, so here it is.

 

The STBXW came back after Christmas. I have made some HUGE strides since then. I've gotten quite used to and enjoy being by myself, but I'll admit occasionally missing someone to be with.

 

She seemed to understand why I didn't want her living with me, and that I wanted minimal contact. "No contact" wasn't an option with our daughter involved. Over the last month, she's used our daughter as a tool to pretty much contact me at all hours of the day, multiple times a day. Probably more than when we were together! Even pressured me multiple times to live with me because it would be "easier". It's become quite easy to just ignore the calls and the messages. Occasionally I would remind her of minimal contact; only conversations regarding our daughter.

 

At first it was messages asking if I wanted to talk. She invited me to dinner a couple times which I declined. She invites herself into my house when she drops our daughter off and starts with the "How are you doing? I've missed you..." BS. I tried to be polite enough in front of our daughter... not always succeeding when she would start to blame and argue.

 

I had a friend give me a number for a blind date. We've been separated for 8 months, papers filed for 6, and she was gone for 4. So... I called the gal to set up meeting her for a drink. The X calls in the middle, I finish the conversation and call her back. Her: "Are you too busy to talk?" Me: "Nope, was just in another call." Her: "Oh, who was it?" Yeah, this won't be good! Me: "Err, why does that matter?" Her: "Was it a girl??" Me: "Err, yes...?" Her: "I can't believe you would do that!!! Already?!?!" Me: "Well.... It HAS been 8 months..." Her: "I can't believe you are CHEATING on me. I'm still your WIFE!" WTF?? Since when does TALKING to someone else while you are separated constitute cheating?? I've never even MET the person!! Of course now I'm a lying, cheating sack of crap.... Yeah... I should've ACTUALLY lied....

 

Then the bomb drops. Her: "I was actually wanting to talk about us working this out, but now I don't know!" Me: "Well, I don't want to work it out. I want to finish our parenting plan and set a court date." Her: *bawling hysterically* "I can't believe *sniffle* you would do this... So who is she? What's her name?" Me: "I don't owe you an explanation to this. We are OVER!" Her: *waaa!* *sniffle* "But... I'm your WIFE!" Me: *laughing* Seriously... I couldn't help it! Her: "And you're laughing, do you know how much that hurts?!?" She also threatens suicide "if it wasn't for our daughter"! I think she needs some help...

 

It just kept going on and on. She would end up getting so hysterical and pissed, calling me a liar and cheater, that she finally hung up. Calls back in 5 minutes asking to "work things out" again. Even asking me to come see her tonight and call in sick at work tomorrow! Me: "If you're going to continue to call me a liar and cheater, I don't want to talk to you." Her: *still bawling* She continues it..... so I hang up. She calls right back. Reluctantly, I answer and before she speaks: "If you're going to continue this DON'T TALK TO ME!" Her: *bawl* *sniffle* *yelling* Same crap again... I hang up and turn off my phone...

 

In the morning, there's two more messages: "I want to talk! Come out here and stay with me!" and "Come out here?" Sounds so convincing, doesn't it??

 

Pleading and begging while calling someone a lying cheater is no way back into their heart! She even admitted that she wasn't in love with me, but still wanted to work it out! I told her I could not be in that kind of relationship. She also said she expected me to chase her to CA, even after filing divorce papers! Tonight she wants to come pick up some stuff that she "needs". I have my suspicion that it's a way to get her foot in the door for more groveling... The only conversation I'm willing to have with her at this point is a parenting plan and a court date!

 

Thanks to a special gal for keeping me calm and talking to me while this was all going on last night. She knows who she is...

 

 

Wow, now arent you glad you didnt take you back?!!

 

WTF?

 

Even if she doesnt love you she wants to be with you WTF?

 

Bottom line it's all about control with her that's all it boils down to. Get it done man, she aint worth it!

[Saxis]

I am glad you had your "gal" to talk you through that Your ex is just not stable. Threatening suicide? You are completely justified in not wanting to revisit your relationship. I just hope it works out better for you, and your daughter, Saxis.

 

It's pretty easy to shrug someone off while they're calling you a liar and cheater and still trying to win you back, but I was extremely grateful for her support through it.

 

I don't see how it couldn't work out better. She thinks it's good for our daughter if we stay in a dead relationship fighting all the time??

 

...How long until the divorce is final?

 

She has now left that up to me. I'll be calling to set the date ASAP.

 

Holy! Can we say manipulative?? She's putting out all the stops on PURE emotion and hoping she'll get to you. Don't cave. Suggest to her that if she IS feeling suicidal you will help her make arrangements to seek counselling, or even better, you tell her you'll take her to the hospital for a pysche evulation. Trust me, those tears and freakouts will stop.

She's jealous and feeling it, hense her overreaction about you on a date.

 

Yeah. And after I shut off my phone, apparently she called MY parents (not hers!) and bawled to my father half the night. He told her he couldn't make me love her again. She never mentioned the suicide thing to him, but he listened to her because he said she did sound rather hysterical and crazy. We've been wondering about her mental status for a while... I think talking to my parents was just another attempt at manipulation.

 

Even if she doesnt love you she wants to be with you WTF?

 

She claims to love me, but not be IN love with me. Since the beginning... I write this off as BS, like most everything else she says.

[Gunny376]

Command! ATTENTION!

 

To all who see these procedeings ~ we bid welcome!

 

Know ye that having special trust and confidence in Saxis we do henceforth re-award him his balls and fore-claim him a true Spartian in the keeping of Gunny376 and Chrome Barricuda!