LetItBe4 Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 I need some advice or somthing - Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. He is a really good looking guy and girls are naturally drawn to him because of his looks, and he has a flirty personality along with it. Well, I don't take it very well when other girls talk to him. I have never caught him cheating, and I really don't think he would, but when I see another girl flirting with him or him talking to another girl - may it be his cousin, friend, sister, whatever - it just sparks something in me that really makes me angry! I just get in a ass-kicking mode and I can't control it! Luckily, I have never let this show up until recently. I mean lately, I have been hiding out outside his work until he gets off in my car to watch him with binoculars to make sure he doesn't talk to any girls on the way to his car, and then following him home to make sure he goes home. I go through his cell phone and if there are any numbers that I don't recognize I call them to make sure they aren't other girls. He didn't know about it. And the other day we were at the mall and I went into a store and when I came out I saw him talking to a girl and I went up to them and gave her a dirty look and grabbed his arm and said "we have to leave, NOW" and come to find out it was the saleslady. But none of this is as bad as the other day. Some girl called his phone (he said it was the wrong number) and I got really mad and we got in this huge fight because I accused him of cheating and we were screaming and yelling at each other and I ended up throwing a book at him and it hit him in the eye and gave him a black eye. I felt really bad afterwards, and I apologized. I don't know how to control my behavior. I am afraid that this will eventually drive him away. He got really upset about me doing that, and I know that I am lucky that he didn't dump me right then and there. But things are fine for now. But I know there will come a time when I have one of my rages again. Anyone have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 You clearly have a lack of trust in your boyfriend and in your relationship. This might be due to a self-esteem problem, nagging feeling in your stomach or something else. Either way, you need to control it. Nobody would want to be in a relationship with someone when they spy on them at work, follow them home, go through their cell phone, and act like a psycho when they are talking to another person. Learn to control your emotions and behaviour. I suggest either getting counselling or reading up on trust and self esteem issues. But don't let it happen again - I highly doubt your boyfriend will stand for a scene like that again! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 The next time you get jealous, before you attack go get a piece of paper. Sit down calmly and write down the facts. 1. I observe my boyfriend talking to a female. 2. I need to find out who the female is. 3. If the female is a stranger he is talking to, for what purpose is it? a) If he is giving her directions, that is acceptable. b) If he is trying to get into her pants, I need to break up with him and find someone else instead of being unladylike and flying off the handle. c) If she is a saleslady, I need to introduce myself and participate in the transaction. d) If I sense that he has been talking to the saleslady about buying me something for a surprise, I need to say goodbye and walk to a different part of the store. 4. If the female is a friend of his, I need to investigate: a) Why haven't I been introduced to this female? Is she someone he has known for a long time and sees often or is she someone from his distant past? b) If she is someone from his distant past, I need to introduce myself as his girlfriend and become part of the conversation...but let them do most of the talking since that have to catch up on things. c) If she is someone he sees often, I have to introduce myself and show some class by telling her you're sorry you haven't met her sooner. Then you become part of the conversation. You really showed very immature behavior. I personally would stop dating someone who embarassed my like that but I'm a hard ass. I hope you learned a lesson here about jumping to conclusions. Analyze things on paper and be more logical and rational in your behavior. More people will love you and you will have a much easier life that way. Guys don't want chicks around who fly off the handle. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 He got really upset Well, DUH! You have some issues you need to work on and I strongly suggest counseling, or you will Never have a good relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ktcopywriter Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 You need to find out what your relationship is lacking, because it's making you crazy! You are obviously not getting something you need from your man...that's what's making you feel so insecure and paranoid. Maybe you need to talk to your guy about him being openly flirtatious with other women, or maybe you just need to find out the route of the problem...why don't you trust him? What is it that really bothers you? Are you afraid of losing him...or that he would be more attracted to another woman...etc. Your relationship will not last if you don't figure this out!! Make sure you figure it out together...but NO THROWING STUFF!! Communication is so important! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 Psycho (short for psychotic) might be a bit strong, but you definitely do have some major issues. The fact that you admit to being angry and jealous when he's talking to his sister/cousin (family) for goodness' sakes........that's out of control. And I don't think anyone needs to tell you that parking your butt in the bushes and watching him with binoculars, to see if he talks to any females while on his way out of work is....well, disturbing......perhaps even illegal? What age are you? You seriously need to seek professional help, as soon as possible. You not only have jealousy issues, but anger issues, too. Next time it might not be flying off the handle and throwing a book at your b/f (which IS assault).....it may be worse, and he could end up having you charged w/ assault. This isn't going to go away on its own. You need to speak with a therapist or counsellor; someone who's profesionally qualified to help you get to the root of your issues.......so that you can then begin the process (which won't happen overnight) of trying to work through them/resolve them. Link to post Share on other sites
Metalhead Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 I picked up a bad habit of flirting from my father. My partner has expressed to me that she doesn't approve of this behavior. My mother has also warned me to monitor this behavior as this was the excuse she used for leaving my father (actually, having an affair on him). So, I watch myself to not be like my father, but sometimes a little bit of flirting does happen but then I remember how my partner feels about it so I tone it down. My advice to you is to communicate with your boyfriend. Make sure the two of you are able to get on the same page! Link to post Share on other sites
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